The most important thing that Bruce said in my opinion is to give what you give, if you give, and expect NOTHING back. Not better behavior, not that the person steps up, not that it will be used as you intended, not to expect others to necessarily ecpress love or gratitude for it and not to expect the money back, loan or not.
Way before we stopped giving Kay money, my husband and I decided that everything we give to anyone at all is a GIFT. If not, you are setting yourself up to lose friends and relatives. We don't want to lose people becauuuse they can't or don't pay us back. So we are very mindful with our money. Money sometimes makes good people act very badly. Think about after funerals.
Because of our policy of no strings for monetary gifts, we rarely give money to anyone. Kay was the exception and we knew we would never see it again. At least we didn't have to be bitter that she broke a promise to pay us back. We had enough to cry about.
Our experience convinces us that money solves nothing. It doesn't help anyone get a leg up. They just waste it or ask for more (our experience only). It does not nudge anybody to respect you or feel grateful and certainly can not buy love or gratitude. So money is gifts only with no expectations from whom we give to.
God bless. Be well.
