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Parent Emeritus
Now he is really gone.
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 679412" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>You hold yourself prisoner in your unwillingness. No different than our children who are unwilling to seek help, take responsibility, grow up....the very things that put you where you are. Be the role model your son needs by being strong, living your life, not letting others (including him) drag you down. He may not follow your example, but set it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If that were true, it would be true of every single parent on this message board. We did this. We caused that. We deserve this. And that isn't true. Remember, you aren't the only OR the even the biggest piece of the puzzle inside your son's personality.</p><p></p><p>I was where you are and a good friend gave me a great piece of advice: </p><p></p><p>Feel your pain, your anger, your guilt...own it. Take the time to live in it and accept the situation and your child as she is. But no matter how comfortable it is, don't pack a bag and live there.</p><p></p><p>And it can get comfortable, it can even sometimes be easier, to curl up and live in all that pain. The harder thing is to get up each day and LIVE. And at first, it feels like you are faking it. Maybe you even are. But behaviors become habits, and living again can become a habit if you make yourself get up and do it.</p><p></p><p>Whatever it takes to get your mind off of your son, even for very short times, brief respites - do those things. I read. I run. I work. I spend time with my family. I write. And when it comes back, I come here or call someone in my small circle and vent...and let it go. </p><p></p><p>The hard things become easy the more you do them. This is no exception.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 679412, member: 19905"] You hold yourself prisoner in your unwillingness. No different than our children who are unwilling to seek help, take responsibility, grow up....the very things that put you where you are. Be the role model your son needs by being strong, living your life, not letting others (including him) drag you down. He may not follow your example, but set it. If that were true, it would be true of every single parent on this message board. We did this. We caused that. We deserve this. And that isn't true. Remember, you aren't the only OR the even the biggest piece of the puzzle inside your son's personality. I was where you are and a good friend gave me a great piece of advice: Feel your pain, your anger, your guilt...own it. Take the time to live in it and accept the situation and your child as she is. But no matter how comfortable it is, don't pack a bag and live there. And it can get comfortable, it can even sometimes be easier, to curl up and live in all that pain. The harder thing is to get up each day and LIVE. And at first, it feels like you are faking it. Maybe you even are. But behaviors become habits, and living again can become a habit if you make yourself get up and do it. Whatever it takes to get your mind off of your son, even for very short times, brief respites - do those things. I read. I run. I work. I spend time with my family. I write. And when it comes back, I come here or call someone in my small circle and vent...and let it go. The hard things become easy the more you do them. This is no exception. [/QUOTE]
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