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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 197936" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Hi Katya,</p><p>the story about your sister and the ice cream cups sounds so typical for someone with Borderline (BPD). My difficult child 1 has Borderline (BPD) traits, not sure if she actually has the disorder, but she did the same sorts of things. She had a great therapist while in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) who used dbt therapy and she did seem to understand that her perception of reality was not the only one. I remember her telling me she thought I didn't love her and it was based on something I had said years ago that didn't even have anything to do with love--can't remember what it was now. Anyway, she had taken this little anthill and grown it into a huge mountain over the next few years and it was not based on anything that was true. With this intensive therapy she did seem to be able to change her black and white thinking somewhat and to realize that she often read into other people's words and actions in an incorrect way.</p><p></p><p>You are in a no-win situation with your son at this point. He is 20 years old, I would kick him out. You are going to have draw really strong boundary lines with him, he is not going to recognize any boundaries unless you force him to. You are not able to help him, he is going to have to want it for himself and he obviously sees nothing wrong with himself at this point.</p><p></p><p>I thought my dtr was really fragile and couldn't make it on her own--she seemed like a lost puppy to me despite all the awful things she said and did. I thought she needed me and when I wasn't feeling furious with her I was feeling sorry for her. Whenever I felt sorry for her she really took advantage of me. Finally, we did kick her out at age 18 and lo and behold she managed to survive. I had a younger dtr and just couldn't let difficult child live with us any longer. I had to put the younger one first and let the older one go and let the cards fall where they may.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 197936, member: 3208"] Hi Katya, the story about your sister and the ice cream cups sounds so typical for someone with Borderline (BPD). My difficult child 1 has Borderline (BPD) traits, not sure if she actually has the disorder, but she did the same sorts of things. She had a great therapist while in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) who used dbt therapy and she did seem to understand that her perception of reality was not the only one. I remember her telling me she thought I didn't love her and it was based on something I had said years ago that didn't even have anything to do with love--can't remember what it was now. Anyway, she had taken this little anthill and grown it into a huge mountain over the next few years and it was not based on anything that was true. With this intensive therapy she did seem to be able to change her black and white thinking somewhat and to realize that she often read into other people's words and actions in an incorrect way. You are in a no-win situation with your son at this point. He is 20 years old, I would kick him out. You are going to have draw really strong boundary lines with him, he is not going to recognize any boundaries unless you force him to. You are not able to help him, he is going to have to want it for himself and he obviously sees nothing wrong with himself at this point. I thought my dtr was really fragile and couldn't make it on her own--she seemed like a lost puppy to me despite all the awful things she said and did. I thought she needed me and when I wasn't feeling furious with her I was feeling sorry for her. Whenever I felt sorry for her she really took advantage of me. Finally, we did kick her out at age 18 and lo and behold she managed to survive. I had a younger dtr and just couldn't let difficult child live with us any longer. I had to put the younger one first and let the older one go and let the cards fall where they may. Hugs, Jane [/QUOTE]
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