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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Cindy Marie" data-source="post: 711206" data-attributes="member: 21540"><p>I do wholeheartedly agree with you. I do not know if she would be willing to see an outside therapist. She is indeed an extremely immature minded young woman. I, of course, asked her why she would have signed for an automobile with monthly payments of $300 let alone cosign with this man knowing her school was a priority. "I don't know" is her continuous response. She also makes the comment that at least he cares about her education. Well if you just started your first part time job making $8.50/hr, approximately 15 hrs per week, I certainly do not see where she has convinced herself that he cares about her education as because of this car, she quit her classes and began working approximately 30-35 hrs per week. Not to mention , no sooner that she started her job, she was scheduled primarily on weekends--25 hours approximately just for the weekend--and he told her they would not be able to see each other with her working the entire weekend---so what does she do?? She advised her manager that due to the amount of school work she had, she would not be able to work weekends, but could work approximately 15-20 hours Monday through Thursday--5-9 evenings. After the car purchase though, she could not handle school and the stress of knowing how to pay for this car, so she quit but unbeknownst to him to this day and began working mornings she would have otherwise been in class. She advised me that her paycheck was around $420 last Wednesday. She had around $1100 week before last in her account as she showed me her bank statement voluntarily but several hundred of this was from her canceled classes-refund. They apparently went to dinner Thursday evening and he told her she had to pay because he had no money until payday. He does this often she says. She said she did not want much to eat as she was not that hungry and he told her she did not need to eat but that she could buy his food. He lives at home, works full time and never has money according to her. He is praying on a weak minded, vulnerable, immature girl. When she spends her money on him, she wants me to replace it. She does not tell me why, but I know exactly and I do not "replace" her money nor will I. </p><p></p><p>I have unleashed on several occasions and told her myself my concern for her and this so called relationship and that I am in fear for her and that she will most likely have to go to a safe house if and when this so called relationship ends. That might not have been wise on my part as I am still in a position of not knowing what to say or not to say but this is a serious situation and again I am frightened of him and so is my husband. I know and see the patterns of this situation and like last Thursday when she did not show up here as she planned, I knew she did not have her car and as soon as I initially asked, she said " I do not want to argue. " She is famous for this as it is her way of avoiding the topic. She did not say anything on the phone when we spoke, but when we hung up, she admitted she would have been here if she had her car. I asked her why she did not and again she said he had no gas in his car and did not get paid until the following day. I asked her what did he do in a situation like this before this "extra" car came along. No response. She texted me later that evening and said his mother told her she needed to talk to him about leaving her with no transportation. My daughter is afraid of him though she continues to deny this and his mother, I am certain, knows exactly why he left her with no car as well and is fully aware of his anger and other problems.</p><p></p><p>She wants to naturally blame me for kicking her out. Knowing who this man was, my husband and I should probably have allowed her to stay even though she would have stayed away continuously- thus his ploy to help her get a car with his name attached-but she knows in her heart why we did. When it all unfolded before my eyes, my heart just dropped and I knew that this could no longer go on and no way was he coming into our home. The disrespect, anger, lies, and all was more than I could take in our home. She was laying out all of the time anyways against our word. He told her her curfew was too early. You are so right in the concern for the stress it has caused and still continues to cause me. It is just so unhealthy. I have never been remotely in a situation like this and it has taken a toll on me. I appreciate the kind words and yes we have always been so close and that is another text she does write to me--that she misses how close we were. I try no to say anything negative about "him," but it is very difficult at times not to do so. I see right through him and because of the situation she is in, I have asked her about the family, how she interacts etc. and she becomes irate, and says she does not want to talk about him or them. I suppose out of sight, out of mind when she is around me.</p><p></p><p>I will try to set a specific time aside to talk to her daily as I no doubt need sanity breaks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cindy Marie, post: 711206, member: 21540"] I do wholeheartedly agree with you. I do not know if she would be willing to see an outside therapist. She is indeed an extremely immature minded young woman. I, of course, asked her why she would have signed for an automobile with monthly payments of $300 let alone cosign with this man knowing her school was a priority. "I don't know" is her continuous response. She also makes the comment that at least he cares about her education. Well if you just started your first part time job making $8.50/hr, approximately 15 hrs per week, I certainly do not see where she has convinced herself that he cares about her education as because of this car, she quit her classes and began working approximately 30-35 hrs per week. Not to mention , no sooner that she started her job, she was scheduled primarily on weekends--25 hours approximately just for the weekend--and he told her they would not be able to see each other with her working the entire weekend---so what does she do?? She advised her manager that due to the amount of school work she had, she would not be able to work weekends, but could work approximately 15-20 hours Monday through Thursday--5-9 evenings. After the car purchase though, she could not handle school and the stress of knowing how to pay for this car, so she quit but unbeknownst to him to this day and began working mornings she would have otherwise been in class. She advised me that her paycheck was around $420 last Wednesday. She had around $1100 week before last in her account as she showed me her bank statement voluntarily but several hundred of this was from her canceled classes-refund. They apparently went to dinner Thursday evening and he told her she had to pay because he had no money until payday. He does this often she says. She said she did not want much to eat as she was not that hungry and he told her she did not need to eat but that she could buy his food. He lives at home, works full time and never has money according to her. He is praying on a weak minded, vulnerable, immature girl. When she spends her money on him, she wants me to replace it. She does not tell me why, but I know exactly and I do not "replace" her money nor will I. I have unleashed on several occasions and told her myself my concern for her and this so called relationship and that I am in fear for her and that she will most likely have to go to a safe house if and when this so called relationship ends. That might not have been wise on my part as I am still in a position of not knowing what to say or not to say but this is a serious situation and again I am frightened of him and so is my husband. I know and see the patterns of this situation and like last Thursday when she did not show up here as she planned, I knew she did not have her car and as soon as I initially asked, she said " I do not want to argue. " She is famous for this as it is her way of avoiding the topic. She did not say anything on the phone when we spoke, but when we hung up, she admitted she would have been here if she had her car. I asked her why she did not and again she said he had no gas in his car and did not get paid until the following day. I asked her what did he do in a situation like this before this "extra" car came along. No response. She texted me later that evening and said his mother told her she needed to talk to him about leaving her with no transportation. My daughter is afraid of him though she continues to deny this and his mother, I am certain, knows exactly why he left her with no car as well and is fully aware of his anger and other problems. She wants to naturally blame me for kicking her out. Knowing who this man was, my husband and I should probably have allowed her to stay even though she would have stayed away continuously- thus his ploy to help her get a car with his name attached-but she knows in her heart why we did. When it all unfolded before my eyes, my heart just dropped and I knew that this could no longer go on and no way was he coming into our home. The disrespect, anger, lies, and all was more than I could take in our home. She was laying out all of the time anyways against our word. He told her her curfew was too early. You are so right in the concern for the stress it has caused and still continues to cause me. It is just so unhealthy. I have never been remotely in a situation like this and it has taken a toll on me. I appreciate the kind words and yes we have always been so close and that is another text she does write to me--that she misses how close we were. I try no to say anything negative about "him," but it is very difficult at times not to do so. I see right through him and because of the situation she is in, I have asked her about the family, how she interacts etc. and she becomes irate, and says she does not want to talk about him or them. I suppose out of sight, out of mind when she is around me. I will try to set a specific time aside to talk to her daily as I no doubt need sanity breaks. [/QUOTE]
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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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