Child: thank you so much for your reply. I am only on the forum sporadically because I don't have a computer at home so I post and read at work when I find time. I work part time managing a small but growing office for a relative. I am doing for me yes, but still there are nights when I get to thinking of the future and my adult children's problems, the economy and how it will affect all the low income or no income people and how if I move away, when they need someone I will not physically be near, and on and on. For the most part I do go about life as I need to and try to put good things in my life, but find some depression and anxiety that won't completely leave. I am so sad that my children's lives are in such terrible shape. I expected to have adult kids that worked, lived a "normal" middle class life with the normal struggles that we all have. I did not expect to have adult kids who just could not function in society due to addictions and mental issues. I guess that is what I need to work on, accepting that they are not "normal" and will have a compromised life indefinitely unless something miraculous happens. That is so painful to think about and I just cry at times over it. And I relate to your remarks about wanting to help then resenting the reaction from the child when they don't see it our way. But you sound like you accept that this is his right to think as he does and that your help could be seen differently by him. I have had to back up and ask my self too, what really is help? Sometimes help is critical, such as if a fire burns down your house and you need a place to go and food. But at other times "help" by providing a difficult child that same place to sleep and food can be enabling. I was told in a forum for family of addicts that you can BE something to your loved one, but not DO for them what they can and should do for themselves. I think I get hung up on not allowing them to struggle long enough to figure out how to DO for them self's because I can't stand to see them suffer. I see them suffer and rush in and try to advise and provide an immediate answer but then the pattern repeats itself and I have to repeat all the rescuing again and again. Nice to hear from you Child!!
