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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 424448" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hello Confused!</p><p>Your son reminds me of mine in some ways - the absolute insistence on getting his own way, for example... Most of the time what happens is that my son will just do what he wants to do; he does not have the reflex to ask me if he is allowed to do whatever it is. For example, we live at the top of a rural village where no cars come - it is therefore safe for him to play outside, away from where I can see him; however, I need to know when he is going... Often he will have just "disappeared", without asking me if he can go... What I see with him is that he is not actually being naughty with this (though of course I do get cross with him when he does it). It is as though he simply does not "get it" that he has to ask and no matter how many times I tell him, he mainly forgets. Very occasionally he does remember, and that is like a small victory <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>So the same with your son. I am sure he is not actually being wilful in the accepted sense - there is something going on for him neurologically, in all probability, that makes him behave like this. So you have to forget about most of the usual discipline techniques and institute other ways of being with him. Some good advice has been given here. I find explaining things DOES work well with my son, despite his young age. I have been trying not to give him food with additives and to cut down on his sugar intake as much as possible because I am sure these things make him worse (he gets really hyper when he has a lot of sugar, that is for sure). When he wants something that is not "good" for him, I explain this to him kindly and gently and - believe it or not - he accepts it! What seems to set him off a lot of the time is firm commands, a certain tone of voice that one might be able to use with other children - he will not accept to be "bossed around". I am sure it is the same with your boy. So one has to proceed by other means - "Softly, softly, catchee monkee!" I have found, as has been said, that reward and encoragement work FAR better than punishment and scolding. We have a gold chart system that actually works quite well and my son definitely cares about earning his stars and is proud of them... I try to praise him as much as possible. He is very responsive to affection and is very affectionate himself - I have read that this is typical of ADHD children...</p><p>You really do need to get a second opinion in terms of his evaluation, as everyone else has said... I'm afraid it is extremely unlikely he is going to grow out of it. People have been telling me that about my son for literally years and, although in some ways he is calmer and more amenable to reason, mostly speaking the "issues" of the 2 year old he was continue - the tantrums when he doesn't get his way, the excessive and constant physical movement, desire to touch everyone and everything, etc... </p><p>Good luck. It is so hard, I know, but there are ways round and through...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 424448, member: 11227"] Hello Confused! Your son reminds me of mine in some ways - the absolute insistence on getting his own way, for example... Most of the time what happens is that my son will just do what he wants to do; he does not have the reflex to ask me if he is allowed to do whatever it is. For example, we live at the top of a rural village where no cars come - it is therefore safe for him to play outside, away from where I can see him; however, I need to know when he is going... Often he will have just "disappeared", without asking me if he can go... What I see with him is that he is not actually being naughty with this (though of course I do get cross with him when he does it). It is as though he simply does not "get it" that he has to ask and no matter how many times I tell him, he mainly forgets. Very occasionally he does remember, and that is like a small victory :-) So the same with your son. I am sure he is not actually being wilful in the accepted sense - there is something going on for him neurologically, in all probability, that makes him behave like this. So you have to forget about most of the usual discipline techniques and institute other ways of being with him. Some good advice has been given here. I find explaining things DOES work well with my son, despite his young age. I have been trying not to give him food with additives and to cut down on his sugar intake as much as possible because I am sure these things make him worse (he gets really hyper when he has a lot of sugar, that is for sure). When he wants something that is not "good" for him, I explain this to him kindly and gently and - believe it or not - he accepts it! What seems to set him off a lot of the time is firm commands, a certain tone of voice that one might be able to use with other children - he will not accept to be "bossed around". I am sure it is the same with your boy. So one has to proceed by other means - "Softly, softly, catchee monkee!" I have found, as has been said, that reward and encoragement work FAR better than punishment and scolding. We have a gold chart system that actually works quite well and my son definitely cares about earning his stars and is proud of them... I try to praise him as much as possible. He is very responsive to affection and is very affectionate himself - I have read that this is typical of ADHD children... You really do need to get a second opinion in terms of his evaluation, as everyone else has said... I'm afraid it is extremely unlikely he is going to grow out of it. People have been telling me that about my son for literally years and, although in some ways he is calmer and more amenable to reason, mostly speaking the "issues" of the 2 year old he was continue - the tantrums when he doesn't get his way, the excessive and constant physical movement, desire to touch everyone and everything, etc... Good luck. It is so hard, I know, but there are ways round and through... [/QUOTE]
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