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Substance Abuse
petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677185" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I know.</p><p></p><p>I felt this way too. Like how much more can I take? I was looking to diffuse the guilt and fear I had not get more of it.</p><p></p><p>It is not your fault. It is not my fault. There is not one thing that we can or should do except to take care of ourselves by setting limits and making our lives rich and ourselves healthy. This we do by letting go of all of the sense of responsibility we have shouldered, not taking on more.</p><p></p><p>I did think of the one thing I owe my son to do, still: Take care of myself. Not let him hurt or disrespect me or my environment. Tell him the truth, if he asks, or if he asks something of me, or does something to me, tell him the truth about how it effects me, how I believe it will effect him and what I expect. That is the role of a parent of an adult child as I understand it now. At least it is for this parent.</p><p></p><p>No criticism of anybody else can stick unless we believe already inside of us that we have done something wrong. That it is our fault. If what others say or do hurts us, it is a clue that somewhere inside of us we believe we deserve punishment. That is what I believe now.</p><p></p><p>We are not to blame and we are not responsible anymore. There is nothing you could of or should have done or done differently or can do now. Anything we knew to do, we did. When we knew better, we did better.</p><p></p><p>Your son knows that about you. He knows he has a mother who loves him. He knows he has a mother with integrity. Nobody is perfect. How can we expect ourselves to be?</p><p></p><p>This is all about your son and his choices and what he will do differently when he wants to. Not one moment sooner. He knows what to do. He knows where to go. He will do it when he wants to.</p><p></p><p>If he does not take responsibility, nothing will change for him. That is true for my son too. I had to accept that.</p><p>Good move. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677185, member: 18958"] I know. I felt this way too. Like how much more can I take? I was looking to diffuse the guilt and fear I had not get more of it. It is not your fault. It is not my fault. There is not one thing that we can or should do except to take care of ourselves by setting limits and making our lives rich and ourselves healthy. This we do by letting go of all of the sense of responsibility we have shouldered, not taking on more. I did think of the one thing I owe my son to do, still: Take care of myself. Not let him hurt or disrespect me or my environment. Tell him the truth, if he asks, or if he asks something of me, or does something to me, tell him the truth about how it effects me, how I believe it will effect him and what I expect. That is the role of a parent of an adult child as I understand it now. At least it is for this parent. No criticism of anybody else can stick unless we believe already inside of us that we have done something wrong. That it is our fault. If what others say or do hurts us, it is a clue that somewhere inside of us we believe we deserve punishment. That is what I believe now. We are not to blame and we are not responsible anymore. There is nothing you could of or should have done or done differently or can do now. Anything we knew to do, we did. When we knew better, we did better. Your son knows that about you. He knows he has a mother who loves him. He knows he has a mother with integrity. Nobody is perfect. How can we expect ourselves to be? This is all about your son and his choices and what he will do differently when he wants to. Not one moment sooner. He knows what to do. He knows where to go. He will do it when he wants to. If he does not take responsibility, nothing will change for him. That is true for my son too. I had to accept that. Good move. COPA [/QUOTE]
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