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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 620543" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Oh, we're okay, Recovering. I thought about you this morning, about your story about crying in the restaurant. I am having that kind of day. I went somewhere this morning and, sure enough, someone asked how we were and it was all I could do to make the appropriate response. </p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>I am leaving again in a few minutes.</p><p></p><p>There just never seems to be an appropriate time for the kind of healing that shows on the outside. The energy it takes to hold it all must be phenomenal. It is a relief to have things to do, today. </p><p></p><p>I am trying to work with holding the concept of both the cloud and the silver lining.</p><p></p><p>How are you, Recovering? </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I wrote this yesterday, but didn't post it. Doing so much better, this morning. I am going to post it anyway, because if I am going through this, someone else may be helped by seeing my process. Today, yesterday's posting looks fine to me. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday?</p><p></p><p>It seemed stupid and wrong. </p><p></p><p>These are the feelings of contempt, of second guessing, of looking for the wrongness in anything we do before we commit to it. These are the underlying feelings we will need to examine and refute ~ not just on an intellectual level, but down deep where there are no words. Coming to its fruition now, these are the feelings working up around the issue of ratings on posts. Anything that can be used to weaken us will be used.</p><p></p><p>Just let it happen. Once you decide to see it, there is nothing else that needs to happen. It is right and good to cherish and befriend ourselves. These feelings of contempt or pity (my words ~ yours will be different) are the abuser's "valance." They are belief systems that were toxic and wrong and harmful and hurtful from their inception. See and feel and reinterpret them out of existence. These are not legitimate interpretations of self. They are the abuser's remnants, and they are both pointlessly cruel and criminal. They have no place in your heart. They are spiritually misdirected interpretations ~ and it was your abuser's intention that this be so. Refuse. You have that power, now.</p><p></p><p>When dealing with difficult child kids, these are the unseen emotions that cause us to collapse into enabling.</p><p></p><p>We can change them to places of strength. Just like a broken bone is stronger from the being knit back together, so are we, once we see.</p><p></p><p>Recovering, thank you again. I love the feel of that last posting. I like that the person is bald, vulnerable. I like that she is taking the sun slowly, and that she will not be burnt, that she will be strong enough, by the time that the moon passes, to live through the power of the sun in that strength.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 620543, member: 17461"] Oh, we're okay, Recovering. I thought about you this morning, about your story about crying in the restaurant. I am having that kind of day. I went somewhere this morning and, sure enough, someone asked how we were and it was all I could do to make the appropriate response. Ew. I am leaving again in a few minutes. There just never seems to be an appropriate time for the kind of healing that shows on the outside. The energy it takes to hold it all must be phenomenal. It is a relief to have things to do, today. I am trying to work with holding the concept of both the cloud and the silver lining. How are you, Recovering? Cedar I wrote this yesterday, but didn't post it. Doing so much better, this morning. I am going to post it anyway, because if I am going through this, someone else may be helped by seeing my process. Today, yesterday's posting looks fine to me. Yesterday? It seemed stupid and wrong. These are the feelings of contempt, of second guessing, of looking for the wrongness in anything we do before we commit to it. These are the underlying feelings we will need to examine and refute ~ not just on an intellectual level, but down deep where there are no words. Coming to its fruition now, these are the feelings working up around the issue of ratings on posts. Anything that can be used to weaken us will be used. Just let it happen. Once you decide to see it, there is nothing else that needs to happen. It is right and good to cherish and befriend ourselves. These feelings of contempt or pity (my words ~ yours will be different) are the abuser's "valance." They are belief systems that were toxic and wrong and harmful and hurtful from their inception. See and feel and reinterpret them out of existence. These are not legitimate interpretations of self. They are the abuser's remnants, and they are both pointlessly cruel and criminal. They have no place in your heart. They are spiritually misdirected interpretations ~ and it was your abuser's intention that this be so. Refuse. You have that power, now. When dealing with difficult child kids, these are the unseen emotions that cause us to collapse into enabling. We can change them to places of strength. Just like a broken bone is stronger from the being knit back together, so are we, once we see. Recovering, thank you again. I love the feel of that last posting. I like that the person is bald, vulnerable. I like that she is taking the sun slowly, and that she will not be burnt, that she will be strong enough, by the time that the moon passes, to live through the power of the sun in that strength. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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