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Family of Origin
Other people who are shunned and how it makes me feel
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677375" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You are talking about shunning here, New Leaf. Why people go along with others among them being shunned, when they could oppose it?</p><p></p><p>The most basic answer is that there is something basic in us that differentiates between self and other and us and them. It is a survival instinct, I think. Because if we were confused about it, we would be killed at the most extreme. We need to be able to recognize who is in her group. Look at a small child who suddenly looks up in panic and realizes that her people have moved along...and she does not recognize the faces around her. You can say it is fear of abandonment, but there is also the even more primitive fear of being lost, separated from one's own. Those like me. Because for a small child the only way she knows who she is, is by who owns her. Who she belongs to.</p><p></p><p>So I think that until we reach a certain age of independence, we need to belong, and we follow the lead of those who define this for us.</p><p></p><p>Many adults never go further than this. They stay like children, following what elders or leaders say about who is in and who is out. Need I go further than Donald Trump? (Nothing political here.) </p><p></p><p>For people that chose to think for themselves, I think you will find more discernment about going along with norms. Although not always. I think the pull to belong is very, very strong. People, most people, will do what it takes to keep in good stead with their group. It is a very fearsome thing to be thrown out of your social group. In traditional societies it is the loss of most everything. That is why they call it social death. </p><p></p><p>I was thinking at the beginning of this post about prisoners. In prisons there are extremely rigid rules about racial belonging. Whites, blacks, natives, latinos, and asians stay segregated in their own group. They cannot sit next to, eat next to or otherwise affiliate with others outside their racial groups, without risking extreme censure by their group. Those who are mixed race must choose a side. Those in mixed race relationships, with mixed race children, too must pick a side. Anybody that bucks the system will be beat or killed. </p><p></p><p>I think it is not about racism. I think it is about order, and the ability to impose and enforce order. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677375, member: 18958"] You are talking about shunning here, New Leaf. Why people go along with others among them being shunned, when they could oppose it? The most basic answer is that there is something basic in us that differentiates between self and other and us and them. It is a survival instinct, I think. Because if we were confused about it, we would be killed at the most extreme. We need to be able to recognize who is in her group. Look at a small child who suddenly looks up in panic and realizes that her people have moved along...and she does not recognize the faces around her. You can say it is fear of abandonment, but there is also the even more primitive fear of being lost, separated from one's own. Those like me. Because for a small child the only way she knows who she is, is by who owns her. Who she belongs to. So I think that until we reach a certain age of independence, we need to belong, and we follow the lead of those who define this for us. Many adults never go further than this. They stay like children, following what elders or leaders say about who is in and who is out. Need I go further than Donald Trump? (Nothing political here.) For people that chose to think for themselves, I think you will find more discernment about going along with norms. Although not always. I think the pull to belong is very, very strong. People, most people, will do what it takes to keep in good stead with their group. It is a very fearsome thing to be thrown out of your social group. In traditional societies it is the loss of most everything. That is why they call it social death. I was thinking at the beginning of this post about prisoners. In prisons there are extremely rigid rules about racial belonging. Whites, blacks, natives, latinos, and asians stay segregated in their own group. They cannot sit next to, eat next to or otherwise affiliate with others outside their racial groups, without risking extreme censure by their group. Those who are mixed race must choose a side. Those in mixed race relationships, with mixed race children, too must pick a side. Anybody that bucks the system will be beat or killed. I think it is not about racism. I think it is about order, and the ability to impose and enforce order. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Other people who are shunned and how it makes me feel
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