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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 713779" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>I am in complete agreement with New Leaf. I had a difficult time finding my way as a young adult (truthfully, I was over 40 by the time I flew out of the nest for good, as in paying every penny of my own bills including car insurance, cell phone, etc) - but the difference between me at that age, and your son, is that I always appreciated the help I received and fulfilled my obligations by working, attending school and contributing to the household. I never disrespected my mother (dad had died by the time I moved back in with her "officially"). </p><p></p><p>My mother's willingness to allow me to live with her during my middle thirties, is the reason I earned a Master's Degree and work in a field i love today. Actually, I moved in with her because after years of her "helping" me by providing me with cash and paying my bills when I could not, my conscience got the better of me. I just couldn't continue to take advantage of her. Most of what she earned at her job went to my upkeep and at a certain point I decided that wasn't right. Yes, I said "I" because my mother is codependent and would have given me every penny she earned if I demanded it. I was the one who stopped the merry go round because I could no longer look at myself in the mirror.</p><p></p><p>Her providing room and board was in exchange for me earning that advanced degree and getting on my feet for good so I would be able to work and take care of myself. I give my mother all the credit in the world as well as all the thanks and love. But I digress. It does give me a certain perspective though....</p><p></p><p>Your son is taking advantage of you. Plain and simple. I would bet he has other issues that go far beyond his transgender identity (I am a lesbian by the way). I would bet he is banking on his trans identity to curry favor or sympathy with you and your husband. He is a legal adult and it's time he lived in the real world. </p><p></p><p>I would start small. You have reason to believe your son is responsible for damaging your husband's work van. So call the police and file a report and name your son as the guilty party. They will inspect the damage and issue him a citation if they agree. Then he'll have a ticket to deal with. That's life!</p><p></p><p>If you are unwilling to kick him to the curb just yet, as with the minor children we discuss on this board, you aren't under any obligation to make his time under your roof sunshine and roses if he hasn't earned that privilege. If he can't pay the bills for his phone and etc., off goes the service. That's life! If he can't afford the gas, perhaps he needs to sell his vehicle. That too is life!</p><p></p><p>Let us know how it goes, we are here for you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 713779, member: 13303"] I am in complete agreement with New Leaf. I had a difficult time finding my way as a young adult (truthfully, I was over 40 by the time I flew out of the nest for good, as in paying every penny of my own bills including car insurance, cell phone, etc) - but the difference between me at that age, and your son, is that I always appreciated the help I received and fulfilled my obligations by working, attending school and contributing to the household. I never disrespected my mother (dad had died by the time I moved back in with her "officially"). My mother's willingness to allow me to live with her during my middle thirties, is the reason I earned a Master's Degree and work in a field i love today. Actually, I moved in with her because after years of her "helping" me by providing me with cash and paying my bills when I could not, my conscience got the better of me. I just couldn't continue to take advantage of her. Most of what she earned at her job went to my upkeep and at a certain point I decided that wasn't right. Yes, I said "I" because my mother is codependent and would have given me every penny she earned if I demanded it. I was the one who stopped the merry go round because I could no longer look at myself in the mirror. Her providing room and board was in exchange for me earning that advanced degree and getting on my feet for good so I would be able to work and take care of myself. I give my mother all the credit in the world as well as all the thanks and love. But I digress. It does give me a certain perspective though.... Your son is taking advantage of you. Plain and simple. I would bet he has other issues that go far beyond his transgender identity (I am a lesbian by the way). I would bet he is banking on his trans identity to curry favor or sympathy with you and your husband. He is a legal adult and it's time he lived in the real world. I would start small. You have reason to believe your son is responsible for damaging your husband's work van. So call the police and file a report and name your son as the guilty party. They will inspect the damage and issue him a citation if they agree. Then he'll have a ticket to deal with. That's life! If you are unwilling to kick him to the curb just yet, as with the minor children we discuss on this board, you aren't under any obligation to make his time under your roof sunshine and roses if he hasn't earned that privilege. If he can't pay the bills for his phone and etc., off goes the service. That's life! If he can't afford the gas, perhaps he needs to sell his vehicle. That too is life! Let us know how it goes, we are here for you! [/QUOTE]
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