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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 747085" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Leafy, it is simple isn't it? In theory, I got it, it was in practice that I wavered for so long. I didn't know how to set boundaries, I honestly believed that a GOOD mom, a GOOD person behaves in a certain way, which at that time, for me, was to give in to those I loved, to override my boundaries and my intuition and my experience .......and cave. I was locked in to that pattern of responding. I thought that was loving. Not caving took me some time to negotiate through, it triggered my "perfect" mother sense of myself and my beliefs about what a 'good' person is. It took me some time to let go of that old persona and adopt a new one which was good at boundaries and honoring myself. As Brene' says <em>"I'm not as sweet as I used to be, but I'm far more loving."</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I'm also more "present" with my daughter and actually everyone now......with boundaries intact, it's provided a sense of empowerment, steadfastness and acceptance which makes it easier to stand strong in my stance and at the same time, be present for what the 'other' is experiencing and still stay in my own center. I didn't know how to do any of this before my daughter went off the rails. It's changed my life across the board, every relationship has either improved or gone by the wayside. Setting boundaries has changed my life in only healthy and positive ways.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 747085, member: 13542"] Leafy, it is simple isn't it? In theory, I got it, it was in practice that I wavered for so long. I didn't know how to set boundaries, I honestly believed that a GOOD mom, a GOOD person behaves in a certain way, which at that time, for me, was to give in to those I loved, to override my boundaries and my intuition and my experience .......and cave. I was locked in to that pattern of responding. I thought that was loving. Not caving took me some time to negotiate through, it triggered my "perfect" mother sense of myself and my beliefs about what a 'good' person is. It took me some time to let go of that old persona and adopt a new one which was good at boundaries and honoring myself. As Brene' says [I]"I'm not as sweet as I used to be, but I'm far more loving." [/I] I'm also more "present" with my daughter and actually everyone now......with boundaries intact, it's provided a sense of empowerment, steadfastness and acceptance which makes it easier to stand strong in my stance and at the same time, be present for what the 'other' is experiencing and still stay in my own center. I didn't know how to do any of this before my daughter went off the rails. It's changed my life across the board, every relationship has either improved or gone by the wayside. Setting boundaries has changed my life in only healthy and positive ways. [/QUOTE]
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