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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764020" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello overit</p><p></p><p>We all know what compelled you to involve your son in your business even though you knew his history was problematic and compromised. We, all of us, have been there.</p><p></p><p>So, where do we go from here?</p><p></p><p>I agree with New Leaf, that the crux of the power and the responsibility is in you. I don't know if it is a good or bad thing that the clients who were stolen from are being so caring and trying to bend over backwards to think of your son as having problems beyond pure thievery, but the thing is, where and how does this stop?</p><p></p><p>There are two sets of problems here, as I see it.</p><p></p><p>One, is to recognize and to respond to your son, as he really is, and in terms of what he really needs. What he DOES NOT NEED (from my way of thinking) is more trying on your part to give him opportunities and chances.</p><p></p><p>Two, we can't alter our children's behavior and choices, but we can protect ourselves, and no longer enable them.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to figure things out here. A crime has been committed by your son against these clients, however because he was acting within the business the business is responsible. So that means you. So that means, your son really stole from the business. The question is, what to do? You don't tell us how large a sum is involved. And I am understanding your son and your grandchild live with you.</p><p></p><p>You have decisions to make. First, there is whether or not to file charges. Second, will your son continue to work in the business? Third, will he and his son continue to live with you? *Upon re-reading, I see that he doesn't live with you. Whew. One less problem.</p><p></p><p>The thing is you are victims of a crime. And this may be a felony crime, depending upon how large a sum this is. That this is serious, I don't need to tell you.</p><p></p><p>Have you or your husband spoken to your son? Do you think your son has a serious mental illness? Are there addictions involved? Spree behavior? The thing is, all of this is your son's business. A lot of people choose to not deal responsibly with their issues. My son, included.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line, you knew your son had an ongoing and longstanding propensity to steal, and knowing that you allowed him to be in a situation where he could re-victimize you and steal from your clients. There is no judgement here, but there is responsibility on your part.</p><p></p><p>I know you wanted to help him and give him a chance. But the reality is the best predictor of what anybody is going to do, how they will act, is how they have acted before. (As New Leaf so eloquently tells us.) <em>Unless they decide to change</em>. And deciding to change requires commitment, action, and consistency.</p><p></p><p>In your son's case, the trying and commitment and action have come from YOU and YOUR HUSBAND, not your son. This is what has to change.</p><p></p><p>You have a crisis situation here, but after that is dealt with the <em>important changing</em> must come from you and your husband, as New Leaf writes.</p><p></p><p>I know the pain. My son is 34 years old too. He has a whole other set of problems, but I have been through similar.</p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting. There are people here on this forum who will help you figure this out, step by step. Welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764020, member: 18958"] Hello overit We all know what compelled you to involve your son in your business even though you knew his history was problematic and compromised. We, all of us, have been there. So, where do we go from here? I agree with New Leaf, that the crux of the power and the responsibility is in you. I don't know if it is a good or bad thing that the clients who were stolen from are being so caring and trying to bend over backwards to think of your son as having problems beyond pure thievery, but the thing is, where and how does this stop? There are two sets of problems here, as I see it. One, is to recognize and to respond to your son, as he really is, and in terms of what he really needs. What he DOES NOT NEED (from my way of thinking) is more trying on your part to give him opportunities and chances. Two, we can't alter our children's behavior and choices, but we can protect ourselves, and no longer enable them. I am trying to figure things out here. A crime has been committed by your son against these clients, however because he was acting within the business the business is responsible. So that means you. So that means, your son really stole from the business. The question is, what to do? You don't tell us how large a sum is involved. And I am understanding your son and your grandchild live with you. You have decisions to make. First, there is whether or not to file charges. Second, will your son continue to work in the business? Third, will he and his son continue to live with you? *Upon re-reading, I see that he doesn't live with you. Whew. One less problem. The thing is you are victims of a crime. And this may be a felony crime, depending upon how large a sum this is. That this is serious, I don't need to tell you. Have you or your husband spoken to your son? Do you think your son has a serious mental illness? Are there addictions involved? Spree behavior? The thing is, all of this is your son's business. A lot of people choose to not deal responsibly with their issues. My son, included. Bottom line, you knew your son had an ongoing and longstanding propensity to steal, and knowing that you allowed him to be in a situation where he could re-victimize you and steal from your clients. There is no judgement here, but there is responsibility on your part. I know you wanted to help him and give him a chance. But the reality is the best predictor of what anybody is going to do, how they will act, is how they have acted before. (As New Leaf so eloquently tells us.) [I]Unless they decide to change[/I]. And deciding to change requires commitment, action, and consistency. In your son's case, the trying and commitment and action have come from YOU and YOUR HUSBAND, not your son. This is what has to change. You have a crisis situation here, but after that is dealt with the [I]important changing[/I] must come from you and your husband, as New Leaf writes. I know the pain. My son is 34 years old too. He has a whole other set of problems, but I have been through similar. I hope you keep posting. There are people here on this forum who will help you figure this out, step by step. Welcome. [/QUOTE]
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