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Not really sure what to do...I guess I'm looking for support, ideas, and commiseratio
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<blockquote data-quote="agee" data-source="post: 295326"><p>Thank you all so much for your responses. It really just helps to know I'm not alone in this. All my friends have "normal" kids and it's hard to really find someone to talk to who knows what it's like to live with a kid like this.</p><p></p><p>And yes, EE is Eastern Europe! </p><p></p><p>I want to answer some questions so you get a better picture of my darling child.</p><p></p><p>First:</p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't think that he is autistic, although I could be wrong, I guess. He can make eye contact, although you have to tell him to, and he *can* plan with toys normally and has done so, especially at other people's houses. Some days, particularly when he's been early on with a new stimulant, he and his brother play together - legos, cars, zooming stuff around, boy stuff. And he has a great imagination and can converse as long as he isn't being oppositional. Absolutely yes he can give and take. He plays best with kids younger than him. If he's in a crowd he'll wander off to play alone, and if kids are older/same age he tends to boss them around. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He can retain information, although it can be hard to measure for teachers, since he's more likely to blurt something out (free association) than think about it and give the real answer. He is highly distractable, so sometimes it's hard to tell if he's paying attention...but usually he is. His pre-k teacher used to say that she could read a story and he'd be rolling on the floor, poking his neighbor, wiggling, making noises, etc. and then when she'd ask the questions about the story he'd have perfect recall. So The big problems with his school work - reading and handwriting - are impulsivity. Instead of sounding out words he'll just blurt. </p><p></p><p>And yes, he has a 504. He had an AWESOME kindergarten teacher and we both pushed for one and it's very appropriate. School is actually not the huge issue. It's more home.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Okay. I know this and I appreciate your bluntness. There are better ways to deal with him that won't make me feel like such a horrible mother. Physical touch - whether rough or not - does get his attention better than anything, however. I know he'll listen better if I'm squeezing his arm. But I totally agree that this is something I need to get away from. It can easily get out of hand. </p><p></p><p>But I do have to disagree with the last bit - a lot of times it *does* seem to be his fault when he misbehaves. I think he should have some of the blame! Sometimes he can keep it together and sometimes he can't. Sometimes it's clear that he does things specifically to try to make me mad or get attention. He also does the same misbehaviors over and over and over and over and over again and when asked WHY he says it's because he wants to. Strict boundaries, rules, and clear consequences are the only thing that's worked for him. If I really thought it wasn't his "fault," somehow, then why bother having consequences at all? He'd be (more of) a little animal if we ran our house that way.</p><p></p><p>Any other insight from you all, now that I've added some more info, is fully appreciated. We have an appointment Thurs. and I'll talk to the psychiatrist about a referral/recommendation for a neuropsychologist - I can also call the place that did the team evaluation. and find out if they have someone one staff. evaluations. are really tricky with him because he gets fairly anxious in strange situations and tends to be very much in control. It's hard for them to see the full picture. But I'm sure experienced people have their ways of figuring it all out!</p><p></p><p>Thanks again,</p><p>A</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="agee, post: 295326"] Thank you all so much for your responses. It really just helps to know I'm not alone in this. All my friends have "normal" kids and it's hard to really find someone to talk to who knows what it's like to live with a kid like this. And yes, EE is Eastern Europe! I want to answer some questions so you get a better picture of my darling child. First: I don't think that he is autistic, although I could be wrong, I guess. He can make eye contact, although you have to tell him to, and he *can* plan with toys normally and has done so, especially at other people's houses. Some days, particularly when he's been early on with a new stimulant, he and his brother play together - legos, cars, zooming stuff around, boy stuff. And he has a great imagination and can converse as long as he isn't being oppositional. Absolutely yes he can give and take. He plays best with kids younger than him. If he's in a crowd he'll wander off to play alone, and if kids are older/same age he tends to boss them around. He can retain information, although it can be hard to measure for teachers, since he's more likely to blurt something out (free association) than think about it and give the real answer. He is highly distractable, so sometimes it's hard to tell if he's paying attention...but usually he is. His pre-k teacher used to say that she could read a story and he'd be rolling on the floor, poking his neighbor, wiggling, making noises, etc. and then when she'd ask the questions about the story he'd have perfect recall. So The big problems with his school work - reading and handwriting - are impulsivity. Instead of sounding out words he'll just blurt. And yes, he has a 504. He had an AWESOME kindergarten teacher and we both pushed for one and it's very appropriate. School is actually not the huge issue. It's more home. Okay. I know this and I appreciate your bluntness. There are better ways to deal with him that won't make me feel like such a horrible mother. Physical touch - whether rough or not - does get his attention better than anything, however. I know he'll listen better if I'm squeezing his arm. But I totally agree that this is something I need to get away from. It can easily get out of hand. But I do have to disagree with the last bit - a lot of times it *does* seem to be his fault when he misbehaves. I think he should have some of the blame! Sometimes he can keep it together and sometimes he can't. Sometimes it's clear that he does things specifically to try to make me mad or get attention. He also does the same misbehaviors over and over and over and over and over again and when asked WHY he says it's because he wants to. Strict boundaries, rules, and clear consequences are the only thing that's worked for him. If I really thought it wasn't his "fault," somehow, then why bother having consequences at all? He'd be (more of) a little animal if we ran our house that way. Any other insight from you all, now that I've added some more info, is fully appreciated. We have an appointment Thurs. and I'll talk to the psychiatrist about a referral/recommendation for a neuropsychologist - I can also call the place that did the team evaluation. and find out if they have someone one staff. evaluations. are really tricky with him because he gets fairly anxious in strange situations and tends to be very much in control. It's hard for them to see the full picture. But I'm sure experienced people have their ways of figuring it all out! Thanks again, A [/QUOTE]
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