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Substance Abuse
Offered addiction study to D, 20...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743750" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>"<em>he was staying out for the night We told him if he did then he should plan to leave our home tomorrow</em>" Caretoomuch. I lifted this from an earlier thread of yours. This was when he was picked up by the police and you were called. His response to you was pretty much...<em>who cares what you say</em>....I am wondering if the message that he is getting is that he can play you and do what ever he want....and you won't follow through with threats.</p><p></p><p>He is very clearly telling you this:<em> I will live my life how I want and nothing you say or do will stop me.</em> He might pay lip service to your demands, in order to get short-term needs met, but he has no commitment to what you want for him.<em> He is not buying what you are selling.</em> This is the writing on the wall.</p><p></p><p>If you decide to push the program you might put it to him this way: <em>The marijuana is your choice. I get it. I hear you that you do not want to stop the marijuana. I accept this. But I will not accept marijuana in my home or your living here while you use marijuana. You can choose. You can leave now (decide how long you'll give him but don't give him too long) and make your own way. Or you can enroll in the program for help in quitting and getting on with your life. Your choice. Let me know tomorrow what you decide so we can make plans either way.</em></p><p></p><p>The thing is that adult children do get on with their lives. I see looking back that I encouraged dependency. By using my support as a means to influence and pressure him to live in the way that I thought was better. I could not bear that my son be homeless and I was afraid. I see now that I did not protect him and I did not protect myself. It only got worse.</p><p></p><p>There are worse things than pot and even homelessness. Dependency is worse, if you are an able-minded person. I am thinking seriously about whether or not what I did was encourage dependency in my son. If I did, I made a big mistake.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743750, member: 18958"] "[I]he was staying out for the night We told him if he did then he should plan to leave our home tomorrow[/I]" Caretoomuch. I lifted this from an earlier thread of yours. This was when he was picked up by the police and you were called. His response to you was pretty much...[I]who cares what you say[/I]....I am wondering if the message that he is getting is that he can play you and do what ever he want....and you won't follow through with threats. He is very clearly telling you this:[I] I will live my life how I want and nothing you say or do will stop me.[/I] He might pay lip service to your demands, in order to get short-term needs met, but he has no commitment to what you want for him.[I] He is not buying what you are selling.[/I] This is the writing on the wall. If you decide to push the program you might put it to him this way: [I]The marijuana is your choice. I get it. I hear you that you do not want to stop the marijuana. I accept this. But I will not accept marijuana in my home or your living here while you use marijuana. You can choose. You can leave now (decide how long you'll give him but don't give him too long) and make your own way. Or you can enroll in the program for help in quitting and getting on with your life. Your choice. Let me know tomorrow what you decide so we can make plans either way.[/I] The thing is that adult children do get on with their lives. I see looking back that I encouraged dependency. By using my support as a means to influence and pressure him to live in the way that I thought was better. I could not bear that my son be homeless and I was afraid. I see now that I did not protect him and I did not protect myself. It only got worse. There are worse things than pot and even homelessness. Dependency is worse, if you are an able-minded person. I am thinking seriously about whether or not what I did was encourage dependency in my son. If I did, I made a big mistake. [/QUOTE]
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