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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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<blockquote data-quote="Cindy Marie" data-source="post: 717320" data-attributes="member: 21540"><p>She was bringing her things back inside to place in her dresser and closet. She still rode around with much of her belongings in her trunk. It was hardly two hours after coming home that she got a call from his mother but missed the call and told me his mother never calls her. Well in the meantime my daughter and the man began texting and talking wondering why his mother called her and she told me she suddenly had to meet him. Well she did and she called me back telling me that his mother had cursed him out, told him my daughter was ungrateful and who knows what else..I mean if she thinks she is ungrateful, then perhaps she knows slightly what I have been through...and that she was kicking him out but them called him back supposedly and told him it was only temporary. Well my daughter had said the night before--this is day that his stepfather called my husband earlier that morning--his stepfather had spoken to both of them apparently late that evening. My daughter said crazy man had left the house and drove off mad. His mother told my daughter she had never seen him like this--angry the stepfather confronted them and said he was mad they did not give my daughter notice--a notice for what?? moving out of their house to come back home....and that he did not want her to be away from him..his parents had always taken away things he loves." and so her and my daughter went driving to look for him. Apparently he was just down the road at a gas station. My daughter told me she told his mother about the gun-not sure if she meant that same night-but that his mother was "shocked." Somehow, I really do not think she was. He found out my daughter told her and was upset. So anyways, when I was leaving to go out of town, my daughter had asked my husband if they could stay the night at our house and then she texted me. I simply responded with a "NO." She replied "whatever."</p><p>So who knows where they stayed that night, but the following day, which was the second contact his stepfather made to my husband, they were back at his house. Well the stepfather called James-my husband-and said " I have your daughter, my son, and my wife here with me and you are on speaker phone." He proceeded to ask my husband again-"Did you not say your daughter could come home?' My husband replied, "Yes, I certainly did, but her coming home does not entail your son coming too." My husband never mentioned that he knew his mother kicked him out. Had I been on the call, I certainly would have said quite a bit more, but my husband then told him.." Let me make myself very clear." Number one-my daughter can come home..Number 2 --I do not accept this relationship and Number 3-I do not support this relationship.." Is there anything here that you do not understand?" His stepfather then started cursing and his wife was telling him to stop and he would yell at her to "shut the hell up." and then asked my husband-" You would do this to your daughter?"-Not letting her come home--He once again said I made myself clear-She can come home and she can come home alone. Well he then hung up on my husband. That same evening, my daughter texted me " I have some stuff at the house I'll get I guess, Assume you are mad at me and lastly " I love you always mom." This very day I am out of town to visit my mother's grave-All of this going on on this very day.</p><p></p><p>It was approximately four days after this ordeal that I saw her looking for apartments on my call log. I mentioned to her and she denied this. Well she avoided me for almost a month after she was attempting to move back here or would ask questions that typically required a yes or no. I knew she would move near us and my husband and I were out about two Sunday's ago, and I told him, I had a strong feeling it would be a certain apartment. The very first time and the very first apartment we rode by--She was walking back towards the apartment building from her car with clothes. She continues asking me how I know which apartment especially with all of the apartments she was calling. I certainly knew it would not be the most expensive one. Where we live or probably like most anywhere, any apartment less than a $1k is considered the projects or not much above them. The reviews are horrible and I had clients when I worked that lived there and I had heard the horrible stories about them from drugs to shootings, and much more. Section 8 housing is allowed there and the children run about the complex beyond dusk. This would have been a place my daughter would have never considered but this no account man could not live on his own according to his father and now miraculously he can. For him, this apartment complex should be right at home and apparently for her too. His father told my husband on the first call, that his son would like to move out but never had the money to do so. If he did, he would not move out when his parents to provide a roof while he buys expensive tires for a fairly inexpensive vehicle that stays in the shop! I continued wondering how long his parents were going to enable them as when I had spoke to his mother on Mother's Day-she said she was going to have her husband call us. Well two months practically went by before my husband finally did receive a call. My daughter said he would ask her for our numbers and she would not reply to him. So I had wondered if perhaps his mother even told his stepfather she had talked to me because I could not understand why we had not heard back from him and for him to ask my daughter when his wife had spoke to me and should have had our number. Perhaps, they were shocked from the betrayal too? But they surely did not continue to let them stay at their house and if his stepfather stated he does not have the money to move out and had previously told my daughter she needed to be home as she needed her parents help while she was in college, then perhaps they are thinking this will eventually end their relationship. </p><p></p><p>My daughter is registered for Fall classes but she quit last semester after she was kicked out and lied to him about being in school--now how does she think she is going to work full time and help support this man-though she told us she was not paying rent--we know better--while taking a full load of courses??</p><p></p><p>Also, I said the same thing about the gun but I am frightened of this man. I would like so much to provide an anonymous tip to the police. I am so afraid for her and us. You are so correct in that I do not have the ability to get her away from this man. Several months ago she randomly wrote me one evening that she wanted to be herself again and live her life how she wants to without being afraid without worrying..how she wants God in her life again and how hard it is to accept when she is living so bad and so fearful of herself and her surroundings and how she does not feel like she can be herself again-that she is sorry she has ruined herself and us and she wishes she could turn back life but she can't and hopes she won't ever get killed ever.."Please help me mom I just want to cry and be in your arms with no worries how life should be..she was not happy especially with herself..this isn't me." She feels like she is controlled and trapped.</p><p></p><p>And though it seems like she is not eager to get out, and yet she has said one lie after another..these words and message she wrote me keep ringing in my head. I do truly feel that she meant this. You can see the unhappiness in her face alone. She has said she has anger in her because she is unhappy. She said she was depressed a couple of weeks ago..and shortly after this message--the one in paragraph above-- a couple of days later, she randomly wrote again that she was afraid and she needed my help and she would get out of it for me- it should be for herself---for me to please tell her how to do it and that she does not enjoy this, she is scared to get out and that she loves me more than life and will do anything for me and how I mean the world to her. She also wrote me in June that she wishes she could talk to me about anything yet when I try to talk she then says she keeps it to herself. I have told her I am always here to talk to and that if she needs help, I will see to it. I was hoping she would have continued with the counselor. I sometimes do not know what to believe but again I do feel this is her true feelings. Women do get out of these situations every day. I have a best friend that married a guy from high school and she knew exactly what he was like, yet married him, has two sons-14 and 8 and to this day tells me awful things he does-he is on drugs, prescribed and some not and she states that it is better to stay in this relationship than to get out--he has hit her, curses her, he is a hunter so he has guns but recently bought a machine gun---for what?? I just can not comprehend it. I just do not know when my daughter will have the strength and gain the mind capacity to reach out to us-if she will. I personally have never been in this situation or ever dated anyone like this. It tears me apart but I know until she reaches out, what can I do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cindy Marie, post: 717320, member: 21540"] She was bringing her things back inside to place in her dresser and closet. She still rode around with much of her belongings in her trunk. It was hardly two hours after coming home that she got a call from his mother but missed the call and told me his mother never calls her. Well in the meantime my daughter and the man began texting and talking wondering why his mother called her and she told me she suddenly had to meet him. Well she did and she called me back telling me that his mother had cursed him out, told him my daughter was ungrateful and who knows what else..I mean if she thinks she is ungrateful, then perhaps she knows slightly what I have been through...and that she was kicking him out but them called him back supposedly and told him it was only temporary. Well my daughter had said the night before--this is day that his stepfather called my husband earlier that morning--his stepfather had spoken to both of them apparently late that evening. My daughter said crazy man had left the house and drove off mad. His mother told my daughter she had never seen him like this--angry the stepfather confronted them and said he was mad they did not give my daughter notice--a notice for what?? moving out of their house to come back home....and that he did not want her to be away from him..his parents had always taken away things he loves." and so her and my daughter went driving to look for him. Apparently he was just down the road at a gas station. My daughter told me she told his mother about the gun-not sure if she meant that same night-but that his mother was "shocked." Somehow, I really do not think she was. He found out my daughter told her and was upset. So anyways, when I was leaving to go out of town, my daughter had asked my husband if they could stay the night at our house and then she texted me. I simply responded with a "NO." She replied "whatever." So who knows where they stayed that night, but the following day, which was the second contact his stepfather made to my husband, they were back at his house. Well the stepfather called James-my husband-and said " I have your daughter, my son, and my wife here with me and you are on speaker phone." He proceeded to ask my husband again-"Did you not say your daughter could come home?' My husband replied, "Yes, I certainly did, but her coming home does not entail your son coming too." My husband never mentioned that he knew his mother kicked him out. Had I been on the call, I certainly would have said quite a bit more, but my husband then told him.." Let me make myself very clear." Number one-my daughter can come home..Number 2 --I do not accept this relationship and Number 3-I do not support this relationship.." Is there anything here that you do not understand?" His stepfather then started cursing and his wife was telling him to stop and he would yell at her to "shut the hell up." and then asked my husband-" You would do this to your daughter?"-Not letting her come home--He once again said I made myself clear-She can come home and she can come home alone. Well he then hung up on my husband. That same evening, my daughter texted me " I have some stuff at the house I'll get I guess, Assume you are mad at me and lastly " I love you always mom." This very day I am out of town to visit my mother's grave-All of this going on on this very day. It was approximately four days after this ordeal that I saw her looking for apartments on my call log. I mentioned to her and she denied this. Well she avoided me for almost a month after she was attempting to move back here or would ask questions that typically required a yes or no. I knew she would move near us and my husband and I were out about two Sunday's ago, and I told him, I had a strong feeling it would be a certain apartment. The very first time and the very first apartment we rode by--She was walking back towards the apartment building from her car with clothes. She continues asking me how I know which apartment especially with all of the apartments she was calling. I certainly knew it would not be the most expensive one. Where we live or probably like most anywhere, any apartment less than a $1k is considered the projects or not much above them. The reviews are horrible and I had clients when I worked that lived there and I had heard the horrible stories about them from drugs to shootings, and much more. Section 8 housing is allowed there and the children run about the complex beyond dusk. This would have been a place my daughter would have never considered but this no account man could not live on his own according to his father and now miraculously he can. For him, this apartment complex should be right at home and apparently for her too. His father told my husband on the first call, that his son would like to move out but never had the money to do so. If he did, he would not move out when his parents to provide a roof while he buys expensive tires for a fairly inexpensive vehicle that stays in the shop! I continued wondering how long his parents were going to enable them as when I had spoke to his mother on Mother's Day-she said she was going to have her husband call us. Well two months practically went by before my husband finally did receive a call. My daughter said he would ask her for our numbers and she would not reply to him. So I had wondered if perhaps his mother even told his stepfather she had talked to me because I could not understand why we had not heard back from him and for him to ask my daughter when his wife had spoke to me and should have had our number. Perhaps, they were shocked from the betrayal too? But they surely did not continue to let them stay at their house and if his stepfather stated he does not have the money to move out and had previously told my daughter she needed to be home as she needed her parents help while she was in college, then perhaps they are thinking this will eventually end their relationship. My daughter is registered for Fall classes but she quit last semester after she was kicked out and lied to him about being in school--now how does she think she is going to work full time and help support this man-though she told us she was not paying rent--we know better--while taking a full load of courses?? Also, I said the same thing about the gun but I am frightened of this man. I would like so much to provide an anonymous tip to the police. I am so afraid for her and us. You are so correct in that I do not have the ability to get her away from this man. Several months ago she randomly wrote me one evening that she wanted to be herself again and live her life how she wants to without being afraid without worrying..how she wants God in her life again and how hard it is to accept when she is living so bad and so fearful of herself and her surroundings and how she does not feel like she can be herself again-that she is sorry she has ruined herself and us and she wishes she could turn back life but she can't and hopes she won't ever get killed ever.."Please help me mom I just want to cry and be in your arms with no worries how life should be..she was not happy especially with herself..this isn't me." She feels like she is controlled and trapped. And though it seems like she is not eager to get out, and yet she has said one lie after another..these words and message she wrote me keep ringing in my head. I do truly feel that she meant this. You can see the unhappiness in her face alone. She has said she has anger in her because she is unhappy. She said she was depressed a couple of weeks ago..and shortly after this message--the one in paragraph above-- a couple of days later, she randomly wrote again that she was afraid and she needed my help and she would get out of it for me- it should be for herself---for me to please tell her how to do it and that she does not enjoy this, she is scared to get out and that she loves me more than life and will do anything for me and how I mean the world to her. She also wrote me in June that she wishes she could talk to me about anything yet when I try to talk she then says she keeps it to herself. I have told her I am always here to talk to and that if she needs help, I will see to it. I was hoping she would have continued with the counselor. I sometimes do not know what to believe but again I do feel this is her true feelings. Women do get out of these situations every day. I have a best friend that married a guy from high school and she knew exactly what he was like, yet married him, has two sons-14 and 8 and to this day tells me awful things he does-he is on drugs, prescribed and some not and she states that it is better to stay in this relationship than to get out--he has hit her, curses her, he is a hunter so he has guns but recently bought a machine gun---for what?? I just can not comprehend it. I just do not know when my daughter will have the strength and gain the mind capacity to reach out to us-if she will. I personally have never been in this situation or ever dated anyone like this. It tears me apart but I know until she reaches out, what can I do. [/QUOTE]
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Now that I kicked my 18 year old daughter out, where do I go from here?
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