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Parent Emeritus
One Year Later-lots has happened, nothing has changed, at the end of my rope
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 631842" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Wow, Scott. welcome back. I am so sorry things have gotten so bad. I understand the devastation a difficult child does to a marriage, to a relationship.</p><p></p><p>What is so unfortunate about your story is that your wife sounds completely enmeshed with your son and has absolutely no willingness to help herself or disengage from your son. To make our happiness about what another is doing or not doing is a recipe for depression. I hope your discussion with your wife works out well, however, (sorry to be a downer) from what you've told us, it doesn't sound promising. I hope I'm wrong.</p><p></p><p>Without some kind of professional counseling to disconnect from the enmeshment your wife seems to have with your son along with her refusal to get help for her depression, it sounds to me like once you have turned over all the rocks you must..........then detachment from not only your son, but your wife sounds as if it may be the path to take. What a crummy deal, I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>You've tried and tried and tried Scott, you certainly couldn't be accused of throwing in the towel without any thought............perhaps the very real act of leaving will wake your wife up, or not. But, my feelings are that you are on the right track, it is a very lonely track, but at least you will be being true to yourself. In the final analysis, that is the most important factor.</p><p></p><p>difficult child's have the capacity to ruin lives. Ours. Like you, I got to a point where I simply refused to allow my daughter to continue to ruin my life. Your wife has a choice and so do you. If I were in your shoes, I would be thinking along the same lines. Life is short. Your son is a grown man ruining his life, his mothers and his fathers. Don't let him do it anymore. If you have to leave, then leave, that is the choice I would make too in your shoes.</p><p></p><p>I support whatever decision you feel you must make Scott. Sending good thoughts. Take care of YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 631842, member: 13542"] Wow, Scott. welcome back. I am so sorry things have gotten so bad. I understand the devastation a difficult child does to a marriage, to a relationship. What is so unfortunate about your story is that your wife sounds completely enmeshed with your son and has absolutely no willingness to help herself or disengage from your son. To make our happiness about what another is doing or not doing is a recipe for depression. I hope your discussion with your wife works out well, however, (sorry to be a downer) from what you've told us, it doesn't sound promising. I hope I'm wrong. Without some kind of professional counseling to disconnect from the enmeshment your wife seems to have with your son along with her refusal to get help for her depression, it sounds to me like once you have turned over all the rocks you must..........then detachment from not only your son, but your wife sounds as if it may be the path to take. What a crummy deal, I am so sorry. You've tried and tried and tried Scott, you certainly couldn't be accused of throwing in the towel without any thought............perhaps the very real act of leaving will wake your wife up, or not. But, my feelings are that you are on the right track, it is a very lonely track, but at least you will be being true to yourself. In the final analysis, that is the most important factor. difficult child's have the capacity to ruin lives. Ours. Like you, I got to a point where I simply refused to allow my daughter to continue to ruin my life. Your wife has a choice and so do you. If I were in your shoes, I would be thinking along the same lines. Life is short. Your son is a grown man ruining his life, his mothers and his fathers. Don't let him do it anymore. If you have to leave, then leave, that is the choice I would make too in your shoes. I support whatever decision you feel you must make Scott. Sending good thoughts. Take care of YOU. [/QUOTE]
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One Year Later-lots has happened, nothing has changed, at the end of my rope
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