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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682816" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am sorry for your hardships growing up. There is a forum here-Family of Origin, where folks have written about their childhood.</p><p>The pain we go through with our d cs cuts to the very core of us and can dredge up old wounds from the past, that we may, or may not have processed. You are most welcome to post there, if you wish as well. What a tough time you have had, Looking. So you had your girl at 21 or so. I had my eldest at 20. Yes, socialized and had fun, but for the most part concentrated on raising her. As, I am sure you did, too.</p><p>Looking, we are human, we did the best we could do under the circumstances we were in. Please do not blame yourself. We do no good by going that route. If you blame yourself, then I shall have to go back down that road, and I do not want to. It is a sharp sword that we fall on and it hurts too much......We can be our own worst enemies with this. Whatever we did, or didn't do in the exasperation of raising d cs, <em>we did our best. </em></p><p><em>They grow up and make choices of their own accord. </em></p><p>Their choices, their consequences.</p><p>Sure, I have apologized to my kids for the shades of stupid that I went through. Yes, I did make mistakes. I forgive myself. I am human.</p><p></p><p> You are strong, Looking. Everyone is different, our kids are all so different. Don't write the end of the story for yourself or your daughter. She will do as she pleases, no matter what until she figures out the consequences are not worth it. She has to figure that out, and you are giving her the greatest chance by saying "Not in my house." Good for you, and her. Good for your family, that you are strong and resolute, and will not allow this in your house. The ultimate, is that you have stood up and made a clear statement and followed through on it. The rest is up to your daughter, but she must know that she cannot use you, or fool you into feeling responsible for her actions. That is the best thing you can do for her right now at this minute, this day, to <em>let her learn from her choices</em>. It is how we all learn. She has wings, can be responsible, can find her way. The likelihood of her learning is greater, because you have put your foot down. Stay the course. Try not to write the end of the story. Many d cs here have learned from their mistakes, and walked different paths.</p><p></p><p> You are not your mother. By your description of your marriage and your 8 year old, you are a wonderful mother. I am sure you are a wonderful mother in every way to both of your children. They are just two very different people.</p><p>Don't be so hard on yourself.</p><p>You are only human.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682816, member: 19522"] I am sorry for your hardships growing up. There is a forum here-Family of Origin, where folks have written about their childhood. The pain we go through with our d cs cuts to the very core of us and can dredge up old wounds from the past, that we may, or may not have processed. You are most welcome to post there, if you wish as well. What a tough time you have had, Looking. So you had your girl at 21 or so. I had my eldest at 20. Yes, socialized and had fun, but for the most part concentrated on raising her. As, I am sure you did, too. Looking, we are human, we did the best we could do under the circumstances we were in. Please do not blame yourself. We do no good by going that route. If you blame yourself, then I shall have to go back down that road, and I do not want to. It is a sharp sword that we fall on and it hurts too much......We can be our own worst enemies with this. Whatever we did, or didn't do in the exasperation of raising d cs, [I]we did our best. They grow up and make choices of their own accord. [/I] Their choices, their consequences. Sure, I have apologized to my kids for the shades of stupid that I went through. Yes, I did make mistakes. I forgive myself. I am human. You are strong, Looking. Everyone is different, our kids are all so different. Don't write the end of the story for yourself or your daughter. She will do as she pleases, no matter what until she figures out the consequences are not worth it. She has to figure that out, and you are giving her the greatest chance by saying "Not in my house." Good for you, and her. Good for your family, that you are strong and resolute, and will not allow this in your house. The ultimate, is that you have stood up and made a clear statement and followed through on it. The rest is up to your daughter, but she must know that she cannot use you, or fool you into feeling responsible for her actions. That is the best thing you can do for her right now at this minute, this day, to [I]let her learn from her choices[/I]. It is how we all learn. She has wings, can be responsible, can find her way. The likelihood of her learning is greater, because you have put your foot down. Stay the course. Try not to write the end of the story. Many d cs here have learned from their mistakes, and walked different paths. You are not your mother. By your description of your marriage and your 8 year old, you are a wonderful mother. I am sure you are a wonderful mother in every way to both of your children. They are just two very different people. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are only human. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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