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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747274" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I don't think there is a right thing to do when we locate right or wrong outside of ourselves.</p><p></p><p>There can only be right and wrong for us, for the sanctity of our home, for the welfare of our family of which we are an essential part.</p><p></p><p>Part of the problem with our kids is this: a huge imbalance has occured. Have you seen pictures of people or animals with tumors where the diseased part has grown so huge as to deform the body?</p><p></p><p>That's what has happened to each of our kids where the addiction has subsumed their lives and will and with that, our energies and our families. Part of what has to happen is a return to balance. This is one way the faith based treatment programs and 12 step groups help.</p><p></p><p>We have become accustomed to gauge our well being by their well being. We only work, if they are safe. They begin to feel powerless and without efficacy in their own lives. This is a huge destortion that has to change. We can only change it in us. By starting again to locate power, well being, will, efficacy in us. And basically learning to make them peripheral.</p><p></p><p>Not to ignore or forget or to be uncaring, but so that they can begin to locate their well being in them. Not us.</p><p></p><p>My son yesterday said about his state that it was irrevocable. Of course he's right. Because if he doesn't put himself in a space where he becomes empowered to decide to revoke the power he's given to the drug, it will be irrevocable. I spoke to him about illness and death. Because this is where his lifestyle leads. What's the point of beating around the bush?</p><p></p><p>I don't want to participate. And I want him to know that I am facing the reality of my life, independent of his decisions. Finally, I can bear to look the reality in it's face.</p><p></p><p>It does not have to be my reality. Nor his. But I have no control here. My choices are mine. His are his. This is true for your daughter, too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747274, member: 18958"] I don't think there is a right thing to do when we locate right or wrong outside of ourselves. There can only be right and wrong for us, for the sanctity of our home, for the welfare of our family of which we are an essential part. Part of the problem with our kids is this: a huge imbalance has occured. Have you seen pictures of people or animals with tumors where the diseased part has grown so huge as to deform the body? That's what has happened to each of our kids where the addiction has subsumed their lives and will and with that, our energies and our families. Part of what has to happen is a return to balance. This is one way the faith based treatment programs and 12 step groups help. We have become accustomed to gauge our well being by their well being. We only work, if they are safe. They begin to feel powerless and without efficacy in their own lives. This is a huge destortion that has to change. We can only change it in us. By starting again to locate power, well being, will, efficacy in us. And basically learning to make them peripheral. Not to ignore or forget or to be uncaring, but so that they can begin to locate their well being in them. Not us. My son yesterday said about his state that it was irrevocable. Of course he's right. Because if he doesn't put himself in a space where he becomes empowered to decide to revoke the power he's given to the drug, it will be irrevocable. I spoke to him about illness and death. Because this is where his lifestyle leads. What's the point of beating around the bush? I don't want to participate. And I want him to know that I am facing the reality of my life, independent of his decisions. Finally, I can bear to look the reality in it's face. It does not have to be my reality. Nor his. But I have no control here. My choices are mine. His are his. This is true for your daughter, too. [/QUOTE]
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