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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 698841" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have a question.</p><p>why do you feel guilty about him? You have not done anything wrong. He is not you. He is a young man now. Many people have some mental illness, including me. Why do you use the word guilt when he acts badly and uses drugs? You are not responsible for anyone except yourself.</p><p></p><p>Even though you love him, as we all love them, we have the option of not allowing them to abuse us and to stick to the rules of our homes. We also have the option of allowing them to abuse us and break our rules and live with us. You know what you can handle.</p><p></p><p>The only thing none of us control is our disturbed love one. It is 100 percent up to the person alone to get help and work on his issues to be a better person. We cant force them or help them. As long as you believe you have the power to help somebody who doesnt want help, you will feel inadequate and desperate and guilty about his choices. You will feel you are a part of them.</p><p></p><p>We all need to come to the conclusion that we can not change somebody else no matter how much we love them. We would have no forum at all if love can heal. That realization is the only way to let go of putting their behavior on ourselves. It is often the only way we realuze that we deserve peace and happiness, even if they struggle. Our misery doesn't change or help them. It hurts us only and the stress csn kill us. Then what?</p><p></p><p>I dont know your age, but I'm 63 and I have also had a hard life partly because of the mental illness. But I didnt break the law and I got help. It was a choice. I had no loving parents. From the time I turned 60 I decided its time to take care of myself. You need to reflect about what is right for you. Not whats right for your grandson because you dont know what is right for him. All of us actually do what we feel is right for us.</p><p></p><p>There is no one answer. You may want to try an Al Anon meeting for face time encouragement and support.</p><p></p><p>So sorry for your hurting heart. Believe me, we have all feel or felt it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 698841, member: 1550"] I have a question. why do you feel guilty about him? You have not done anything wrong. He is not you. He is a young man now. Many people have some mental illness, including me. Why do you use the word guilt when he acts badly and uses drugs? You are not responsible for anyone except yourself. Even though you love him, as we all love them, we have the option of not allowing them to abuse us and to stick to the rules of our homes. We also have the option of allowing them to abuse us and break our rules and live with us. You know what you can handle. The only thing none of us control is our disturbed love one. It is 100 percent up to the person alone to get help and work on his issues to be a better person. We cant force them or help them. As long as you believe you have the power to help somebody who doesnt want help, you will feel inadequate and desperate and guilty about his choices. You will feel you are a part of them. We all need to come to the conclusion that we can not change somebody else no matter how much we love them. We would have no forum at all if love can heal. That realization is the only way to let go of putting their behavior on ourselves. It is often the only way we realuze that we deserve peace and happiness, even if they struggle. Our misery doesn't change or help them. It hurts us only and the stress csn kill us. Then what? I dont know your age, but I'm 63 and I have also had a hard life partly because of the mental illness. But I didnt break the law and I got help. It was a choice. I had no loving parents. From the time I turned 60 I decided its time to take care of myself. You need to reflect about what is right for you. Not whats right for your grandson because you dont know what is right for him. All of us actually do what we feel is right for us. There is no one answer. You may want to try an Al Anon meeting for face time encouragement and support. So sorry for your hurting heart. Believe me, we have all feel or felt it. [/QUOTE]
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