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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620610" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Yes, COM, I am also glad you've joined us.</p><p></p><p>And, thank you Cedar for your unending, warm and caring support.</p><p></p><p>Yes, you're right COM, "telling releases the shame" I like that.</p><p></p><p>I didn't feel so shamed as I did embarrassed, I saw the ego part of the enabling in a different way and it felt good to let it go.</p><p></p><p>Yes, there is so much sadness, so very much. I have been filled with sorrow for my daughter, my sister, my brother, my family.............for the world really and all the pain we humans can experience and survive....................this time the sorrow was <em><u>for me</u></em>. I felt sad for the loss I sustained, even if the loss is what I really wanted to happen. I also felt sad for me and how much I have gone through not only with my daughter, but throughout much of my life. I think that sadness is very, very important for me to feel, it ushers in a new era of compassion for ME. I have felt enormous compassion for others............it has been the compassion for myself that has been lacking. Another hallmark of the enabler...........along with that external focus on others all the time...........that has shifted for me, the focus is now on ME!! Wow.</p><p></p><p>I think when we are bolstered up in our inauthentic self, born certainly out of the dysfunction of a childhood based in fear, we are unable to recognize our own true self, the self that deserves and requires love, care, compassion, kindness...........with each new level of awareness I am able to be much more loving towards myself. That new vulnerability I feel is healthy, the awareness of my own version of my enabling self dying is healthy, my sadness about that death is healthy and my compassion for myself is healthy too. All of this is good.</p><p></p><p>I look upon this as "expanding my connection to Divinity" as my old meditation teacher used to say. I agree with you COM, that is what we are doing.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I was using the word 'attachment' as in the Buddha quote about attachments to anything being the greatest source of suffering. So, in letting that 'attachment' go, my suffering dissipates. I don't have to hold on to a persona which is not who I am. It may have been born out of the way in which my parents raised me, however, in the now, I am the one who has to let it go.</p><p></p><p>I think I have been healing from my childhood for 40 years, since I was 23 years old when I first began this remarkable journey of self discovery. What is going on now feels like the culmination of a very long history of enabling. Certainly there is always stuff to work through, I see that..............but this particular enabling/codependent/rescuer persona is healing by that 'light' of awareness that's been brought forth by my own relentless search for my own freedom from it. Everything feels different. Even my childhood.............my compassion for myself has promoted compassion for all of it..........I am no longer defined by the past, the present moment has arrived for me................all of these lessons with my daughter and my granddaughter, although so very challenging and often so painful, have left me more whole, more capable of simply staying here in the present moment and dealing with whatever...............the other day it was sadness................today it is excitement............I love that Rumi quote about inviting them all in.</p><p></p><p>And COM, I agree, in letting go of my difficult child, in letting go of enabling............ I am available for that Divine plan.............and that cruise!!! <em>Or maybe the cruise is the Divine plan!! Let's do it.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620610, member: 13542"] Yes, COM, I am also glad you've joined us. And, thank you Cedar for your unending, warm and caring support. Yes, you're right COM, "telling releases the shame" I like that. I didn't feel so shamed as I did embarrassed, I saw the ego part of the enabling in a different way and it felt good to let it go. Yes, there is so much sadness, so very much. I have been filled with sorrow for my daughter, my sister, my brother, my family.............for the world really and all the pain we humans can experience and survive....................this time the sorrow was [I][U]for me[/U][/I]. I felt sad for the loss I sustained, even if the loss is what I really wanted to happen. I also felt sad for me and how much I have gone through not only with my daughter, but throughout much of my life. I think that sadness is very, very important for me to feel, it ushers in a new era of compassion for ME. I have felt enormous compassion for others............it has been the compassion for myself that has been lacking. Another hallmark of the enabler...........along with that external focus on others all the time...........that has shifted for me, the focus is now on ME!! Wow. I think when we are bolstered up in our inauthentic self, born certainly out of the dysfunction of a childhood based in fear, we are unable to recognize our own true self, the self that deserves and requires love, care, compassion, kindness...........with each new level of awareness I am able to be much more loving towards myself. That new vulnerability I feel is healthy, the awareness of my own version of my enabling self dying is healthy, my sadness about that death is healthy and my compassion for myself is healthy too. All of this is good. I look upon this as "expanding my connection to Divinity" as my old meditation teacher used to say. I agree with you COM, that is what we are doing. Cedar, I was using the word 'attachment' as in the Buddha quote about attachments to anything being the greatest source of suffering. So, in letting that 'attachment' go, my suffering dissipates. I don't have to hold on to a persona which is not who I am. It may have been born out of the way in which my parents raised me, however, in the now, I am the one who has to let it go. I think I have been healing from my childhood for 40 years, since I was 23 years old when I first began this remarkable journey of self discovery. What is going on now feels like the culmination of a very long history of enabling. Certainly there is always stuff to work through, I see that..............but this particular enabling/codependent/rescuer persona is healing by that 'light' of awareness that's been brought forth by my own relentless search for my own freedom from it. Everything feels different. Even my childhood.............my compassion for myself has promoted compassion for all of it..........I am no longer defined by the past, the present moment has arrived for me................all of these lessons with my daughter and my granddaughter, although so very challenging and often so painful, have left me more whole, more capable of simply staying here in the present moment and dealing with whatever...............the other day it was sadness................today it is excitement............I love that Rumi quote about inviting them all in. And COM, I agree, in letting go of my difficult child, in letting go of enabling............ I am available for that Divine plan.............and that cruise!!! [I]Or maybe the cruise is the Divine plan!! Let's do it.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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