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opinions about no contact?
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<blockquote data-quote="overcome mom" data-source="post: 747093" data-attributes="member: 23328"><p>Acacia- I too am struggling with how much contact to have with my son. I have been cutting back contact slowly and it has helped a lot. For me that met not texting /calling but once a week, turning the ringer off on my phone ,not answering his calls if I felt I was not emotionally ready to deal with the new trauma, and most importantly for me, not asking questions about his current situation. If I know any details I would start to worry. I could see the writing on the wall as to what bad thing would happen next or I would try to help him problem solve, both made me feel anxious depressed.</p><p>I am still very much an enabler with him but I do think I am getting better. For me, right now, it would make me feel worse emotionally if I don't help him some. I do realize that this behavior is not helping him change. To be honest I really don't know if he has the capacity to change some of his behaviors. I do think that he could stop using drugs but he has some major personality problems that may never change. He has had the same problems since he was little. My prayer for him is that he can get to the point he can make a living and have at least one positive relationship. Both have eluded him for his whole life. I think we all have to go at our own pace- them and us.</p><p>I know I have PTSD from all I have been through with him. I realized that fully when I was walking outside on night in the summer and a smell cause the anxiety to rise in me.It brought back the many nights I was out searching for him when he had runaway and I had no idea where he was. </p><p>It is good to hear everyone's similar struggles, I don't think that it is in a mothers make up to back off, we are fighters and for most of us that means doing something not ,not doing something. It reminds me of when I was doing bio feed back to help learn relaxation techniques, I kept trying to relax and to relax you need to stop trying and just be and then the relaxation comes. I am trying to just be with my son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="overcome mom, post: 747093, member: 23328"] Acacia- I too am struggling with how much contact to have with my son. I have been cutting back contact slowly and it has helped a lot. For me that met not texting /calling but once a week, turning the ringer off on my phone ,not answering his calls if I felt I was not emotionally ready to deal with the new trauma, and most importantly for me, not asking questions about his current situation. If I know any details I would start to worry. I could see the writing on the wall as to what bad thing would happen next or I would try to help him problem solve, both made me feel anxious depressed. I am still very much an enabler with him but I do think I am getting better. For me, right now, it would make me feel worse emotionally if I don't help him some. I do realize that this behavior is not helping him change. To be honest I really don't know if he has the capacity to change some of his behaviors. I do think that he could stop using drugs but he has some major personality problems that may never change. He has had the same problems since he was little. My prayer for him is that he can get to the point he can make a living and have at least one positive relationship. Both have eluded him for his whole life. I think we all have to go at our own pace- them and us. I know I have PTSD from all I have been through with him. I realized that fully when I was walking outside on night in the summer and a smell cause the anxiety to rise in me.It brought back the many nights I was out searching for him when he had runaway and I had no idea where he was. It is good to hear everyone's similar struggles, I don't think that it is in a mothers make up to back off, we are fighters and for most of us that means doing something not ,not doing something. It reminds me of when I was doing bio feed back to help learn relaxation techniques, I kept trying to relax and to relax you need to stop trying and just be and then the relaxation comes. I am trying to just be with my son. [/QUOTE]
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