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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 754436" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>JayPee, I am so sorry. I totally understand. I have been in a spiral since my last post. As suspected my Difficult Child daughter has found a way to hurt me once again. I know, just as you do, that I allow it. Thing is, how to stop letting it hurt me? I fear she is dying from her alcohol abuse. </p><p></p><p>Our Difficult Child's are all over the place. How do we deal with it? My family supports me, but they don't have answers anymore than I do. I am my DCs target. Admittedly, I enabled for far too long. She manipulates, tells me and says I am the most beautiful spirited person she has ever known and follows it up with, but never been there, she is done with me... That is until she wants to try to get money, once again. I think they believe if they keep doing and behaving the way that has worked in the past, we will cave. No caving here. I am painfully reminded that my daughter doesn't want the provisional help I offer. I think they are so mentally messed up, they don't care. If they see they can hurt us, have us awake all night crying because we can't find any answers that make sense (dumb on our part, since the answer does not lie within us, it is theirs alone when they refuse to acknowledge the boundaries) . My daughter, I call her May here, doesn't want to live. My other children tell me to stop trying, there is absolutely nothing I say that she will ever respond to nicely. I start feeling like I might be a masochist. I think if I hadn't let May's paternal side aunt get to me so badly, I would be navigating better. </p><p></p><p>I think it's difficult for everyone this time of the year. Stick to your boundaries because in the end, nothing changes except our own well-being is affected negatively. My other children have asked me to quit reaching out, while my sister says I have to get a handle on the fact my Difficult Child is a mentally ill alcoholic. She says not to block my Difficult Child, my best friend and other family says do what I need to do for me. I took counsel from everyone. I have blocked phone calls, but not texts. May lives in another state, by her choice. She is dying, by her choice. She is alone because of the way she has treated all those who have tried to help her help herself. </p><p></p><p>We can't make them do the right thing. They have to want to. </p><p></p><p>My heart breaks for every other mother out there who is in this situation, especially those who don't have a place like this to work through their feelings and actions toward disentanglement. Am I good? Not today. But I am better. Working at three steps forward and only one back. </p><p></p><p>This is what I have done. My favorite hobby is photography. My husband took me out into nature so I could clear my head space. I have baked a ton of cookies to share with the neighbors. Next is to reorganize my freezer. Keep moving.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 754436, member: 23811"] JayPee, I am so sorry. I totally understand. I have been in a spiral since my last post. As suspected my Difficult Child daughter has found a way to hurt me once again. I know, just as you do, that I allow it. Thing is, how to stop letting it hurt me? I fear she is dying from her alcohol abuse. Our Difficult Child's are all over the place. How do we deal with it? My family supports me, but they don't have answers anymore than I do. I am my DCs target. Admittedly, I enabled for far too long. She manipulates, tells me and says I am the most beautiful spirited person she has ever known and follows it up with, but never been there, she is done with me... That is until she wants to try to get money, once again. I think they believe if they keep doing and behaving the way that has worked in the past, we will cave. No caving here. I am painfully reminded that my daughter doesn't want the provisional help I offer. I think they are so mentally messed up, they don't care. If they see they can hurt us, have us awake all night crying because we can't find any answers that make sense (dumb on our part, since the answer does not lie within us, it is theirs alone when they refuse to acknowledge the boundaries) . My daughter, I call her May here, doesn't want to live. My other children tell me to stop trying, there is absolutely nothing I say that she will ever respond to nicely. I start feeling like I might be a masochist. I think if I hadn't let May's paternal side aunt get to me so badly, I would be navigating better. I think it's difficult for everyone this time of the year. Stick to your boundaries because in the end, nothing changes except our own well-being is affected negatively. My other children have asked me to quit reaching out, while my sister says I have to get a handle on the fact my Difficult Child is a mentally ill alcoholic. She says not to block my Difficult Child, my best friend and other family says do what I need to do for me. I took counsel from everyone. I have blocked phone calls, but not texts. May lives in another state, by her choice. She is dying, by her choice. She is alone because of the way she has treated all those who have tried to help her help herself. We can't make them do the right thing. They have to want to. My heart breaks for every other mother out there who is in this situation, especially those who don't have a place like this to work through their feelings and actions toward disentanglement. Am I good? Not today. But I am better. Working at three steps forward and only one back. This is what I have done. My favorite hobby is photography. My husband took me out into nature so I could clear my head space. I have baked a ton of cookies to share with the neighbors. Next is to reorganize my freezer. Keep moving. :staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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