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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 706854" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>When I read your posts WBGF I am taken aback by how much you give and how little you receive, especially in terms of care and love. </p><p></p><p>It sounds as if you are all alone in a room full of addicted narcissists (not including your youngest who is just young). I feel for you, but you are the only one who can change the situation. You seem to be waiting for your wife and your step son to change. That is an act of futility, frustration and chaos which usually leads to resentments and perhaps in your case, depression. I don't think we're meant to be in connections where there is no reciprocity, we're meant to be in connections where there is a balance of give and take, however, you seem to be in only one kind of connection, those around you take, you give. At some point I imagine, you will burn out on all of it, or get sick or blow up.......I don't think we can sustain that level of imbalance for the long haul without doing much damage to ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Take stock of your situation realistically, make a list of the pros and cons of your connections. And, please, find some support, generally it takes people outside of our usual sphere of influence to really see the truth of what we are doing.....otherwise we don't see it, it remains out of our awareness and we stay stuck. Al Anon, therapy, a pastor/priest, a counselor or trusted friend, anyone who will actually tell you what they see and hear. You seem to be mired in enabling on every front. Have you read Codependent no More yet? </p><p></p><p>My wish for you is that you find yourself...... get yourself off of the cliff you're standing on and realize it's within your power to step back from the ledge and move on to a better place.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 706854, member: 13542"] When I read your posts WBGF I am taken aback by how much you give and how little you receive, especially in terms of care and love. It sounds as if you are all alone in a room full of addicted narcissists (not including your youngest who is just young). I feel for you, but you are the only one who can change the situation. You seem to be waiting for your wife and your step son to change. That is an act of futility, frustration and chaos which usually leads to resentments and perhaps in your case, depression. I don't think we're meant to be in connections where there is no reciprocity, we're meant to be in connections where there is a balance of give and take, however, you seem to be in only one kind of connection, those around you take, you give. At some point I imagine, you will burn out on all of it, or get sick or blow up.......I don't think we can sustain that level of imbalance for the long haul without doing much damage to ourselves. Take stock of your situation realistically, make a list of the pros and cons of your connections. And, please, find some support, generally it takes people outside of our usual sphere of influence to really see the truth of what we are doing.....otherwise we don't see it, it remains out of our awareness and we stay stuck. Al Anon, therapy, a pastor/priest, a counselor or trusted friend, anyone who will actually tell you what they see and hear. You seem to be mired in enabling on every front. Have you read Codependent no More yet? My wish for you is that you find yourself...... get yourself off of the cliff you're standing on and realize it's within your power to step back from the ledge and move on to a better place. [/QUOTE]
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