Just thoughts
Your son is ostracized from the family because he hurt them, maybe abused them maybe stole from them and, like you said he causes chaos. HE does these things, not anyone but himself. You have a warm place to sleep but you wouldn't if you screamed at your parents, abused them, broke the law and caused mayham. Yes, it is hard to accept but your son is a grown man now and he is responsible for his deeds. He was offered lots of help and apparently didn't care enough about the warm bed to follow the rules. Whose fault is that? Nobody but a loving mom will put up with a 26 year old throwing tantrums and breaking the law and blowing chances to do better.
Would you, if he were not your son?
You do what you need to do. You are also an adult and don't need parental approval. If you want to take son to eat, you can, and yes it will be hard to drop him off outside. But I bet you care more about this than him. If he cared that much he would follow societal rules and would have somewhere warm. If he is a drug addict all they really care about is the drug. The cold is no big deal except to us. Most addicts don't eat much but there are food pantries, food kitchens and food cards. My daughter rarely ate when using. She looked like a skeleten and that is not her normal body weight.
You can not love any grown man to wellness, not even your son.
Having said all that, do what you need to do and don't engage about it with others, even family. "this is my choice and I don't wish to discuss it." Then don't. If they keep it up take refuge somewhere. A walk. A bedroom. Don't justify.
If you feel it will be too painful to see son you don't have to. We are allowed to change our minds. They are no longer six and lie to us. We can have an honest change of heart no matter how they throw a toddler tantrum. Your own health and sanity are important too.
Are you in therapy to learn to cope better?
Love and hugs.
