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opinions about no contact?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746930" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is what my son does. His predilection is to just show up at the door. I have told him if he does this again I will call the cops (again.) I will not have more than phone/text context with him if it is 100 percent his needs, terms. And 0 mine. My health cannot handle it.</p><p></p><p>My son has been sleeping in a truck for 7 months a few hours from me. He has not managed to meet me in several attempts I have made where I traveled by train. He will no longer have available the truck to sleep after Friday. I found that out yesterday. He wants to come back. So I am dealing with the same thing as you.</p><p> No. In theory it does not have to be all or none. It can be negotiated.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is this: some of our kids insist that it be 100 percent their needs, their terms and zero, ours. How do you endure this, if you are the person who is able to have zero input? In this case, who is the person who has decided upon the onerous terms? Us or them?</p><p></p><p>I really do not see the parents here imposing impossible conditions. I see them trying to live with impossible terms. It's like our children have become loan sharks, and they are charging 100 percent interest a year, because they know they can. And then when we show any weakness at all, they foreclose. Which it seems Albatross' husband fears.</p><p></p><p>What kind of relationship is it when we fear our kids are willing to throw us overboard if we seek to protect ourselves even 5 percent, let alone 50 percent?</p><p></p><p>My son is angry at his friend because the friend grew tired of my son sleeping in his truck--for seven months. This sounds like a person (my son) without a clue about reciprocity or self-responsibility.</p><p></p><p>And still, I am thinking of letting him back. Why? Because like you, and like Albatross' husband, I cannot bear the alternative. Although I know that this is the wrong thing to. I cannot bear not staying in the game. I am unsure if it is because my son is ill, or I cannot face what he has become. I fear if the music stops I will have to face it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746930, member: 18958"] This is what my son does. His predilection is to just show up at the door. I have told him if he does this again I will call the cops (again.) I will not have more than phone/text context with him if it is 100 percent his needs, terms. And 0 mine. My health cannot handle it. My son has been sleeping in a truck for 7 months a few hours from me. He has not managed to meet me in several attempts I have made where I traveled by train. He will no longer have available the truck to sleep after Friday. I found that out yesterday. He wants to come back. So I am dealing with the same thing as you. No. In theory it does not have to be all or none. It can be negotiated. But the thing is this: some of our kids insist that it be 100 percent their needs, their terms and zero, ours. How do you endure this, if you are the person who is able to have zero input? In this case, who is the person who has decided upon the onerous terms? Us or them? I really do not see the parents here imposing impossible conditions. I see them trying to live with impossible terms. It's like our children have become loan sharks, and they are charging 100 percent interest a year, because they know they can. And then when we show any weakness at all, they foreclose. Which it seems Albatross' husband fears. What kind of relationship is it when we fear our kids are willing to throw us overboard if we seek to protect ourselves even 5 percent, let alone 50 percent? My son is angry at his friend because the friend grew tired of my son sleeping in his truck--for seven months. This sounds like a person (my son) without a clue about reciprocity or self-responsibility. And still, I am thinking of letting him back. Why? Because like you, and like Albatross' husband, I cannot bear the alternative. Although I know that this is the wrong thing to. I cannot bear not staying in the game. I am unsure if it is because my son is ill, or I cannot face what he has become. I fear if the music stops I will have to face it. [/QUOTE]
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