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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 744497" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the advice of others. You need to set limits on when you talk to him. He should not be the center point nor focus of your life. He is not doing what HE needs to do. It has nothing at all to do with you or how you raised him. Don't let him abuse you and don't let him guilt you. Most of us learn this the hard way. </p><p></p><p>We are moms and we think that we can control everything. Guess what? We cannot even begin to control how our adult children live their lives. Period.</p><p></p><p>I have to say that I think your son is using way more than marijuana. He sounds like an addict to me by his behaviors and the way he thinks. They all pretty much act the same way and say the same things. My son included when he was using. Their thinking becomes very skewed by the drug use.</p><p></p><p>I had to put my son in God's hands. I knew that this problem were way too big for me to handle on my own. It was destroying the very essence of who I was. I continued to ask "how did we get here?" The question is now how or why but what do we need to do to live our own life with purpose and meaning while waiting for them to do the same.</p><p></p><p>My son is now 23 and sober after using for about seven years. I still see the thinking of a much younger person but I also see him now able to redirect with the tools he learned in his faith based long term and VERY STRICT program. I never thought we'd get here I swear to God I did not. </p><p></p><p>We enabled him for years but he was a minor at the time and we had no idea what we were dealing with or how long it would last. In many ways it was a gift that I did not know how long it would last or I would have been too overwhelmed.</p><p></p><p>You should feel somewhat thankful that he does not live close now. I could not bear to see my son trying to destroy himself and refusing help or that he even had a problem. Hello look around at the destruction you have caused!! I am just now rebuilding our relationship after he lived far away for almost 3 years.</p><p></p><p>If you are able to see a therapist that specializes in addiction that could help you tremendously to set boundaries for yourself and for him. This does NOT mean you do not love your son. I did this FOR my son so that I would be able to be the parent that he needed to get him through this, which is NOT in any way typical parenting. It is something you have to learn and it's brand new and it takes a LOT of hard work.</p><p></p><p>We do understand. We have walked this walk.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 744497, member: 15032"] Welcome. I agree with the advice of others. You need to set limits on when you talk to him. He should not be the center point nor focus of your life. He is not doing what HE needs to do. It has nothing at all to do with you or how you raised him. Don't let him abuse you and don't let him guilt you. Most of us learn this the hard way. We are moms and we think that we can control everything. Guess what? We cannot even begin to control how our adult children live their lives. Period. I have to say that I think your son is using way more than marijuana. He sounds like an addict to me by his behaviors and the way he thinks. They all pretty much act the same way and say the same things. My son included when he was using. Their thinking becomes very skewed by the drug use. I had to put my son in God's hands. I knew that this problem were way too big for me to handle on my own. It was destroying the very essence of who I was. I continued to ask "how did we get here?" The question is now how or why but what do we need to do to live our own life with purpose and meaning while waiting for them to do the same. My son is now 23 and sober after using for about seven years. I still see the thinking of a much younger person but I also see him now able to redirect with the tools he learned in his faith based long term and VERY STRICT program. I never thought we'd get here I swear to God I did not. We enabled him for years but he was a minor at the time and we had no idea what we were dealing with or how long it would last. In many ways it was a gift that I did not know how long it would last or I would have been too overwhelmed. You should feel somewhat thankful that he does not live close now. I could not bear to see my son trying to destroy himself and refusing help or that he even had a problem. Hello look around at the destruction you have caused!! I am just now rebuilding our relationship after he lived far away for almost 3 years. If you are able to see a therapist that specializes in addiction that could help you tremendously to set boundaries for yourself and for him. This does NOT mean you do not love your son. I did this FOR my son so that I would be able to be the parent that he needed to get him through this, which is NOT in any way typical parenting. It is something you have to learn and it's brand new and it takes a LOT of hard work. We do understand. We have walked this walk. [/QUOTE]
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