Up and Down I missed your post somehow and your question to me.
My son started with weed at 15 and he's now almost 21 and he is sober now because he has to be -- but I'm pretty sure he is certainly under the impression he can use beer and weed recreationally. I know I will get backlash from this but who knows, maybe some day in a million years he can but I would never tell him that and he surely can't right now.
Unfortunately U&D I don't have any advice either way because it has been such a long journey for us and I don't know what I would change if that were even possible. We put our son in rehab at age 15 for marijuana (first of 3x) because he was expelled from school and that's what the "experts" told me to do. Guess what. He went right back to it after a few months and more (drinking, snorting God knows what etc.). I don't think it did much for him BUT the family sessions educated my husband and I tremendously. We were "green". I think that is what you should do. Learn everything you can about addiction because you may need it. Maybe this is all your son will ever do but I think that is unlikely.
I would set firm rules in your home about smoking and punish him by taking away things he likes if you can. I remember us being kind of emotionally afraid of our son because we did not know what was happening or what to do/how to handle it and my husband kind of left it up to me to decide what to do (but said he'd support me). Looking back I think this was a mistake on our part. Maybe someone else has better advice but honestly it's all a crapshoot and he's so young.
