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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620269" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Cedar, this <strong><u>is</u></strong> huge. I believe that the change we seek has to begin <em>within</em> us...........we first have compassion for us, then we can truly have compassion for another, not pity. It's all, as they say, an 'inside job.' Throughout the last couple of years, I could hear myself say to SO, so many times............so many.........."<em>I feel so sorry for ME."</em> My heart bled for my daughter, for my granddaughter, for my sister, for many.............but for me? I was busy towing the line. And, then, as my heart was breaking, perhaps in the breaking, it was actually cracking open, I was able to see myself, broken, hurting, fragile, vulnerable.............open...........and in that opening, I could really <u>see </u>myself........I think a lot of my own armor around my heart, around the tender parts of myself, was ripped away in this process of acceptance............and although certainly someone abused would want to keep that armor around to keep from being hurt ................as we grow and heal, that armor just becomes way too heavy to lug around ..............there comes a time to unload it and to take the risk of living without it. I don't think we undertake to do that lightly...........we've been wearing that armor for many, many decades. Throwing it off does not look like a good idea. </p><p></p><p>Your resolution this year was to be kinder to yourself. You set up an intention. Once the intention is set, what we get to see is all that is in the way of that intention so that we can work through it. If kindness is your destination, compassion would have to be included. If we feel compassion for ourselves, if we can allow ourselves to recognize our own beauty and learn to honor ourselves, I believe we can then look upon the world with that same compassion which sets up a whole different kind of energy around us...........an open heart can receive love and give love without judgement and without having to change anyone or anything.............an open heart can accept what is and not suffer in it. </p><p></p><p>We have spoken about perfectionism, the need for control, the deep sense of not being enough...........all components of fear. I believe if compassion begins to grow within us, the fear diminishes greatly............without the fear, we can allow, we can accept, we can receive, we can be open, vulnerable, awake, alive............in awe, in gratitude.</p><p></p><p>I see myself differently now. You have said that as well. I think when our eyes are opened to the truth ............the truth of <em>what is</em> with our own children, our eyes are opened to the truth of who we are as well. Clouded before in our frozen stance of enabler, we were stuck in the FOG that surrounds that stance............compassion for us and for our kids breaks up the FOG, pushes the fear away, allows reality to come forth. ALL the reality seeps in, the good, the bad and the ugly. You've seen the bad and the ugly, you also have to see the good. The good in YOU. </p><p></p><p>Cedar, if you could "see" you as I do, as the rest of the crew here does............you would "see" a loving, kind, earnest, caring, courageous, powerful, very sweet and bright endearing soul who has been through hell and still has an enormous capacity for love and spiritual depth..........you would be in awe of your own self..........</p><p></p><p>Loving ourselves is vital to living that authentic, real life we so often speak of..........it is the basic component, to love oneself, to accept oneself, to honor oneself. <em>That is the part necessary to model for our children now. </em>That ends up being the most important part.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620269, member: 13542"] Cedar, this [B][U]is[/U][/B] huge. I believe that the change we seek has to begin [I]within[/I] us...........we first have compassion for us, then we can truly have compassion for another, not pity. It's all, as they say, an 'inside job.' Throughout the last couple of years, I could hear myself say to SO, so many times............so many.........."[I]I feel so sorry for ME."[/I] My heart bled for my daughter, for my granddaughter, for my sister, for many.............but for me? I was busy towing the line. And, then, as my heart was breaking, perhaps in the breaking, it was actually cracking open, I was able to see myself, broken, hurting, fragile, vulnerable.............open...........and in that opening, I could really [U]see [/U]myself........I think a lot of my own armor around my heart, around the tender parts of myself, was ripped away in this process of acceptance............and although certainly someone abused would want to keep that armor around to keep from being hurt ................as we grow and heal, that armor just becomes way too heavy to lug around ..............there comes a time to unload it and to take the risk of living without it. I don't think we undertake to do that lightly...........we've been wearing that armor for many, many decades. Throwing it off does not look like a good idea. Your resolution this year was to be kinder to yourself. You set up an intention. Once the intention is set, what we get to see is all that is in the way of that intention so that we can work through it. If kindness is your destination, compassion would have to be included. If we feel compassion for ourselves, if we can allow ourselves to recognize our own beauty and learn to honor ourselves, I believe we can then look upon the world with that same compassion which sets up a whole different kind of energy around us...........an open heart can receive love and give love without judgement and without having to change anyone or anything.............an open heart can accept what is and not suffer in it. We have spoken about perfectionism, the need for control, the deep sense of not being enough...........all components of fear. I believe if compassion begins to grow within us, the fear diminishes greatly............without the fear, we can allow, we can accept, we can receive, we can be open, vulnerable, awake, alive............in awe, in gratitude. I see myself differently now. You have said that as well. I think when our eyes are opened to the truth ............the truth of [I]what is[/I] with our own children, our eyes are opened to the truth of who we are as well. Clouded before in our frozen stance of enabler, we were stuck in the FOG that surrounds that stance............compassion for us and for our kids breaks up the FOG, pushes the fear away, allows reality to come forth. ALL the reality seeps in, the good, the bad and the ugly. You've seen the bad and the ugly, you also have to see the good. The good in YOU. Cedar, if you could "see" you as I do, as the rest of the crew here does............you would "see" a loving, kind, earnest, caring, courageous, powerful, very sweet and bright endearing soul who has been through hell and still has an enormous capacity for love and spiritual depth..........you would be in awe of your own self.......... Loving ourselves is vital to living that authentic, real life we so often speak of..........it is the basic component, to love oneself, to accept oneself, to honor oneself. [I]That is the part necessary to model for our children now. [/I]That ends up being the most important part. [/QUOTE]
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