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Parent Emeritus
Out of jail, results sadly predictable
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 616321" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I'm so sorry your son disappointed you. Have you read the thread on "general" called "Detachment Parenting?" And a few of the moms say, about their YOUNG kids, that sometimes it's just hard to love them and they get burned out. While it is dangerous to detach from a minor child. In nooooooo way do I judge them as bad parents or uncaring. Sometimes even a six year old can make you so exhausted, you have no more emotions left inside of you...little to give, at least for a while.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I understood what they were saying and it is even more glaring when that "child" is an adult. What usually happens to us is that we get slapped once too many times and finally that warm glow and the hope and the feeling that "...but he's my child" just gets zapped out of us and we feel empty and numb and even repelled (I've felt the repelled part with 36). That's when we truly can and do detach. Doesn't mean the love isn't there underneath it all. But the desire to help and our feelings that if we are there for them, they will not only come around, but appreciate our devotion just gets flushed down the toilet...</p><p></p><p>I also feel you, like me, are probably a really devoted codependent. Honestly, I want to save every child and animal I hear around and I have tried many, many times. I've taken in strangers who were homeless. Of course, that worked out well...not! I'm not sure committing to support a grown difficult child SO is a good idea for you. You may end up as stressed out with him as you are on your son. Why would you take that on?</p><p></p><p>How about making a commitment to yourself? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Make sure you treat yourself well and only hang with those who appreciate and respect you for your caring, your kindness, the love you can offer and they don't ask you for anything other than your company? How about you being as good to yourself, as generous and caring to yourself, as you are to everybody else?</p><p></p><p>I hope you have a nice New Years. And I hope 2014 is a better year; a healing year; one in which you start to see just how very much you matter in this world.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 616321, member: 1550"] Hi. I'm so sorry your son disappointed you. Have you read the thread on "general" called "Detachment Parenting?" And a few of the moms say, about their YOUNG kids, that sometimes it's just hard to love them and they get burned out. While it is dangerous to detach from a minor child. In nooooooo way do I judge them as bad parents or uncaring. Sometimes even a six year old can make you so exhausted, you have no more emotions left inside of you...little to give, at least for a while. Yes, I understood what they were saying and it is even more glaring when that "child" is an adult. What usually happens to us is that we get slapped once too many times and finally that warm glow and the hope and the feeling that "...but he's my child" just gets zapped out of us and we feel empty and numb and even repelled (I've felt the repelled part with 36). That's when we truly can and do detach. Doesn't mean the love isn't there underneath it all. But the desire to help and our feelings that if we are there for them, they will not only come around, but appreciate our devotion just gets flushed down the toilet... I also feel you, like me, are probably a really devoted codependent. Honestly, I want to save every child and animal I hear around and I have tried many, many times. I've taken in strangers who were homeless. Of course, that worked out well...not! I'm not sure committing to support a grown difficult child SO is a good idea for you. You may end up as stressed out with him as you are on your son. Why would you take that on? How about making a commitment to yourself? :) Make sure you treat yourself well and only hang with those who appreciate and respect you for your caring, your kindness, the love you can offer and they don't ask you for anything other than your company? How about you being as good to yourself, as generous and caring to yourself, as you are to everybody else? I hope you have a nice New Years. And I hope 2014 is a better year; a healing year; one in which you start to see just how very much you matter in this world. [/QUOTE]
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Out of jail, results sadly predictable
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