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Now he is really gone.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 679223" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa, I'm more a realist (when I am at my best). I try not to think "glass is half empty" or "glass is half full" if there is evidence one way or the other. If I see a reason to hope, such as changed behavior, I let myself hope, but I am also not a masochist and don't like to be disappointed. I am NOT telling you to be like me, but I know that if I were you, I would not be feeling hopeful now because there is no evidence that Boy is in any way interested in changing. That does not mean he won't, just that he is not showing any signs now. Would I feel negative? Probably. Is that bad? I don't think it's helpful to us, but I do think that right now it is realistic and best to just move on with your life and try not thinking about his problems at all. You can't know if he is truly bulimic or not or maybe he has a bad stomach...at any rate, unless he is willing to get medical help, there is nothing that can be done for it. Taking M's bike was very defiant. He could have asked in a respectful way and perhaps M. would have decided to let him have it, but he just took it. He's not playing fair.</p><p></p><p>I think our FOOs affect us. My parents were both very negative thinkers so I guess I'm lucky that sometimes (emphasis sometimes) I can be a realist and just look at the facts. If there is a choice between a positive and a negative about something that has not concluded, I tend more toward the negative, but I have gotten better at looking at the facts first and trying to be realistic. Am I perfect at it? LOL, no.</p><p></p><p>I'm not a big fan of hope, just like I'm not a big fan of anything I can't see or hear or feel. I can't hope for somebody else to do better until they do. I only believe in the spirituality that I believe I have seen and experienced. Etc., etc. etc.</p><p></p><p>Hope can lead to disappointment. I favor realism and a wait and see attitude. That does not mean to give up. It means that right now, in this moment, it is what is is. It is being mindful. Do not feel bad if you can't feel hopeful about your son at this moment. I did not feel hopeful about my daughter until she actually gave me reasons to rejoice. And your son may yet do that, but he is not there yet.</p><p></p><p>Copa, never give up. That does not mean hope for something that may be not happen. Just never tell yourself that something will NEVER happen. And go with the flow. See what happens. Be good to you and M. Take each day as it comes and don't do what I do when I am being my absolute worst---jumps leapyears into the future in your mind. Try to calm down and focus on today. Today your son is still relatively ok medically (most of us have SOME medical issues) and he is peppy enough to steal a bike <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> No, that's not a good thing, but it shows he has normal energy.</p><p></p><p>Try to slow your mind down. If yours races like mine, it takes work. It is something I w ill have to work on forever, but it is much more peaceful than thinking about the future, which we can't predict, hopefully or negatively.</p><p></p><p>Please have a nice, nice, peaceful night and try to focus on the now. There are great books out there on how to be mindful. Tara Brach has lots of books on mindfulness.</p><p></p><p>You take care. I do consider you a dear friend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 679223, member: 1550"] Copa, I'm more a realist (when I am at my best). I try not to think "glass is half empty" or "glass is half full" if there is evidence one way or the other. If I see a reason to hope, such as changed behavior, I let myself hope, but I am also not a masochist and don't like to be disappointed. I am NOT telling you to be like me, but I know that if I were you, I would not be feeling hopeful now because there is no evidence that Boy is in any way interested in changing. That does not mean he won't, just that he is not showing any signs now. Would I feel negative? Probably. Is that bad? I don't think it's helpful to us, but I do think that right now it is realistic and best to just move on with your life and try not thinking about his problems at all. You can't know if he is truly bulimic or not or maybe he has a bad stomach...at any rate, unless he is willing to get medical help, there is nothing that can be done for it. Taking M's bike was very defiant. He could have asked in a respectful way and perhaps M. would have decided to let him have it, but he just took it. He's not playing fair. I think our FOOs affect us. My parents were both very negative thinkers so I guess I'm lucky that sometimes (emphasis sometimes) I can be a realist and just look at the facts. If there is a choice between a positive and a negative about something that has not concluded, I tend more toward the negative, but I have gotten better at looking at the facts first and trying to be realistic. Am I perfect at it? LOL, no. I'm not a big fan of hope, just like I'm not a big fan of anything I can't see or hear or feel. I can't hope for somebody else to do better until they do. I only believe in the spirituality that I believe I have seen and experienced. Etc., etc. etc. Hope can lead to disappointment. I favor realism and a wait and see attitude. That does not mean to give up. It means that right now, in this moment, it is what is is. It is being mindful. Do not feel bad if you can't feel hopeful about your son at this moment. I did not feel hopeful about my daughter until she actually gave me reasons to rejoice. And your son may yet do that, but he is not there yet. Copa, never give up. That does not mean hope for something that may be not happen. Just never tell yourself that something will NEVER happen. And go with the flow. See what happens. Be good to you and M. Take each day as it comes and don't do what I do when I am being my absolute worst---jumps leapyears into the future in your mind. Try to calm down and focus on today. Today your son is still relatively ok medically (most of us have SOME medical issues) and he is peppy enough to steal a bike ;) No, that's not a good thing, but it shows he has normal energy. Try to slow your mind down. If yours races like mine, it takes work. It is something I w ill have to work on forever, but it is much more peaceful than thinking about the future, which we can't predict, hopefully or negatively. Please have a nice, nice, peaceful night and try to focus on the now. There are great books out there on how to be mindful. Tara Brach has lots of books on mindfulness. You take care. I do consider you a dear friend. [/QUOTE]
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