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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 738536" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>KSM, your situation is exactly where we believe things will end up no matter what we do - with very little (if anything) changed for the better, and the estrangement between W and her children even more intractable.</p><p></p><p>People don't change - F will not stop being a weak, codependent enabler. If anything, W taking some kind of (what would be perceived as) aggressive action would only drive F further into victim mode, which would drive YS away from W even more so than is already the case. DS is cold-hearted and doesn't care about others' feelings, including F - he just wants to get his way and have no responsibilities - but YS and F are very enmeshed. YS acts as F's protector.</p><p></p><p>Courts seem quite willing to overlook neglectful parenting and even illegal situations occurring in a home with minors. The one scenario that does seem to get their attention is anything of a sexual nature. That isn't a factor in this case.</p><p></p><p>Also, it's not like DS and YS are smoking crack or shooting heroin. Marijuana is more and more considered to be "no big deal" - seemingly even to the authorities. Maybe I'm just a fuddy-duddy. I don't get it. To me, illegal is illegal. But I know that this view is not in the majority these days.</p><p></p><p>So many of our kids are pot smokers, aren't they? Much more so than problem drinkers it seems.</p><p></p><p>At any rate thanks for the replies and I'll continue reading in this thread. The sad reality is, there's likely nothing that can be done to change the environment that DS and YS live in. But one must try for our own conscience if no other reason. I tend to agree that letting the therapist take the bullet, so to speak, might be the "safer" choice, but if that happens and F/YS know about it, YS will likely quit therapy.</p><p></p><p>What can we do? Let go - let God - and be happy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 738536, member: 13303"] KSM, your situation is exactly where we believe things will end up no matter what we do - with very little (if anything) changed for the better, and the estrangement between W and her children even more intractable. People don't change - F will not stop being a weak, codependent enabler. If anything, W taking some kind of (what would be perceived as) aggressive action would only drive F further into victim mode, which would drive YS away from W even more so than is already the case. DS is cold-hearted and doesn't care about others' feelings, including F - he just wants to get his way and have no responsibilities - but YS and F are very enmeshed. YS acts as F's protector. Courts seem quite willing to overlook neglectful parenting and even illegal situations occurring in a home with minors. The one scenario that does seem to get their attention is anything of a sexual nature. That isn't a factor in this case. Also, it's not like DS and YS are smoking crack or shooting heroin. Marijuana is more and more considered to be "no big deal" - seemingly even to the authorities. Maybe I'm just a fuddy-duddy. I don't get it. To me, illegal is illegal. But I know that this view is not in the majority these days. So many of our kids are pot smokers, aren't they? Much more so than problem drinkers it seems. At any rate thanks for the replies and I'll continue reading in this thread. The sad reality is, there's likely nothing that can be done to change the environment that DS and YS live in. But one must try for our own conscience if no other reason. I tend to agree that letting the therapist take the bullet, so to speak, might be the "safer" choice, but if that happens and F/YS know about it, YS will likely quit therapy. What can we do? Let go - let God - and be happy. [/QUOTE]
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