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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 315134" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi and welcome! Glad you found us.</p><p> </p><p>Here's a link to the abbreviations <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8</a> If you go down to the bottom right of the screen, you'll see "Forum Jump" If you click on FAQ/Board Help, you'll see bring up some helpful topics to help you out with- the board.</p><p> </p><p>Is he on any medications/seeing a psychiatrist (psychiatrist)? Has the therapist been a help in terms of how to deal with- the behaviors?</p><p> </p><p>Does he treat dex the same way?</p><p> </p><p>I would let school take care of school issues. I don't think 14 is too young for him to start learning natural consequences - you don't do the work or turn it in, you don't pass. Now this goes against every grain in my motherly body, but it really boils down to the fact that there is no way you can *make* him do the work or turn it in. You have to pick your battles.</p><p> </p><p>What would happen if you left the house at your scheduled time, regardless of whether he is ready or not? Some kids you can do that with - personally I wouldn't have done it with- my kid because the house probably wouldn't have been standing when I got home, but... it might be worth a try. He *doesn't* rule your world, in spite of what he may think.</p><p> </p><p>What kind of consequences do you give for "disrespectful behavior"? Are you consequencing *every* infraction? I would strongly recommend "The Explosive Child" - and I'm not a fan of self-help books. This one gives good insight into the thinking of the explosive kid, as well as advocates not tackling all the behaviors at one time. You pick out a couple or 3 that are your priority and address those head on, but you let the lesser stuff slide for the moment. In our house, violence was always the #1 issue. He could call me every name in the book, defy me 24/7, but threatening and/or violence was addressed each and every time. You have to pace yourself. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> </p><p> </p><p>I think the other important thing is maintaining a calm exterior. I used to be a screamer but when I yelled at my son, in his eyes he won because I "lost" it. When I quit yelling, things became slightly better because I retained control and he wasn't able to push my buttons (at least, not that he could tell <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ). </p><p> </p><p>And lastly, consistency. Hardest thing for me to do was be consistent because quite frankly there were some days I just didn't think I had the energy to do it all over again. But I think it's really important to be consistent 24/7. </p><p> </p><p>If your daughter is scared of him and if violence is possible, it's a smart idea to have a safety plan in place. Somewhere your daughter can go when he's escalating - your room, her room, a neighbor's. </p><p> </p><p>Just some thoughts. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> Again, welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 315134, member: 8"] Hi and welcome! Glad you found us. Here's a link to the abbreviations [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8[/URL] If you go down to the bottom right of the screen, you'll see "Forum Jump" If you click on FAQ/Board Help, you'll see bring up some helpful topics to help you out with- the board. Is he on any medications/seeing a psychiatrist (psychiatrist)? Has the therapist been a help in terms of how to deal with- the behaviors? Does he treat dex the same way? I would let school take care of school issues. I don't think 14 is too young for him to start learning natural consequences - you don't do the work or turn it in, you don't pass. Now this goes against every grain in my motherly body, but it really boils down to the fact that there is no way you can *make* him do the work or turn it in. You have to pick your battles. What would happen if you left the house at your scheduled time, regardless of whether he is ready or not? Some kids you can do that with - personally I wouldn't have done it with- my kid because the house probably wouldn't have been standing when I got home, but... it might be worth a try. He *doesn't* rule your world, in spite of what he may think. What kind of consequences do you give for "disrespectful behavior"? Are you consequencing *every* infraction? I would strongly recommend "The Explosive Child" - and I'm not a fan of self-help books. This one gives good insight into the thinking of the explosive kid, as well as advocates not tackling all the behaviors at one time. You pick out a couple or 3 that are your priority and address those head on, but you let the lesser stuff slide for the moment. In our house, violence was always the #1 issue. He could call me every name in the book, defy me 24/7, but threatening and/or violence was addressed each and every time. You have to pace yourself. ;) I think the other important thing is maintaining a calm exterior. I used to be a screamer but when I yelled at my son, in his eyes he won because I "lost" it. When I quit yelling, things became slightly better because I retained control and he wasn't able to push my buttons (at least, not that he could tell ;) ). And lastly, consistency. Hardest thing for me to do was be consistent because quite frankly there were some days I just didn't think I had the energy to do it all over again. But I think it's really important to be consistent 24/7. If your daughter is scared of him and if violence is possible, it's a smart idea to have a safety plan in place. Somewhere your daughter can go when he's escalating - your room, her room, a neighbor's. Just some thoughts. ;) Again, welcome. [/QUOTE]
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