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Out of control Asperger Bipolar 17 year old...
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<blockquote data-quote="Winnielg" data-source="post: 584498" data-attributes="member: 16059"><p>Thank you everyone for your words and welcome. </p><p>Buddy - I totally agree with the 'selfish reasons' - it is comforting to know we are not the only ones dealing with these issues. It is just the norm of our lives, but when I talk to others about it, I know it must seem so far out there to them. </p><p></p><p>JKF - thank you - I am so sorry for what you are going thru - I read the other posts about your son coming back to NJ. My heart goes out to you. I feel like we are heading in your direction - but only time will tell.</p><p></p><p>Midwest - Regarding the medication - when G was in elementary school docs wanted to talk about medications and we refused. Then when he was in middle school and begun to be violent the same docs and others refused to consider medications. After several Mobile Crisis calls with police and local intervention, one social worker from a disability based school who had seen Graham on these crisis calls more than once, was at our house and said "how is G not on medication?" I remember feeling so dejected as we had been trying for two years to have someone pay attention and give us some help. He referred us to a doctor and at the beginning of 9th grade G started Abilify. This SAVED our lives. I do not believe he would be living with us, not in a residential facility or in jail without it. We went thru a variety of other medications until we were on a stable combination up through last spring. But several things always seem to happen. First, sometimes it seems like G's behavior is cyclical - the worst of the worst always being in the Spring. Second - he always seems to adapt to the medications. They work great for awhile and he plateaus - then their effectiveness begins to diminish. </p><p></p><p>Before G assaulted me last year I had promised my husband that the next time I would press charges - as at this point we think that to G meaningful life-altering consequences are just not truly understand. Once when hit hit me, he told me "Everyone gets hit in America - you deserved it for turning off my internet access". But as I stated - I decided to go another route - with the advice of the psychologist who had done G's most recent full assessment. I think the trip to the adolescent residential treatment facility shook G up. Of course he was beginning to identify with the victim's in his groups and the teams and we (his parents) made sure he understand he was NOT the victim, but the perp, so to speak. Everything to G is how he has been wronged by everyone. He spends so much time deflecting responsibility that he has made it an art. I think he rarely lets himself feel bad because then he would really have to look at his actions and behavior, take some responsibility and work on himself. </p><p></p><p>But I digress - the folks at the facility were very firm on G also being bipolar - which really did make a lot of sense to us. So in short - I feel like if he was not medicated, life would be even scarier and I am not sure where he would be at this point. </p><p></p><p>Interesting though with the deflection of responsibility that ends up turning into G shifting and recreating reality to suit his purposes. Last week during our most recent crisis, G said he must need more medication. Our response was - you are heavily medicated now and because of that you were able to turn the rage off after the incident after a few minutes. In the past you would have railed for hours or days. YOU need to work on the reason for the rages. Medication cannot fix everything - it is only a tool to help you. </p><p> </p><p>We have been saying to him for over a year that we can only put all of the supports in place for him - but only he can accept them and work towards getting better. You can lead a horse to water.....</p><p></p><p>And for the record I think psychiatrists are a mean to the end - getting the medications. We have yet to see one that ever addresses the root issue. We now see a spectrum disorder guy as a family that has been very beneficial for all of us. But G also goes to an individual therapist and sees a social worker at school a few times a week. We are very open with all of the above on our daily issues.</p><p></p><p>In other news, tomorrow is what my husband and I are considering D-Day. It is our weekly Steve (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) specialist) appointment. In this appointment/safe zone we will be telling G the plan:</p><p>A) Any other incidents between now and Easter, when he goes to IN to see his bio mom, he will stay there (he has lived with me and his dad in NY full time since age 6 as she could never handle him) </p><p>B) If he can keep the menacing, rage and violence together and follow the house rules - he can stay until the end of June when school is over - not sure if he will graduate - pretty 50/50 right now</p><p>C) Come July 1st - he is moving out. I have worked on setting up services for the past 18 months that hopefully will enable G to live in an apartment with a case coordinator in the area</p><p>D) if he does not get the services or if the services will not commence on July 1st - he will be moving to IN temporarily or permanently (depending on services)</p><p></p><p>Of course I am sure G does not think any of this is going to happen. I am sure he thinks he will go on living with us and treating us as he has always done, maybe take a class at community college, sit around un-showered perusing the internet and facebook and writing his music that no one will ever hear. He is a very talented composer of classical music and a violinist.</p><p></p><p>I still do not know how I feel about all of this. Last week's incident was different for some reason - a line was crossed that never has been and now I am afraid of him everyday - which breaks my heart. I love him so much but just do not know how to help him anymore. My husband is less forgiving - I think the line was crossed for him a few incidents ago and he is in such pain over all of this. He said (not for the first time) last week that he worries every night on the way home from work - when he rounds the corner he always expects the police with be there and that one day I might be dead. So for that reason alone, I am willing to try it his way this time.</p><p></p><p>Thank you - another LONG post!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Winnielg, post: 584498, member: 16059"] Thank you everyone for your words and welcome. Buddy - I totally agree with the 'selfish reasons' - it is comforting to know we are not the only ones dealing with these issues. It is just the norm of our lives, but when I talk to others about it, I know it must seem so far out there to them. JKF - thank you - I am so sorry for what you are going thru - I read the other posts about your son coming back to NJ. My heart goes out to you. I feel like we are heading in your direction - but only time will tell. Midwest - Regarding the medication - when G was in elementary school docs wanted to talk about medications and we refused. Then when he was in middle school and begun to be violent the same docs and others refused to consider medications. After several Mobile Crisis calls with police and local intervention, one social worker from a disability based school who had seen Graham on these crisis calls more than once, was at our house and said "how is G not on medication?" I remember feeling so dejected as we had been trying for two years to have someone pay attention and give us some help. He referred us to a doctor and at the beginning of 9th grade G started Abilify. This SAVED our lives. I do not believe he would be living with us, not in a residential facility or in jail without it. We went thru a variety of other medications until we were on a stable combination up through last spring. But several things always seem to happen. First, sometimes it seems like G's behavior is cyclical - the worst of the worst always being in the Spring. Second - he always seems to adapt to the medications. They work great for awhile and he plateaus - then their effectiveness begins to diminish. Before G assaulted me last year I had promised my husband that the next time I would press charges - as at this point we think that to G meaningful life-altering consequences are just not truly understand. Once when hit hit me, he told me "Everyone gets hit in America - you deserved it for turning off my internet access". But as I stated - I decided to go another route - with the advice of the psychologist who had done G's most recent full assessment. I think the trip to the adolescent residential treatment facility shook G up. Of course he was beginning to identify with the victim's in his groups and the teams and we (his parents) made sure he understand he was NOT the victim, but the perp, so to speak. Everything to G is how he has been wronged by everyone. He spends so much time deflecting responsibility that he has made it an art. I think he rarely lets himself feel bad because then he would really have to look at his actions and behavior, take some responsibility and work on himself. But I digress - the folks at the facility were very firm on G also being bipolar - which really did make a lot of sense to us. So in short - I feel like if he was not medicated, life would be even scarier and I am not sure where he would be at this point. Interesting though with the deflection of responsibility that ends up turning into G shifting and recreating reality to suit his purposes. Last week during our most recent crisis, G said he must need more medication. Our response was - you are heavily medicated now and because of that you were able to turn the rage off after the incident after a few minutes. In the past you would have railed for hours or days. YOU need to work on the reason for the rages. Medication cannot fix everything - it is only a tool to help you. We have been saying to him for over a year that we can only put all of the supports in place for him - but only he can accept them and work towards getting better. You can lead a horse to water..... And for the record I think psychiatrists are a mean to the end - getting the medications. We have yet to see one that ever addresses the root issue. We now see a spectrum disorder guy as a family that has been very beneficial for all of us. But G also goes to an individual therapist and sees a social worker at school a few times a week. We are very open with all of the above on our daily issues. In other news, tomorrow is what my husband and I are considering D-Day. It is our weekly Steve (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) specialist) appointment. In this appointment/safe zone we will be telling G the plan: A) Any other incidents between now and Easter, when he goes to IN to see his bio mom, he will stay there (he has lived with me and his dad in NY full time since age 6 as she could never handle him) B) If he can keep the menacing, rage and violence together and follow the house rules - he can stay until the end of June when school is over - not sure if he will graduate - pretty 50/50 right now C) Come July 1st - he is moving out. I have worked on setting up services for the past 18 months that hopefully will enable G to live in an apartment with a case coordinator in the area D) if he does not get the services or if the services will not commence on July 1st - he will be moving to IN temporarily or permanently (depending on services) Of course I am sure G does not think any of this is going to happen. I am sure he thinks he will go on living with us and treating us as he has always done, maybe take a class at community college, sit around un-showered perusing the internet and facebook and writing his music that no one will ever hear. He is a very talented composer of classical music and a violinist. I still do not know how I feel about all of this. Last week's incident was different for some reason - a line was crossed that never has been and now I am afraid of him everyday - which breaks my heart. I love him so much but just do not know how to help him anymore. My husband is less forgiving - I think the line was crossed for him a few incidents ago and he is in such pain over all of this. He said (not for the first time) last week that he worries every night on the way home from work - when he rounds the corner he always expects the police with be there and that one day I might be dead. So for that reason alone, I am willing to try it his way this time. Thank you - another LONG post! [/QUOTE]
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