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Substance Abuse
One step forward, two steps back
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709585" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Albatross. I am trying to find a place (to wit, my new thread on PE)) to stand with my own son and I am identifying with RN and her husband.</p><p></p><p>Their support seems to have had a demonstrable part in son's finding work and a life far away. At the same time it may have enabled him to feel the autonomy and comfort and security to indulge his drug. He is living really standing on their shoulders. Through their support he does not have to find his own bottom.</p><p></p><p>I totally, totally understand why RN and her husband would be horrified at the idea of letting go.</p><p></p><p>I did it, and it did not help my son stabilize himself. He got worse. And then he showed up at my door. He has improved in a limited way with our support. But to a point.</p><p></p><p>The fact that he is doing somewhat better in our universe, makes me terrified and despondent about pushing him away again. (My son is mentally ill and has an illness-everybody knows that.)</p><p></p><p>My support is the only leverage I have. But when I seek to withdraw it, the person most negatively affected is me. I guess I am struggling still to understand detachment. I feel like the blind men with the elephant. Is that the parable? I keep grabbing the tail, then the ear, then the trunk, but missing the body of it.</p><p></p><p>I do so much identify with RN. But then too, my son uses marijuana, which I guess is different. Although it consumes money and motivation, it is not life threatening to the extreme. Nor is it illegal anymore in my state.</p><p></p><p>Just so lost here. I feel I am the one who is taking one step forward, and two back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709585, member: 18958"] Albatross. I am trying to find a place (to wit, my new thread on PE)) to stand with my own son and I am identifying with RN and her husband. Their support seems to have had a demonstrable part in son's finding work and a life far away. At the same time it may have enabled him to feel the autonomy and comfort and security to indulge his drug. He is living really standing on their shoulders. Through their support he does not have to find his own bottom. I totally, totally understand why RN and her husband would be horrified at the idea of letting go. I did it, and it did not help my son stabilize himself. He got worse. And then he showed up at my door. He has improved in a limited way with our support. But to a point. The fact that he is doing somewhat better in our universe, makes me terrified and despondent about pushing him away again. (My son is mentally ill and has an illness-everybody knows that.) My support is the only leverage I have. But when I seek to withdraw it, the person most negatively affected is me. I guess I am struggling still to understand detachment. I feel like the blind men with the elephant. Is that the parable? I keep grabbing the tail, then the ear, then the trunk, but missing the body of it. I do so much identify with RN. But then too, my son uses marijuana, which I guess is different. Although it consumes money and motivation, it is not life threatening to the extreme. Nor is it illegal anymore in my state. Just so lost here. I feel I am the one who is taking one step forward, and two back. [/QUOTE]
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