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OMG, his plan is to return here...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657857" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes. Horse testicles. On three levels, as I see it.</p><p></p><p>The shame of knowing the exgf's mother will know if you don't do what he says. Compounded by the slimy little game he is playing <em>with and through exgf's mom</em> about how nice and forlorn and sorry and loving a guy he is. And how lonely and bereft and now look, his mom is turning away from him again and is there something, any smallest something, like calling you again, <em>like breaking through those very boundaries it is killing you to set up and stick to, </em>that she could do for him. Plus, she knows now that you, heartless mother of a so sadly misunderstood child, may not put money on his jail account.</p><p></p><p>So she will.</p><p></p><p>If he cannot get to you, he knows precisely, with exquisite aim and timing, how to get to her.</p><p></p><p>Well, that was more than three levels. It was like, six levels or something. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If you had all the money in the world blackgnat, and a chauffeur -driven limousine, you still need not to drive this very dangerous son that you love anywhere, let alone anywhere near where you live.</p><p></p><p>You have been very strong, blackgnat. I love the way you are standing up to him. It must be hard for you. I wish it could be easier. But each time you do it, it will be easier to say no the next time. One day, you will be able to just say no and not even think about all the reasons you said no.</p><p></p><p>One day?</p><p></p><p>I will be that mom, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Are you able to be gone from where you live now, without breathing so much as a whisper about it to anyone who could tell Difficult Child you are moving ~ could you do it in nine days, blackgnat?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>She is beginning to be afraid too, blackgnat. Remember when we posted about praying that she does not know what you know? It will be very hard for her, to know that true thing. After our daughter was beat? One of the barriers to my capacity to put myself back together was stumbling over my own, heart deep, rock bottom belief that people can change. That we can learn, and choose, and do better.</p><p></p><p>That was a very hard thing for me.</p><p></p><p>You are doing so well, blackgnat. Man, when I think how you have changed everything about how you are able to see this grown man / child / grown man with a man's voice and beard and musculature. You are doing the right thing for him, blackgnat. If he is ever going to turn himself around (and he may not) requiring that he make his own way in the world is a beginning point for him.</p><p></p><p>That is true.</p><p></p><p>I think that is true. It helped my children stand up, when I stopped being even a person who would empathize. Our son called yesterday. He completed a job, and the person not only squeezed every penny he could out of the bid price, but is now refusing to pay the bid price. In the past, I would have commiserated. Yesterday, I told our son the person was doing what he was supposed to do ~ getting the most bang for the buck. That my son is a person selling a valuable service that his customers believe he can provide better than the competition. Nothing to do with loyalty. There was a contract involved. As the bid price changed, so did the terms of the contract but in the end, the price finally agreed upon barely covered the cost of material.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, by the end of the conversation, my son got all abrupt and had to go.</p><p></p><p>Which usually means I am not providing what he was looking for. He has either given up trying to get that thing that he wanted, or he is actually thinking maybe I made a valid point. And I don't know which, and I have to let go of whether my input was valid or not. I am just his mother. I don't know. There are lots of things I don't know.</p><p></p><p>And that is okay.</p><p></p><p>But I had to think about what I was doing, the words I was using, the whole time.</p><p></p><p>I think I did good.</p><p> </p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657857, member: 17461"] Yes. Horse testicles. On three levels, as I see it. The shame of knowing the exgf's mother will know if you don't do what he says. Compounded by the slimy little game he is playing [I]with and through exgf's mom[/I] about how nice and forlorn and sorry and loving a guy he is. And how lonely and bereft and now look, his mom is turning away from him again and is there something, any smallest something, like calling you again, [I]like breaking through those very boundaries it is killing you to set up and stick to, [/I]that she could do for him. Plus, she knows now that you, heartless mother of a so sadly misunderstood child, may not put money on his jail account. So she will. If he cannot get to you, he knows precisely, with exquisite aim and timing, how to get to her. Well, that was more than three levels. It was like, six levels or something. If you had all the money in the world blackgnat, and a chauffeur -driven limousine, you still need not to drive this very dangerous son that you love anywhere, let alone anywhere near where you live. You have been very strong, blackgnat. I love the way you are standing up to him. It must be hard for you. I wish it could be easier. But each time you do it, it will be easier to say no the next time. One day, you will be able to just say no and not even think about all the reasons you said no. One day? I will be that mom, too. Are you able to be gone from where you live now, without breathing so much as a whisper about it to anyone who could tell Difficult Child you are moving ~ could you do it in nine days, blackgnat? She is beginning to be afraid too, blackgnat. Remember when we posted about praying that she does not know what you know? It will be very hard for her, to know that true thing. After our daughter was beat? One of the barriers to my capacity to put myself back together was stumbling over my own, heart deep, rock bottom belief that people can change. That we can learn, and choose, and do better. That was a very hard thing for me. You are doing so well, blackgnat. Man, when I think how you have changed everything about how you are able to see this grown man / child / grown man with a man's voice and beard and musculature. You are doing the right thing for him, blackgnat. If he is ever going to turn himself around (and he may not) requiring that he make his own way in the world is a beginning point for him. That is true. I think that is true. It helped my children stand up, when I stopped being even a person who would empathize. Our son called yesterday. He completed a job, and the person not only squeezed every penny he could out of the bid price, but is now refusing to pay the bid price. In the past, I would have commiserated. Yesterday, I told our son the person was doing what he was supposed to do ~ getting the most bang for the buck. That my son is a person selling a valuable service that his customers believe he can provide better than the competition. Nothing to do with loyalty. There was a contract involved. As the bid price changed, so did the terms of the contract but in the end, the price finally agreed upon barely covered the cost of material. Anyway, by the end of the conversation, my son got all abrupt and had to go. Which usually means I am not providing what he was looking for. He has either given up trying to get that thing that he wanted, or he is actually thinking maybe I made a valid point. And I don't know which, and I have to let go of whether my input was valid or not. I am just his mother. I don't know. There are lots of things I don't know. And that is okay. But I had to think about what I was doing, the words I was using, the whole time. I think I did good. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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