Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
OMG, his plan is to return here...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657741" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think some part of you wanted us to know your situation so we can advise you correctly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It was exactly the right thing to do, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>It took courage to admit these things, first to yourself, and then, to us.</p><p></p><p>Good, good job.</p><p></p><p>Now, we are making progress. It will come by leaps and bounds now blackgnat, and I am so happy for you that this is so.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Until we can figure out why we do what we do with our kids, it is very hard to change what we do. Like me blackgnat, you have seen yourself through the eyes of your abuser. There is a core of terror at the center of you that will not allow you to acknowledge your situation because you are your abuser's mother. It's my situation in reverse. In a sane world, we mothers are responsible sources of comfort and we know just the right things to say and do to help, and to comfort, our children. As regards your son, there is no comfort you ~ or anyone else ~ can offer. </p><p></p><p>You lived; somehow, the last time this happened, you lived. You are being put into the powerless position of watching it come round again.</p><p></p><p>We are right here. </p><p></p><p>And that is small comfort but it is enough. See with clarity, blackgnat. Refuse compassion just for now, just for this time when clarity of vision is crucial. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are being retraumatized, blackgnat. That is why you cannot think; that is why you cannot see. Child of Mine is correct: Post traumatic stress, every hit blasting through you, distant past, recent past, and future</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Paranoid/schizophrenia in an uncle. You did not fail your son, blackgnat. His genetic heritage did. <em>And you can not change that for him. </em> </p><p></p><p>Posting as you have was exactly the right thing to do. <em>It indicates a determination to heal.</em> </p><p></p><p>And we are right here, and we get it.</p><p></p><p>You are being retraumatized over and over again, past and present and future all a horrible whirl, a nightmare kaliedescope.</p><p></p><p>Here is something beautiful:</p><p></p><p><em>Seboulisa, mother goddess with one breast</em></p><p><em>eaten away by worms of sorrow and loss</em></p><p><em>See me, now.</em></p><p><em>Your severed daughter</em></p><p><em>laughing our name into echo all the world shall remember.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Monique Wittig</em></p><p><em>Politics of Women's Spirituality ~ Spretnak</em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's going to be alright, blackgnat; it is coming to its conclusion, now. Like Dorothy, you are on the road to Oz. Soon you will see that the Wizard is a fraud.</p><p></p><p>Then you will be able to choose another way to go.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>And he is letting you know he is good and mad.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You didn't do anything wrong, blackgnat. It's genetically mandated, what is happening to your son. He is irresponsible in using any mind altering substance not prescribed by a psychiatrist who knows how his body processes the medications prescribed.</p><p></p><p>It is your son's irresponsibility regarding alcohol and street drugs ~ to you and to himself ~ that is exacerbating his genetic abnormality. Your brother did not have access to the more refined psychiatric medications available today.</p><p></p><p>Your son does.</p><p></p><p>He chooses this reality for you and for himself, .</p><p></p><p><em>Because he is making a choice blackgnat, you are free. </em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Choice, blackgnat. Your son chooses.</p><p></p><p>You pay.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am sorry blackgnat, but I think this is not true.</p><p></p><p>Difficult Child plays the games he plays until he plays a different game.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. And in Difficult Child heart, there is a burning resentment ripening.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>One of my children grew up as your Easy Child did. </p><p></p><p>You know the rest of my family's story.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I overheard our daughter on the phone once, threatening to kill me to protect her friends if I knew enough about what they had done that night to be a danger to them by revealing what I knew to the police. (I had picked her up from the police station. She had been released into my custody. She kicked and pounded the dashboard with her feet and screamed the most horrible things the second we were out of the police station and moving down the street. I stopped the car. Told her to get out, and that I would return to the police station and tell them what had happened when we left that safe haven, if she did. Or she could come home with me. She stopped. When we got home, she roared up to her room and called her criminal and very scary "friends".) D H was working shifts that night. I had daughter come to sleep in my bed. It was a water bed. If she got up, I would know.</p><p></p><p>We did have a gun.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's the essential conflict between the mothers we are, between the heart decent person you are, and the reality of who it is our children turn out to be. A disconnect happens because we cannot believe that what we are thinking could possibly be correct. We end up questioning ourselves: "What kind of person thinks like this?"</p><p></p><p>How many times have I posted that very question right here on this site regarding my family of origin and regarding my own children, too.</p><p></p><p>The good thing here is that you posted, blackgnat. Now you have something to validate reality with. In sharing the horror of it, you are hearing our stories in return. This means you are not the only one. You can feel for us, for our situations, the horror and compassion you cannot feel for yourself.</p><p></p><p>That is how it happens for me, too.</p><p></p><p>How doesn't matter. Clarity of vision. That matters.</p><p></p><p>We are right here, blackgnat. We have been where you are.</p><p></p><p>It takes strength and courage to decide to confront traumatic events. You are confronting trauma on many levels, and it feels overwhelming, like you are lost somewhere where nothing makes sense.</p><p></p><p>You are living in the rabbit hole, blackgnat. The very rabbit hole Albatross posted about for us.</p><p></p><p>And for you, the Red Queen is on her way. </p><p></p><p>I am making it through, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>So are you. <em>We are so fortunate to have one another and this site.</em></p><p></p><p>Now, we can do this thing we could not do, before.</p><p></p><p>And when we are through it? Then we can help someone else see what is with clarity, so she can recognize and rely on, her own strength. At the end of the day, we are alone with it. But that is a very different thing, once we know where we are, once we make the decision to defend ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Once we decide to live, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>You lived. Life is precious. </p><p></p><p>You know that, now.</p><p></p><p>Good, good job.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657741, member: 17461"] I think some part of you wanted us to know your situation so we can advise you correctly. It was exactly the right thing to do, blackgnat. It took courage to admit these things, first to yourself, and then, to us. Good, good job. Now, we are making progress. It will come by leaps and bounds now blackgnat, and I am so happy for you that this is so. *** Until we can figure out why we do what we do with our kids, it is very hard to change what we do. Like me blackgnat, you have seen yourself through the eyes of your abuser. There is a core of terror at the center of you that will not allow you to acknowledge your situation because you are your abuser's mother. It's my situation in reverse. In a sane world, we mothers are responsible sources of comfort and we know just the right things to say and do to help, and to comfort, our children. As regards your son, there is no comfort you ~ or anyone else ~ can offer. You lived; somehow, the last time this happened, you lived. You are being put into the powerless position of watching it come round again. We are right here. And that is small comfort but it is enough. See with clarity, blackgnat. Refuse compassion just for now, just for this time when clarity of vision is crucial. You are being retraumatized, blackgnat. That is why you cannot think; that is why you cannot see. Child of Mine is correct: Post traumatic stress, every hit blasting through you, distant past, recent past, and future *** Paranoid/schizophrenia in an uncle. You did not fail your son, blackgnat. His genetic heritage did. [I]And you can not change that for him. [/I] Posting as you have was exactly the right thing to do. [I]It indicates a determination to heal.[/I] And we are right here, and we get it. You are being retraumatized over and over again, past and present and future all a horrible whirl, a nightmare kaliedescope. Here is something beautiful: [I]Seboulisa, mother goddess with one breast eaten away by worms of sorrow and loss See me, now. Your severed daughter laughing our name into echo all the world shall remember.[/I] [I]Monique Wittig[/I] [I]Politics of Women's Spirituality ~ Spretnak[/I] It's going to be alright, blackgnat; it is coming to its conclusion, now. Like Dorothy, you are on the road to Oz. Soon you will see that the Wizard is a fraud. Then you will be able to choose another way to go. Yes. And he is letting you know he is good and mad. You didn't do anything wrong, blackgnat. It's genetically mandated, what is happening to your son. He is irresponsible in using any mind altering substance not prescribed by a psychiatrist who knows how his body processes the medications prescribed. It is your son's irresponsibility regarding alcohol and street drugs ~ to you and to himself ~ that is exacerbating his genetic abnormality. Your brother did not have access to the more refined psychiatric medications available today. Your son does. He chooses this reality for you and for himself, . [I]Because he is making a choice blackgnat, you are free. [/I] Choice, blackgnat. Your son chooses. You pay. I am sorry blackgnat, but I think this is not true. Difficult Child plays the games he plays until he plays a different game. Yes. And in Difficult Child heart, there is a burning resentment ripening. One of my children grew up as your Easy Child did. You know the rest of my family's story. :O) I overheard our daughter on the phone once, threatening to kill me to protect her friends if I knew enough about what they had done that night to be a danger to them by revealing what I knew to the police. (I had picked her up from the police station. She had been released into my custody. She kicked and pounded the dashboard with her feet and screamed the most horrible things the second we were out of the police station and moving down the street. I stopped the car. Told her to get out, and that I would return to the police station and tell them what had happened when we left that safe haven, if she did. Or she could come home with me. She stopped. When we got home, she roared up to her room and called her criminal and very scary "friends".) D H was working shifts that night. I had daughter come to sleep in my bed. It was a water bed. If she got up, I would know. We did have a gun. It's the essential conflict between the mothers we are, between the heart decent person you are, and the reality of who it is our children turn out to be. A disconnect happens because we cannot believe that what we are thinking could possibly be correct. We end up questioning ourselves: "What kind of person thinks like this?" How many times have I posted that very question right here on this site regarding my family of origin and regarding my own children, too. The good thing here is that you posted, blackgnat. Now you have something to validate reality with. In sharing the horror of it, you are hearing our stories in return. This means you are not the only one. You can feel for us, for our situations, the horror and compassion you cannot feel for yourself. That is how it happens for me, too. How doesn't matter. Clarity of vision. That matters. We are right here, blackgnat. We have been where you are. It takes strength and courage to decide to confront traumatic events. You are confronting trauma on many levels, and it feels overwhelming, like you are lost somewhere where nothing makes sense. You are living in the rabbit hole, blackgnat. The very rabbit hole Albatross posted about for us. And for you, the Red Queen is on her way. I am making it through, blackgnat. So are you. [I]We are so fortunate to have one another and this site.[/I] Now, we can do this thing we could not do, before. And when we are through it? Then we can help someone else see what is with clarity, so she can recognize and rely on, her own strength. At the end of the day, we are alone with it. But that is a very different thing, once we know where we are, once we make the decision to defend ourselves. Once we decide to live, blackgnat. You lived. Life is precious. You know that, now. Good, good job. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
OMG, his plan is to return here...
Top