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OMG, his plan is to return here...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657677" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This kid is good. Our son was like this. (I am very certain that was just a little slip, when he did those bad things. Otherwise? He is just perfect. I remember those beautiful eyes, so swollen when he was born and then, when they changed color and became those beautiful eyes he had that time he was in Little League....) That is how my mind works, blackgnat. That is why it is so hard to be who I need to be, to deal with my addicted or ill child. I am at a serious disadvantage. Thinking the way I do, <em>thinking the way all the moms whose children are not addicted or ill get to do every day of their lives and I don't, </em>is where I fall into the ugliness of enabling. And I can't even see it when it happens to me, blackgnat. I slip into mother heart without even knowing I am there. That is why I had to post that picture of those soldiers next to the phone. So I could remember where my son should be at his age.</p><p></p><p>At his age.</p><p></p><p>A bearded male with a male's voice and musculature, now.</p><p></p><p>Our son says things like: "How are you? And I say this or that. Then, he says: "I have no food. I have no money to pay rent when you could have bought me that duplex I wanted all those years ago and instead, I don't even have my own house that I own. I don't even have a decent car. That is the difference between us, Cedar. (He calls me by my first name.) You get to choose a car and a color and what you want in it. I don't even get to choose a color because I am poor, and I suffer and you have everything you need and I don't even have a vehicle to drive to work in and that's why I don't work enough to pay for myself. Welcome to my world, Cedar."</p><p></p><p>And it is that conversation, every time, about every smallest thing.</p><p></p><p>And I can't keep it straight, about the baby and little boy and oh, man, how cool it was to see him turning into a man when he was freshly into adolescence and the bearded male with the man's voice and musculature with whom I am having a conversation about every single thing he does not have and I do.</p><p></p><p>So, that is what is happening.</p><p></p><p>What I did was turn things around. I began saying I wanted him to visit, that I could not wait until he was able to come home for a visit on his own dime like a man, like the man </p><p>D H and I had raised him to be and not to live with us, ever again.</p><p></p><p>Stuff like that. And I say those things not to instruct him, but to protect me from my own mother heart.</p><p></p><p>Because I do not want to enable.</p><p></p><p>I want him to be strong, and to stand up. And if that means he hates me, despises me even...I will just stand there, standing up, for that, too.</p><p></p><p>ouch</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Better to know.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>No visit. Not for 24 to 36 hours, and not even for ten minutes. He knows you love him.</p><p></p><p>And he knows how to use that against you.</p><p></p><p>Hard stuff, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>You have all of us now. That is not a big thing, but it is a thing that can help you see how to do this thing we have all had to learn how to do.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Blatant manipulation.</p><p></p><p>You responded out of shock, out of the FOG he determinedly put you in.</p><p></p><p>ouch</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Translation: I need to know if this is the correct manipulation or if I will need to get meaner to get you to do what I told you to. Stop playing games, <em>bad words, bad, terrible concepts of terrible things he could accuse you of being. </em>And he will do that, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>Even that part about medications.</p><p></p><p>A strike at the heart. A strike at the hope you hold in the heart of you, that the right medication will help him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And the thunder of sweet music becomes overwhelming. But then, what is that chord of dissonance, that weird music getting louder, more savage.</p><p></p><p>What? I thought I was hearing music but there is something off key, off balance happening, but...</p><p></p><p>The mother falls. Massive trunk; in full, healthy leaf, the oak begins to fall and fall and fall, down to the ground.</p><p></p><p>And what could possibly save her, now.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't know. You can say, "I don't know. I love you. I want you to stand up. I want to see the man your father and I raised you to be and that is all I know."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, that's a win for you, then. The mask came off; the manipulation didn't work.</p><p></p><p>Great job, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657677, member: 17461"] This kid is good. Our son was like this. (I am very certain that was just a little slip, when he did those bad things. Otherwise? He is just perfect. I remember those beautiful eyes, so swollen when he was born and then, when they changed color and became those beautiful eyes he had that time he was in Little League....) That is how my mind works, blackgnat. That is why it is so hard to be who I need to be, to deal with my addicted or ill child. I am at a serious disadvantage. Thinking the way I do, [I]thinking the way all the moms whose children are not addicted or ill get to do every day of their lives and I don't, [/I]is where I fall into the ugliness of enabling. And I can't even see it when it happens to me, blackgnat. I slip into mother heart without even knowing I am there. That is why I had to post that picture of those soldiers next to the phone. So I could remember where my son should be at his age. At his age. A bearded male with a male's voice and musculature, now. Our son says things like: "How are you? And I say this or that. Then, he says: "I have no food. I have no money to pay rent when you could have bought me that duplex I wanted all those years ago and instead, I don't even have my own house that I own. I don't even have a decent car. That is the difference between us, Cedar. (He calls me by my first name.) You get to choose a car and a color and what you want in it. I don't even get to choose a color because I am poor, and I suffer and you have everything you need and I don't even have a vehicle to drive to work in and that's why I don't work enough to pay for myself. Welcome to my world, Cedar." And it is that conversation, every time, about every smallest thing. And I can't keep it straight, about the baby and little boy and oh, man, how cool it was to see him turning into a man when he was freshly into adolescence and the bearded male with the man's voice and musculature with whom I am having a conversation about every single thing he does not have and I do. So, that is what is happening. What I did was turn things around. I began saying I wanted him to visit, that I could not wait until he was able to come home for a visit on his own dime like a man, like the man D H and I had raised him to be and not to live with us, ever again. Stuff like that. And I say those things not to instruct him, but to protect me from my own mother heart. Because I do not want to enable. I want him to be strong, and to stand up. And if that means he hates me, despises me even...I will just stand there, standing up, for that, too. ouch It is what it is. Better to know. I'm sorry, blackgnat. No visit. Not for 24 to 36 hours, and not even for ten minutes. He knows you love him. And he knows how to use that against you. Hard stuff, blackgnat. You have all of us now. That is not a big thing, but it is a thing that can help you see how to do this thing we have all had to learn how to do. Blatant manipulation. You responded out of shock, out of the FOG he determinedly put you in. ouch Translation: I need to know if this is the correct manipulation or if I will need to get meaner to get you to do what I told you to. Stop playing games, [I]bad words, bad, terrible concepts of terrible things he could accuse you of being. [/I]And he will do that, blackgnat. Even that part about medications. A strike at the heart. A strike at the hope you hold in the heart of you, that the right medication will help him. And the thunder of sweet music becomes overwhelming. But then, what is that chord of dissonance, that weird music getting louder, more savage. What? I thought I was hearing music but there is something off key, off balance happening, but... The mother falls. Massive trunk; in full, healthy leaf, the oak begins to fall and fall and fall, down to the ground. And what could possibly save her, now. I don't know. You can say, "I don't know. I love you. I want you to stand up. I want to see the man your father and I raised you to be and that is all I know." Well, that's a win for you, then. The mask came off; the manipulation didn't work. Great job, blackgnat. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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OMG, his plan is to return here...
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