Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New Member......Need Help
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 741601" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Yes. This is my experience exactly. I had to explicitly learn social cues, and am still bad at reading facial expressions. (And recognizing faces - please don't take me to one of those movies where all the lead characters are different white guys with short dark hair. I'll be totally lost.) I couldn't parse teasing or sarcasm - it still takes me several beats to process and understand a lot of humor, or determine whether or not someone is kidding or being sarcastic.</p><p></p><p>But I cared (still do care) very much about doing the right things! I was very rule-bound as a kid, and had trouble learning exceptions (e.g., stay in your seat while the teacher is out of the room...unless the fire alarm goes off, then you should totally get out of your seat and evacuate). I would never have taken something that didn't belong to me on purpose. If I took something by accident (like picking up someone else's pen by mistake) or was tricked into taking something I shouldn't (e.g. peers saying "yeah, she told us you could have it - it's yours now!") I would have been filled with a very deep sense of shame and mortification when I discovered my error. Because I knew you didn't take things that didn't belong to you, and I took the rule seriously.</p><p></p><p>And I never, ever wanted to cause pain to another person, physical or emotional.</p><p></p><p>Hiding evidence and lying say to me the person knows they have done wrong. Otherwise, why do that?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This makes me think of the description of the Tin Man in L. Frank Baum's original book. Baum said the Tin Man was always extra careful to think things through and show extra kindness to every creature around him, because he knew he did not have a heart to guide him. I've always been fascinated by the Tin Man, because I think I tend to logic through my ethical system more than most. Things that upset others may not upset me (and vice versa), but I've learned to logic through other people's thinking and motivations and adjust my behaviors to what people expect of me. In middle school and high school, I actually kept extensive journals - you might even call them field notes - describing other people's behaviors and reactions and trying to understand people who were different than me. I've run into others in the Aspie community who say they did the same.</p><p></p><p>It also makes me think of a book by a researcher who was researching differences in brain structure and function between psychopaths and "normal" people. There are apparently a number of tell-tale signs of true psychopathy that can be recognized in a brain scan. And when he looked at his own brain scan...he realized his brain fit the pattern of a psychopath. He is a successful researcher and has never been in any legal trouble, and at first he didn't believe the results. But then he decided to investigate and talked to people who knew him well, including ex-girlfriends I believe, who all were able to identify behavioral patterns that suggested psychopathy. He used this to become more aware of his own behaviors and reactions and be more conscious of how he was treating other people. Like the Tin Man, because he knew he had no heart (or empathy) he took extra care to monitor his behavior to ensure that he acted as if he did.</p><p></p><p>I guess it's really two separate things - the ability to understand, and the ability to care. You can be deficient in just one of those areas or in both. I would agree that it sounds like SS is deficient in the ability to CARE about other people's needs, rights and feelings. How much he truly understands about appropriate social behavior may be an open question right now. Perhaps, as Deni suggests, he can learn with intensive interventions how to moderate his behavior, if for no other reason than to avoid further trouble. I hope so.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 741601, member: 23349"] Yes. This is my experience exactly. I had to explicitly learn social cues, and am still bad at reading facial expressions. (And recognizing faces - please don't take me to one of those movies where all the lead characters are different white guys with short dark hair. I'll be totally lost.) I couldn't parse teasing or sarcasm - it still takes me several beats to process and understand a lot of humor, or determine whether or not someone is kidding or being sarcastic. But I cared (still do care) very much about doing the right things! I was very rule-bound as a kid, and had trouble learning exceptions (e.g., stay in your seat while the teacher is out of the room...unless the fire alarm goes off, then you should totally get out of your seat and evacuate). I would never have taken something that didn't belong to me on purpose. If I took something by accident (like picking up someone else's pen by mistake) or was tricked into taking something I shouldn't (e.g. peers saying "yeah, she told us you could have it - it's yours now!") I would have been filled with a very deep sense of shame and mortification when I discovered my error. Because I knew you didn't take things that didn't belong to you, and I took the rule seriously. And I never, ever wanted to cause pain to another person, physical or emotional. Hiding evidence and lying say to me the person knows they have done wrong. Otherwise, why do that? This makes me think of the description of the Tin Man in L. Frank Baum's original book. Baum said the Tin Man was always extra careful to think things through and show extra kindness to every creature around him, because he knew he did not have a heart to guide him. I've always been fascinated by the Tin Man, because I think I tend to logic through my ethical system more than most. Things that upset others may not upset me (and vice versa), but I've learned to logic through other people's thinking and motivations and adjust my behaviors to what people expect of me. In middle school and high school, I actually kept extensive journals - you might even call them field notes - describing other people's behaviors and reactions and trying to understand people who were different than me. I've run into others in the Aspie community who say they did the same. It also makes me think of a book by a researcher who was researching differences in brain structure and function between psychopaths and "normal" people. There are apparently a number of tell-tale signs of true psychopathy that can be recognized in a brain scan. And when he looked at his own brain scan...he realized his brain fit the pattern of a psychopath. He is a successful researcher and has never been in any legal trouble, and at first he didn't believe the results. But then he decided to investigate and talked to people who knew him well, including ex-girlfriends I believe, who all were able to identify behavioral patterns that suggested psychopathy. He used this to become more aware of his own behaviors and reactions and be more conscious of how he was treating other people. Like the Tin Man, because he knew he had no heart (or empathy) he took extra care to monitor his behavior to ensure that he acted as if he did. I guess it's really two separate things - the ability to understand, and the ability to care. You can be deficient in just one of those areas or in both. I would agree that it sounds like SS is deficient in the ability to CARE about other people's needs, rights and feelings. How much he truly understands about appropriate social behavior may be an open question right now. Perhaps, as Deni suggests, he can learn with intensive interventions how to moderate his behavior, if for no other reason than to avoid further trouble. I hope so. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New Member......Need Help
Top