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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 759963" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>NewStart, again I am sorry for what you put up with from your daughter. Now I hope I done offend you...that is not my intent AT ALL....but....I think your life would be a lot more serene if you just let things like your almost 40 year old daughters credit card bills go. If I got a call from Kay's doctor asking if I was her wife I have learned not to snoop (yes, I used to) and I just woould have told the truth and let Kay deal with it.</p><p></p><p>Ignorance is bliss and you really in my opinion might be better off to maybe not keep trying to see what your daughter is up to or if she's lying to you. It doesn't change anything for her and it just makes you feel badly. Trust me, Kay is a big liar too. I get it.</p><p></p><p>At 39 your daughter probably needs to go to the doctor without you. She alone needs to sort out her medical problems, right?? I haven't gone to a doctor with even Kay or any of my.kids since they have been 18. They don't want or need me there and medical appointments in my opinion are not our business. It really is something parents usually do with young kids. Do yourself a favor and don't go. Your life would perhaps be happier if you focused more on you and less on trying to control your daughter's boyfriend or credit cards or to find out whether or not she.lies. if she is like Kay, I never trust what Kay says. Its my default response to anything Kay says.</p><p></p><p>I no longer know what Kay is doing. And to be blunt....what she does and how she lives and her lack of honesty drives me nuts. Sometimes I want to strangle her....not really but I get that frustrated so I try not to know what she does. It hurts me to know and does not help her either. You might want to practice detachment for your own sake.</p><p></p><p>Having a relationship with your daughter, and I know and support that you want one, means that she will be who she is and that if you accept her rather than trying to change her YOU will be more at peace. And it's you I am concerned about. It's pointless for your mental health to keep wishing she would dump the dork, manage her money better, respect you more, be a better person....she is not going to change unless she wants to. Acceptance is a big relief. Have you heard of Radical Acceptance? Great book called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can solve this in a way that gives you peace. Perhaps try to stay out of her drama. See how you feel backing off from getting too involved in her stuff. You can always go back to the way it is now but in my opinion it's good to try new ways.</p><p></p><p>"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity."</p><p></p><p>I also love the Serenity Prayer:</p><p>God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I CAN NOT CHANGE,</p><p>The COURAGE to change the things I can (like ourselves)</p><p>And the WISDOM to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>I again did not mean to offend. I just saw myself from ten years ago. Take anything you like but most certainly leave the rest. Sending prayers and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 759963, member: 23706"] NewStart, again I am sorry for what you put up with from your daughter. Now I hope I done offend you...that is not my intent AT ALL....but....I think your life would be a lot more serene if you just let things like your almost 40 year old daughters credit card bills go. If I got a call from Kay's doctor asking if I was her wife I have learned not to snoop (yes, I used to) and I just woould have told the truth and let Kay deal with it. Ignorance is bliss and you really in my opinion might be better off to maybe not keep trying to see what your daughter is up to or if she's lying to you. It doesn't change anything for her and it just makes you feel badly. Trust me, Kay is a big liar too. I get it. At 39 your daughter probably needs to go to the doctor without you. She alone needs to sort out her medical problems, right?? I haven't gone to a doctor with even Kay or any of my.kids since they have been 18. They don't want or need me there and medical appointments in my opinion are not our business. It really is something parents usually do with young kids. Do yourself a favor and don't go. Your life would perhaps be happier if you focused more on you and less on trying to control your daughter's boyfriend or credit cards or to find out whether or not she.lies. if she is like Kay, I never trust what Kay says. Its my default response to anything Kay says. I no longer know what Kay is doing. And to be blunt....what she does and how she lives and her lack of honesty drives me nuts. Sometimes I want to strangle her....not really but I get that frustrated so I try not to know what she does. It hurts me to know and does not help her either. You might want to practice detachment for your own sake. Having a relationship with your daughter, and I know and support that you want one, means that she will be who she is and that if you accept her rather than trying to change her YOU will be more at peace. And it's you I am concerned about. It's pointless for your mental health to keep wishing she would dump the dork, manage her money better, respect you more, be a better person....she is not going to change unless she wants to. Acceptance is a big relief. Have you heard of Radical Acceptance? Great book called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I hope you can solve this in a way that gives you peace. Perhaps try to stay out of her drama. See how you feel backing off from getting too involved in her stuff. You can always go back to the way it is now but in my opinion it's good to try new ways. "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity." I also love the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I CAN NOT CHANGE, The COURAGE to change the things I can (like ourselves) And the WISDOM to know the difference. I again did not mean to offend. I just saw myself from ten years ago. Take anything you like but most certainly leave the rest. Sending prayers and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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