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Sig,  I  too have been in your shoes.  I am so sorry that your son is lying and manipulating you and your husband this way.  In my experience giving them the benifit of the doubt always backfires when they are using.  So all you can do now is learn from this and move on.  Get your husband onboard and do not let difficult child divide and conquer.  difficult children are very good at that.  in my opinion, It is time for you to cut him off completely.  It is so hard on us emotionally when we are trying to protect our difficult child's from themselves and all they do is rebel and use our good intentions for their own agenda.