I totally understand what you are saying, Copa. Yes, your son believes in conspiracy theories that may get in the way of making reasonable choices, at times. My own son is much, much worse, but I do understand your point.
He might not always have good rational thought and believes, at times, in things that are not real.
But, even with a mental illness, a person still needs to follow rules.
I have read extensively on the topic, as of lately. Even when an adult has a mental illness, you still need to have some expectations in place. In fact, well-meaning parents often take over their simple daily chores or rountines. They think that they are helping them. But, the inverse is true. They are enabling them. They are telling their adult child, "Wow, you ARE sick. You cannot do anything 'normal' adults can do."
You were right. He broke your rules. He was wrong to do so.
You have to forgive me, though. Do you know what I kept thinking? He is SOCIABLE enough to have a girl over.
Yes, it was wrong. You do not even know who she is. Was she using him? How long has he known her? But, your son is much closer to being normal than mine is. My son has never had a girlfriend, ever, and he has not had a friend in 10 years. I would be ecstatic if my son was caught with a guest or guests.
I am telling you this to put it all in perspective. It could always be worse!
I saw one of my 2 friends that know about my ill son. Her brother was schizophrenic and homeless in the 80's in Venice Beach. His 'friends' used to give him L.S.D. to see how he would act.
I told her about my issue with my son leaving his driver's license at In and Out. She brought up the viewpoint that wallets have tight pockets for driver's licenses. She asked, "Are you sure that he did not leave it on purpose? You know. To erase any way to track him?"
With that one question, she instantly plunged me down into new depths of despair. I monitored my reaction and quickly said that he just must have dropped it by mistake. She countered with, "Why would he have to show I.D. at In and Out?" She wasn't trying to make me feel worse. She was in earnest. Paranoid delusions and tormenting voices make you do strange things.
So, Copa, remember that you said that he was acting better than last time. That is progress. One step forward. He trusted someone enough to have her at the house. Maybe a half a step forward. He broke the rules...one step back. He is still ahead, a half of a step...
Another big thing is you still have contact. He still calls you and comes to your house. Yes, he takes advantage of you. But, he is still reaching out to you. That, in and of itself, is a blessing.
Again, that is from my perspective. My warped, frantic, worried perspective. I literally ache to see or hear my son.
So, think about the fact that he has shown, at times, a bit of improvement. Yes, still have rules. But, be cognizant that he may continue to stumble. He needs guidelines and that you know that he can accomplish a lot in life.
