As always , thanks for all the support and wisdom!
I feel much better today -a good night's sleep and NO wine does wonders for the spirit!
I won't have ANY problem telling difficult child that coming to live with me is not an option. I cannot and NEVER will allow him to live with me again. As much as he claims to love me, I have always been the outlet for his rage when we lived together. I am never going to put myself in that kind of danger again.
It does help that he is 1,000 miles away from me! His sentence included 3 years of probation so I doubt he can leave Colorado. He is in a program called PACE which deals with dual diagnosis patients/inmates. They are supposed to help with housing and jobs. He has to check in with them daily for medications and random drug testing.
THEY can be his parents now.
I believe that he fears the world. He has no coping mechanism other than drugs and alcohol and his fears direct him back to those things-that's all he knows how to stop the pain, so he returns to the familiar. And he usually whirls everyone else he can into that chaos. If he has matured at all, I pray that he will get a grip on reality and try to rebuild a life that is productive and healthy. He, hope springs eternal, right?
Right now, I'm in the moment-he has money (which means food and shelter) and community resources at his disposal. Nothing *I* can do about anything he is doing. I have to learn how to cope better when I know he DOESN'T have those things. been there done that too!
I DO have another situation that I would appreciate advice on. My younger son (easy child) lives in CO with his dad. I had planned a visit there when difficult child was still in jail. My easy child had to get approval for a weekend off and it looks like it will be mid July. Now that difficult child is out, I don't want my visit there to be dominated by difficult child's demands. I don't want the focus to be on what he is doing, so that my easy child doesn't get the time with me. difficult child knows I'm coming out there (I thought he would be in jail when I was there and I could visit him for 30 minutes a week, enough time for ME! 
.
So I don't want to go too early-difficult child will be frantic in demands, because I'm there and he doesn't know how to conduct himself after 7 months incarceration. I also don't want to go too late, when difficult child might have exhausted resources and be frantic about his future...
Typing that, it looks like frantic is on the cards no matter when I go, haha.
I'm also aware that I just made EVERYTHING about difficult child and not about easy child. That shows the power I have allowed him to have over me...
What I SHOUD be thinking is how lovely it will be to see my easy child and what kinds of fun we can have while I'm there and to give him lots of praise about how is he is surviving and thriving, all on his OWN terms and initiatives.
Time for a priority tune-up, right?
