Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie - Wondering if it is too late to help my son
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 405342" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>AHUM....</p><p> </p><p>AHAH! </p><p> </p><p>Hi there - welcome to the family. </p><p> </p><p>WHAT a powerful advocate you are for your son - that's good. I like a woman who can voice her opinion and doesn't back down from a challenge. That is actually part of the battle with kids like ours. The other part? Ah that? Yeah well that is the tricky part and it gets mucky at best and takes friends who have been there done that to navigate the muck. I'll try to help because I didn't START out like you are - I arrived there years later but boy sister when I did? I was a force - still am. However - you have to learn how to be a stealthy force. Otherwise you get the treatment like you did. Or the nut hut- (chuckles -) nut hut after living with my kid? NOT.SO.BAD - 4 hots and a cot - plus craft class - LOOKING GOOD. Know what I mean?? </p><p> </p><p>Okay but on a serious note - there are "things" that "these people" (coughs) - the "Professionals" want to hear out of YOU. And goodness knows that while ALL of you just wants to get up and smack the smart right off of them and literally scream ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME KID DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO LIVE WITH? about every three minutes? And know that THEY go home every night and sleep and WE go home every night and cat nap, wait for every creeking door, or window, or have to walk around with our keys on our wrist, or all our medications locked in a safe we had to invest in, or worry that our kid is freezing out somewhere or that we could buy stock in PRILOSEC? yeah - you just want to sit there and plug your ears and sing lalalalallalah.....you have no idea what you are talking about you can come live at my house for a week you are so book smart lalalalalalalah.....phooey. </p><p> </p><p>The things that you should know now? First? They want to know that YOU - not your son - but YOU the MOTHER (yeah aint this grand?) are in counseling. (laughing yet?) Yupppppp. If you come back with "Well I'm seeing Dr. Freud once a week." then the issue of your anger, hostility, rage, and being out of control are being addressed - so it's a misnomer and --thus? Untouchable - so they have to - get that HAVE TO move on to the CHILD. Doesn't matter if your husband or the other son are in counseling - because technically - he's not DAD. you've already told them husband is NOT biodad. AND because of that? THEY AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME......LOADS.....this child is a product of a divorced home, he's angry, yadda yadda yadda,,,,,,,didn't get anger counseling to deal with his grief over mom and dad splitting- yadda yadd - and actually? No matter HOW YOU coped with the split? Or how you THOUGHT your kid did? Or how well the other kids may have dealt? THIS ONE DID NOT. AND....he needs to talk to someone about ----his "issues". And not only with his anger and how to deal with it. But about his drug abuse. Could it be a product of his anger? Meh - maybe. Could it be a product of low self esteem and hanging out with the wrong kids? Maybe....could it be genetic? That too. I mean no one knows for sure. But he's 15. There's still time for a lot of good to be done - and there you are SCREAMING for help. And no one is listening - so you have to learn ...HOW.NOT.TO.SCREAM. But to ask. Squeeky wheel gets the grease....but which gear to you ask? </p><p> </p><p>Well - at this point? The police have been NO help. You have searched your area for children advocates? Not much available. You could call the hospital for drug and alcohol addictions for teens. And you can go to places like AA, ALANON, NARC-A-NON, and Catholic Family Services - don't have to be religious or Catholic - don't even have to have a higher power - just need help. You can go to ANY County Health Agency for sliding scale counseling - if you have no money - and you can call your governors office and ask where do I go when I have an incorrigible teen and need help before he becomes more of a problem than I can handle? </p><p> </p><p>THEN I would go, NOT call - BUT GO - to your local county FAMILY COURT and ask to speak directly to a family court judge - ask for an appointment. Tell the judge that NO ONE will give you any help and ask to file a petition of incorrigibility and find out what all that entails in your district or county. IF the judge will grant you and audience? HE MAY court order your son to rehab, juvenille, a work camp. MAY - </p><p> </p><p>You can also talk to the CHIEF of police and BEG him to find out if there are ANY programs that will take your kid into a scared straight prison program for juvenilles. May or may not help. </p><p> </p><p>If you feel your son is THAT out of control? Call PROBATION and PAROLE...., Department of Juvenile Justice. find a cop that works at the Department of Juvenile Justice facility or in the office and ask them what to do - THESE PEOPLE KNOW PEOPLE - they just don't advertise it. Or every parent who had a kid that sneezed wrong would be bringing little johnny to the jail house. Know what I mean?? </p><p> </p><p>There is help - BUT you have to be willing to put yourself - in therapy - FIRST. Otherwise they will look at you like YOU REFUSE to believe that the ONLY problem in this family dynamic is your son. If you can come down a notch and say - I 'may' be at the point where I need help to deal with him, can you help me? And say in counseling - FOR YOURSELF - to cope - because I mean - HECK - YOU NEED someone to blow it out the backdoor with at least ONCE a week - GIRL - look at what you wrote us.......Don't you think you need to do that with someone that can give you legitimate answers and HELP - I mean SEVERELY GOOD one on one help and a way to level the playing field each week with this kid and a way to uncork yourself before you loose your husband? I do. I did. And I've had my fiance for 12 years - OTHERWISE he would have been long gone - trust me on that. </p><p> </p><p>I don't say anything above to dictate your life, lay it in stone - or advise - it's suggestions. But it's hindsight, and good advice from someone who has been in the trenches - 20 years plus and led a very VERY interesting life, and now leads a very (mostly lol) peaceful one. I want that for you too. Really. Really. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 405342, member: 4964"] AHUM.... AHAH! Hi there - welcome to the family. WHAT a powerful advocate you are for your son - that's good. I like a woman who can voice her opinion and doesn't back down from a challenge. That is actually part of the battle with kids like ours. The other part? Ah that? Yeah well that is the tricky part and it gets mucky at best and takes friends who have been there done that to navigate the muck. I'll try to help because I didn't START out like you are - I arrived there years later but boy sister when I did? I was a force - still am. However - you have to learn how to be a stealthy force. Otherwise you get the treatment like you did. Or the nut hut- (chuckles -) nut hut after living with my kid? NOT.SO.BAD - 4 hots and a cot - plus craft class - LOOKING GOOD. Know what I mean?? Okay but on a serious note - there are "things" that "these people" (coughs) - the "Professionals" want to hear out of YOU. And goodness knows that while ALL of you just wants to get up and smack the smart right off of them and literally scream ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME KID DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO LIVE WITH? about every three minutes? And know that THEY go home every night and sleep and WE go home every night and cat nap, wait for every creeking door, or window, or have to walk around with our keys on our wrist, or all our medications locked in a safe we had to invest in, or worry that our kid is freezing out somewhere or that we could buy stock in PRILOSEC? yeah - you just want to sit there and plug your ears and sing lalalalallalah.....you have no idea what you are talking about you can come live at my house for a week you are so book smart lalalalalalalah.....phooey. The things that you should know now? First? They want to know that YOU - not your son - but YOU the MOTHER (yeah aint this grand?) are in counseling. (laughing yet?) Yupppppp. If you come back with "Well I'm seeing Dr. Freud once a week." then the issue of your anger, hostility, rage, and being out of control are being addressed - so it's a misnomer and --thus? Untouchable - so they have to - get that HAVE TO move on to the CHILD. Doesn't matter if your husband or the other son are in counseling - because technically - he's not DAD. you've already told them husband is NOT biodad. AND because of that? THEY AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME......LOADS.....this child is a product of a divorced home, he's angry, yadda yadda yadda,,,,,,,didn't get anger counseling to deal with his grief over mom and dad splitting- yadda yadd - and actually? No matter HOW YOU coped with the split? Or how you THOUGHT your kid did? Or how well the other kids may have dealt? THIS ONE DID NOT. AND....he needs to talk to someone about ----his "issues". And not only with his anger and how to deal with it. But about his drug abuse. Could it be a product of his anger? Meh - maybe. Could it be a product of low self esteem and hanging out with the wrong kids? Maybe....could it be genetic? That too. I mean no one knows for sure. But he's 15. There's still time for a lot of good to be done - and there you are SCREAMING for help. And no one is listening - so you have to learn ...HOW.NOT.TO.SCREAM. But to ask. Squeeky wheel gets the grease....but which gear to you ask? Well - at this point? The police have been NO help. You have searched your area for children advocates? Not much available. You could call the hospital for drug and alcohol addictions for teens. And you can go to places like AA, ALANON, NARC-A-NON, and Catholic Family Services - don't have to be religious or Catholic - don't even have to have a higher power - just need help. You can go to ANY County Health Agency for sliding scale counseling - if you have no money - and you can call your governors office and ask where do I go when I have an incorrigible teen and need help before he becomes more of a problem than I can handle? THEN I would go, NOT call - BUT GO - to your local county FAMILY COURT and ask to speak directly to a family court judge - ask for an appointment. Tell the judge that NO ONE will give you any help and ask to file a petition of incorrigibility and find out what all that entails in your district or county. IF the judge will grant you and audience? HE MAY court order your son to rehab, juvenille, a work camp. MAY - You can also talk to the CHIEF of police and BEG him to find out if there are ANY programs that will take your kid into a scared straight prison program for juvenilles. May or may not help. If you feel your son is THAT out of control? Call PROBATION and PAROLE...., Department of Juvenile Justice. find a cop that works at the Department of Juvenile Justice facility or in the office and ask them what to do - THESE PEOPLE KNOW PEOPLE - they just don't advertise it. Or every parent who had a kid that sneezed wrong would be bringing little johnny to the jail house. Know what I mean?? There is help - BUT you have to be willing to put yourself - in therapy - FIRST. Otherwise they will look at you like YOU REFUSE to believe that the ONLY problem in this family dynamic is your son. If you can come down a notch and say - I 'may' be at the point where I need help to deal with him, can you help me? And say in counseling - FOR YOURSELF - to cope - because I mean - HECK - YOU NEED someone to blow it out the backdoor with at least ONCE a week - GIRL - look at what you wrote us.......Don't you think you need to do that with someone that can give you legitimate answers and HELP - I mean SEVERELY GOOD one on one help and a way to level the playing field each week with this kid and a way to uncork yourself before you loose your husband? I do. I did. And I've had my fiance for 12 years - OTHERWISE he would have been long gone - trust me on that. I don't say anything above to dictate your life, lay it in stone - or advise - it's suggestions. But it's hindsight, and good advice from someone who has been in the trenches - 20 years plus and led a very VERY interesting life, and now leads a very (mostly lol) peaceful one. I want that for you too. Really. Really. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie - Wondering if it is too late to help my son
Top