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Failure to Thrive
'Parenting' my 50-year old younger brother
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 761426" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Like some of the others, I see a third way.</p><p></p><p>Your brother won't change. He doesn't think he has any problems and I think you've got to just let that one go. If he doesn't want to talk to you, good. He seems kind of unsavory anyway.</p><p> </p><p>I think your mother deserves your love and support. This is the classic "old country" split that happens with all cultures between first generation and their immigrant parents. It happened in our family too, of a different ethnicity.</p><p></p><p>I believe you show a great deal of respect and support for your mother, it's just that your views are different. While I believe she should focus on her security and not enable a grown man, it's not my (or your) decision to make, what she does. It's her money and her relationship with her child. You are not going to change her, I don't think. Just as you can't change him.</p><p></p><p>But that doesn't mean you should do anything you are not comfortable with. I suggest finding a caring and patient way to tell your mother that you feel that "helping" a grown man who chooses to spend his hard-earned money on porn and prostitutes is something you just can't and won't do. And leave it at that. You don't have to justify yourself any more than that, but neither does your mother have to justify herself for her choices of what she does with her money.</p><p></p><p>I recognize that there is great pressure on you to go along with the "old way." But the thing is, it sounds like it would go against a very strongly held moral position of your own. Nobody should be forced to sacrifice themselves in this way, even though there is a lot of cultural pressure to do so.</p><p></p><p>I think that as long as there have been immigrants to this country and the children learn the American Way, there has been this tension between generations and it is difficult and painful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 761426, member: 18958"] Like some of the others, I see a third way. Your brother won't change. He doesn't think he has any problems and I think you've got to just let that one go. If he doesn't want to talk to you, good. He seems kind of unsavory anyway. I think your mother deserves your love and support. This is the classic "old country" split that happens with all cultures between first generation and their immigrant parents. It happened in our family too, of a different ethnicity. I believe you show a great deal of respect and support for your mother, it's just that your views are different. While I believe she should focus on her security and not enable a grown man, it's not my (or your) decision to make, what she does. It's her money and her relationship with her child. You are not going to change her, I don't think. Just as you can't change him. But that doesn't mean you should do anything you are not comfortable with. I suggest finding a caring and patient way to tell your mother that you feel that "helping" a grown man who chooses to spend his hard-earned money on porn and prostitutes is something you just can't and won't do. And leave it at that. You don't have to justify yourself any more than that, but neither does your mother have to justify herself for her choices of what she does with her money. I recognize that there is great pressure on you to go along with the "old way." But the thing is, it sounds like it would go against a very strongly held moral position of your own. Nobody should be forced to sacrifice themselves in this way, even though there is a lot of cultural pressure to do so. I think that as long as there have been immigrants to this country and the children learn the American Way, there has been this tension between generations and it is difficult and painful. [/QUOTE]
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'Parenting' my 50-year old younger brother
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