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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Cindy Marie" data-source="post: 717193" data-attributes="member: 21540"><p>It has been a while since I last posted. Though I have ongoing issues with my back, I have recently endured two new herniated discs and several tears in my lumbar and it has been very debilitating for the last couple of months. I would like to say that my daughter's situation has improved but it has only gotten worse. She managed to "live" with this horrible man and his parents for approximately four months. On August 12th, his stepfather-the one he lives with-contacted my husband for the first time. My daughter-during her here and there stops to our home had mentioned his stepfather wanted our phone numbers to contact us. My husband said that his stepfather asked him if our daughter could come home and did not understand why she was sleeping on a sofa when she had a home and bed for as long as she was staying. My daughter, though again she rarely talks about this situation, had mentioned several times that his father wanted to contact us and told her she might not like everything we say as parents but that she should respect us and that she did need our help as she is young and in college. He continued stating that he and his wife were upset about this car our daughter had gotten under and thought that his son was behind it. I do feel for certain he was as my daughter has no credit and knew she would need a cosigner. My husband told him we had plans of buying her a car around her birthday after she proved herself with her first year of college and first part time job-balancing both. His main concern was that he finally wanted her to leave their house. My husband briefly mentioned how she had lied to us for endless months, cursed, disrespected us, did not want to abide by our rules and how we did not know of his son for many months as she would run out the door and walk down the street or to the park to be picked up by him. My husband never mentioned accepting or supporting this so called relationship. He told his father that in his day, a man came to a girls door and knocked on the door to pick her up... but she of course was hiding this crazy man as she knew from years ago(those who have read my posts from the beginning)--therefore he would not have come to the door but he is the type of man who would not anyways if we had of known. I found out about him after her car purchase within days via social media..It all added up and this is when we made a decision to kick her out..He was somewhat vague and did not go into much detail and did ask my husband along with his wife and myself to dinner to discuss the situation further. Well two days after this call, he called my husband back-the very day of my blessed mother's two year passing. In between these calls, my daughter had texted me stating that she knew she was going to have to come home within the week, the shortly after she stated that, she said the following day and then once again, said asap. Well his mother ironically called her son and told him that he and my daughter were liars, which they are, and that my daughter was ungrateful, and that she was kicking him out... the very day my daughter was moving back home. Well I left out of town with my other daughter that very day as I was visiting my mother's grave. This was the day and second time his stepfather called my husband--but he never mentioned that his wife kicked her son out..when my daughter came home bringing her belongings, she had texted me asking if this man could spend the night and sleep in her room while she slept on the sofa. I knew he was kicked out because she was with me the day she was going back to get her things. Well I told her absolutely no later on after I had left that evening to go out of town. She also asked my husband and he said no as well. She knew we would never allow that. Well she left our home and not sure where she stayed that night but the next day..again on my mother's two year anniversary of her passing--his father called my husband and said to him--I thought you said your daughter could come home--He said "yes I certainly did." But my husband never mentioned that we knew his son was kicked out the same day. Well he proceeded to say well I can not believe you are doing this to your daughter---not letting her come back home--again, my husband said SHE can come home but not your son and I do not accept or support this "relationship." His father did say on the first phone call that his son wanted to move out but never had the money to do so..Coincidentally...where are they now?? Moved out...I saw on her call log as she still has the phone I bought her where she was calling apartments..I ironically guessed which one and asked her where she moved to but she denied it and asked me how I knew. Well I also knew she would want to move close to where we live as she is also familiar with this area and works just down the street and also one that was the cheapest--shy of being in the projects; however, the apartment complex does accept Section 8 housing and has drug issues etc..so not much above the projects...she still works for the same company and did take on a second job but since quit that. She says she is going back to college and actually wanted me to go school shopping today with her -- I am sure so I could buy her things----but I advised her my husband and I had plans. So she said back in May she was getting deeper and deeper---well now look at her!! She said the apartment was $700 and that he was paying $350 but the next day said she was not paying anything.. Just one lie after another.. His father just said he could not afford to live on his own and she herself just said he would pay $350-split in half---so who is paying the other half??? Crazy.. So while her focus should be on College---she is taking on intense adult responsibilities and paying the same debt as this man who does not go to college nor did he or he dropped out after a few classes...but works full time...She is trying to take a part time job and pay this $300 car note and the $300 car insurance that she says he is paying now... just an habitual liar--now half of the rent, power, internet and or cable--she asked me if she could wash her clothes here... I did tell her she could but that he could not---she has not yet brought her clothes over---but not sure if I should even allow her to wash her clothes here.</p><p></p><p> My other daughter came over this past week twice for dinner---well she said I could at least invite her.. well Sunday I did...she said she would come over but when the time came, to no surprise--she did not..I asked her why she did not make it and as usual, she avoided my question and has yet to say. We know why of course. He does not work Sundays. She had the nerve to ask me to meet her at the Pizza place last evening as she wanted Pizza--to go---but suddenly corrected herself and said to see me...I know better...It was almost one month after she started moving back here that I have seen her. Last week was the first time in about a month. The first day was ok..she wrote me a day later saying she missed me...but the second day I saw her it was back to yelling and leaving. I have never felt such heartache in my life. She only went to the counselor once and had told me the counselor did not really help her---not sure if I had mentioned this already...but just prior to her going--she asked me " Can a counselor get fired or in trouble if she tells of her and my daughter's conversation to anyone?' I said absolutely--and I would not think the counselor would risk her job. I knew immediately she was going to talk about this crazy man to the counselor. I told her the counselor had to get to know her and to give the counselor a chance but that I thought it was important to continue going. </p><p></p><p>Well then my daughter tells me about a month or so ago, that this man has a gun now and I asked her where he got it and if he has a concealed permit--she said "NO." She also said she did not know where he got it but it is in his car.</p><p></p><p>But when she is around, you can not ask her anything nor will she speak of him-she becomes very irate if she does or anything remotely mentioned about him or her, she leaves. I have tried to limit myself being around her. Her comeback line is "there isn't anything to talk about and why would she talk about something(him) that I do not care about." I have told her of my concern for her and tried to not mention him and to let her know I am here to talk to if and when she needs to do so. She avoids me when she can such as Sunday and does not text me much but now that I know she has an apartment, she has texted in general a little more.avoiding me I am sure so she would not have to talk about where she is living--but either way will blow my phone up and question me repeated about where I am or where I am going, what I am doing etc.</p><p></p><p>I knew that even if she came back home and I did not get my hopes up, he would still have this hold on her--that is where the car came into play because as long as she has "their" car, she would leave at any given time and with him being "kicked" out I knew he would tell her that his parents let her stay for 4 months and play on her mental once again. Once his parents caught onto them, we knew it was a matter of time before she was out of their home and him too. I feel fairly certain, that his parents as well we do, that this will likely end their bizarre relationship--something will give eventually. She will crumble trying to take this on..but that is what she put herself into...But after what she has put me through and the name calling he has called me and everything else, she and he had the nerve to ask us if he could come into our home. </p><p>It is just an awful mess and I have kept my faith and prayers strong. I am trying to focus on my health and have tried to keep this mess afar the best I can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cindy Marie, post: 717193, member: 21540"] It has been a while since I last posted. Though I have ongoing issues with my back, I have recently endured two new herniated discs and several tears in my lumbar and it has been very debilitating for the last couple of months. I would like to say that my daughter's situation has improved but it has only gotten worse. She managed to "live" with this horrible man and his parents for approximately four months. On August 12th, his stepfather-the one he lives with-contacted my husband for the first time. My daughter-during her here and there stops to our home had mentioned his stepfather wanted our phone numbers to contact us. My husband said that his stepfather asked him if our daughter could come home and did not understand why she was sleeping on a sofa when she had a home and bed for as long as she was staying. My daughter, though again she rarely talks about this situation, had mentioned several times that his father wanted to contact us and told her she might not like everything we say as parents but that she should respect us and that she did need our help as she is young and in college. He continued stating that he and his wife were upset about this car our daughter had gotten under and thought that his son was behind it. I do feel for certain he was as my daughter has no credit and knew she would need a cosigner. My husband told him we had plans of buying her a car around her birthday after she proved herself with her first year of college and first part time job-balancing both. His main concern was that he finally wanted her to leave their house. My husband briefly mentioned how she had lied to us for endless months, cursed, disrespected us, did not want to abide by our rules and how we did not know of his son for many months as she would run out the door and walk down the street or to the park to be picked up by him. My husband never mentioned accepting or supporting this so called relationship. He told his father that in his day, a man came to a girls door and knocked on the door to pick her up... but she of course was hiding this crazy man as she knew from years ago(those who have read my posts from the beginning)--therefore he would not have come to the door but he is the type of man who would not anyways if we had of known. I found out about him after her car purchase within days via social media..It all added up and this is when we made a decision to kick her out..He was somewhat vague and did not go into much detail and did ask my husband along with his wife and myself to dinner to discuss the situation further. Well two days after this call, he called my husband back-the very day of my blessed mother's two year passing. In between these calls, my daughter had texted me stating that she knew she was going to have to come home within the week, the shortly after she stated that, she said the following day and then once again, said asap. Well his mother ironically called her son and told him that he and my daughter were liars, which they are, and that my daughter was ungrateful, and that she was kicking him out... the very day my daughter was moving back home. Well I left out of town with my other daughter that very day as I was visiting my mother's grave. This was the day and second time his stepfather called my husband--but he never mentioned that his wife kicked her son out..when my daughter came home bringing her belongings, she had texted me asking if this man could spend the night and sleep in her room while she slept on the sofa. I knew he was kicked out because she was with me the day she was going back to get her things. Well I told her absolutely no later on after I had left that evening to go out of town. She also asked my husband and he said no as well. She knew we would never allow that. Well she left our home and not sure where she stayed that night but the next day..again on my mother's two year anniversary of her passing--his father called my husband and said to him--I thought you said your daughter could come home--He said "yes I certainly did." But my husband never mentioned that we knew his son was kicked out the same day. Well he proceeded to say well I can not believe you are doing this to your daughter---not letting her come back home--again, my husband said SHE can come home but not your son and I do not accept or support this "relationship." His father did say on the first phone call that his son wanted to move out but never had the money to do so..Coincidentally...where are they now?? Moved out...I saw on her call log as she still has the phone I bought her where she was calling apartments..I ironically guessed which one and asked her where she moved to but she denied it and asked me how I knew. Well I also knew she would want to move close to where we live as she is also familiar with this area and works just down the street and also one that was the cheapest--shy of being in the projects; however, the apartment complex does accept Section 8 housing and has drug issues etc..so not much above the projects...she still works for the same company and did take on a second job but since quit that. She says she is going back to college and actually wanted me to go school shopping today with her -- I am sure so I could buy her things----but I advised her my husband and I had plans. So she said back in May she was getting deeper and deeper---well now look at her!! She said the apartment was $700 and that he was paying $350 but the next day said she was not paying anything.. Just one lie after another.. His father just said he could not afford to live on his own and she herself just said he would pay $350-split in half---so who is paying the other half??? Crazy.. So while her focus should be on College---she is taking on intense adult responsibilities and paying the same debt as this man who does not go to college nor did he or he dropped out after a few classes...but works full time...She is trying to take a part time job and pay this $300 car note and the $300 car insurance that she says he is paying now... just an habitual liar--now half of the rent, power, internet and or cable--she asked me if she could wash her clothes here... I did tell her she could but that he could not---she has not yet brought her clothes over---but not sure if I should even allow her to wash her clothes here. My other daughter came over this past week twice for dinner---well she said I could at least invite her.. well Sunday I did...she said she would come over but when the time came, to no surprise--she did not..I asked her why she did not make it and as usual, she avoided my question and has yet to say. We know why of course. He does not work Sundays. She had the nerve to ask me to meet her at the Pizza place last evening as she wanted Pizza--to go---but suddenly corrected herself and said to see me...I know better...It was almost one month after she started moving back here that I have seen her. Last week was the first time in about a month. The first day was ok..she wrote me a day later saying she missed me...but the second day I saw her it was back to yelling and leaving. I have never felt such heartache in my life. She only went to the counselor once and had told me the counselor did not really help her---not sure if I had mentioned this already...but just prior to her going--she asked me " Can a counselor get fired or in trouble if she tells of her and my daughter's conversation to anyone?' I said absolutely--and I would not think the counselor would risk her job. I knew immediately she was going to talk about this crazy man to the counselor. I told her the counselor had to get to know her and to give the counselor a chance but that I thought it was important to continue going. Well then my daughter tells me about a month or so ago, that this man has a gun now and I asked her where he got it and if he has a concealed permit--she said "NO." She also said she did not know where he got it but it is in his car. But when she is around, you can not ask her anything nor will she speak of him-she becomes very irate if she does or anything remotely mentioned about him or her, she leaves. I have tried to limit myself being around her. Her comeback line is "there isn't anything to talk about and why would she talk about something(him) that I do not care about." I have told her of my concern for her and tried to not mention him and to let her know I am here to talk to if and when she needs to do so. She avoids me when she can such as Sunday and does not text me much but now that I know she has an apartment, she has texted in general a little more.avoiding me I am sure so she would not have to talk about where she is living--but either way will blow my phone up and question me repeated about where I am or where I am going, what I am doing etc. I knew that even if she came back home and I did not get my hopes up, he would still have this hold on her--that is where the car came into play because as long as she has "their" car, she would leave at any given time and with him being "kicked" out I knew he would tell her that his parents let her stay for 4 months and play on her mental once again. Once his parents caught onto them, we knew it was a matter of time before she was out of their home and him too. I feel fairly certain, that his parents as well we do, that this will likely end their bizarre relationship--something will give eventually. She will crumble trying to take this on..but that is what she put herself into...But after what she has put me through and the name calling he has called me and everything else, she and he had the nerve to ask us if he could come into our home. It is just an awful mess and I have kept my faith and prayers strong. I am trying to focus on my health and have tried to keep this mess afar the best I can. [/QUOTE]
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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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