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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 761673" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Oh Kitty, </p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree with this 100%. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Is he telling you things like you are a narcissist, you are gas lighting him, you caused him to have post traumatic stress disorder, you are the reason he can't be responsible for himself? Things like that? Does he blame you for every little thing that doesn't go right in his life? If so he's only hearing the "yes it's your mother's fault" stuff from therapists and not the "now what are you going to do about moving yourself along in life" part. </p><p> </p><p></p><p>I agree, and feel this is really bad. I also think you should move to get him out as soon as you can. He is trying to take over, and it seems he has no capacity to understand the effect on you or even on himself if he does get control of you and your household. If he has a diagnosis he could qualify for housing with a local mental health organization but it takes a bit. If he gets disability he could qualify for low income housing, also takes a bit, and really that's on him to look for. It could end up that he lives in a homeless shelter for a while, I know not something you want to hear, but it truly seems unless you want to be a repeated elder abuse victim those are the choices. </p><p></p><p>So to take a first step, as others have suggested please find support for yourself, you deserve support. After all you have tried to give and give, you are depleted and need to regroup and get to a level place for yourself. A therapist, al-anon, your pastor at church, trusted friend or all of the above, it's time for you. </p><p></p><p></p><p>This is hard to say, but if you died tomorrow do you really think he wouldn't find a way to live on? If you did not wake up tomorrow, no doubt he would live with the scars from regret from the current situation of how he has been treating you for the rest of his life but I think he would find a way to go on, services and people to help him to keep a roof over his head to live somewhat of a life. So I feel it would be a good thing for your son if he was in a living situation separate from you where you may provide for some of his needs like uncovered medical expenses and such for a bit but somewhere else where his basic needs are provided for. It would allow for a separation where you could both move into a place where you could show him love but not be responsible for him day to day. There will be a day when you are no longer around and it would be most valuable to him to remember the love and support from you, and his love and respect towards you rather than live with regret of how he treated you the way he is now while you are here for the rest of his life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 761673, member: 22840"] Oh Kitty, I agree with this 100%. Is he telling you things like you are a narcissist, you are gas lighting him, you caused him to have post traumatic stress disorder, you are the reason he can't be responsible for himself? Things like that? Does he blame you for every little thing that doesn't go right in his life? If so he's only hearing the "yes it's your mother's fault" stuff from therapists and not the "now what are you going to do about moving yourself along in life" part. I agree, and feel this is really bad. I also think you should move to get him out as soon as you can. He is trying to take over, and it seems he has no capacity to understand the effect on you or even on himself if he does get control of you and your household. If he has a diagnosis he could qualify for housing with a local mental health organization but it takes a bit. If he gets disability he could qualify for low income housing, also takes a bit, and really that's on him to look for. It could end up that he lives in a homeless shelter for a while, I know not something you want to hear, but it truly seems unless you want to be a repeated elder abuse victim those are the choices. So to take a first step, as others have suggested please find support for yourself, you deserve support. After all you have tried to give and give, you are depleted and need to regroup and get to a level place for yourself. A therapist, al-anon, your pastor at church, trusted friend or all of the above, it's time for you. This is hard to say, but if you died tomorrow do you really think he wouldn't find a way to live on? If you did not wake up tomorrow, no doubt he would live with the scars from regret from the current situation of how he has been treating you for the rest of his life but I think he would find a way to go on, services and people to help him to keep a roof over his head to live somewhat of a life. So I feel it would be a good thing for your son if he was in a living situation separate from you where you may provide for some of his needs like uncovered medical expenses and such for a bit but somewhere else where his basic needs are provided for. It would allow for a separation where you could both move into a place where you could show him love but not be responsible for him day to day. There will be a day when you are no longer around and it would be most valuable to him to remember the love and support from you, and his love and respect towards you rather than live with regret of how he treated you the way he is now while you are here for the rest of his life. [/QUOTE]
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