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Failure to Thrive
Please help me with my 20 year old granddaughter.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 705382" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Most of us who come to this board are pretty fed up with our children or grandchildren. Because we feel over our heads, and do not know what to do next. We try and try as have you, and our kids stay unhappy and/or self-destructive and/or aggressive or out of control. And when we are so desperate we land here.</p><p></p><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>I will be direct here: when our children become adults we really have no control or voice over their choices, their identity, lifestyle, sexuality or gender identity. We cannot get them to go to school or work. We cannot help them be happy, less anxious or better adjusted. This becomes their responsibility, whether or not they feel they can do it or not.</p><p></p><p>All we have is control over ourselves, our choices, and our homes.</p><p></p><p>This site centers on identifying where you have control and exercising it. And learning where you have none. All of the issues you have mentioned are beyond your control.</p><p></p><p>What can you do?</p><p></p><p>Look at the article on detachment on this website.</p><p></p><p>The member, scentofcedar, at the bottom of her signature has a link to an article about talking to adult children.</p><p></p><p>Talk to your granddaughter about how she can have more control over her life: a job, moving out, therapy, and counseling for her sexuality and gender identity issues. The reality here is you have no say and even less control in this area of her life.</p><p></p><p>She is at an appropriate age to live independently. There are training programs such as Job Corps, which is free, and offers free room and board; the enrollees are well-supervised. Or she might want to consider the military. These are just a couple of options.</p><p></p><p>If you have trouble addressing this with her, you might consider Al Anon.</p><p></p><p>Others will soon respond, with other points of view.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to say Hi. And offer support. It is very hard to try and try to help somebody else, to no avail. I know from personal experience. We begin to feel as if it is our problem. It is not.</p><p></p><p>Only your granddaughter can make her life better and make a life in which she fits. Many of us begin our adulthood with a sense of inadequacy or even deep confusion about who we are and where we fit. The rest of our lives are to work this out in the deepest sense: who am I, what is my purpose, why I am here?</p><p></p><p>This is all normal. Even as it is painful.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. Take care. I hope you keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 705382, member: 18958"] Most of us who come to this board are pretty fed up with our children or grandchildren. Because we feel over our heads, and do not know what to do next. We try and try as have you, and our kids stay unhappy and/or self-destructive and/or aggressive or out of control. And when we are so desperate we land here. Welcome. I will be direct here: when our children become adults we really have no control or voice over their choices, their identity, lifestyle, sexuality or gender identity. We cannot get them to go to school or work. We cannot help them be happy, less anxious or better adjusted. This becomes their responsibility, whether or not they feel they can do it or not. All we have is control over ourselves, our choices, and our homes. This site centers on identifying where you have control and exercising it. And learning where you have none. All of the issues you have mentioned are beyond your control. What can you do? Look at the article on detachment on this website. The member, scentofcedar, at the bottom of her signature has a link to an article about talking to adult children. Talk to your granddaughter about how she can have more control over her life: a job, moving out, therapy, and counseling for her sexuality and gender identity issues. The reality here is you have no say and even less control in this area of her life. She is at an appropriate age to live independently. There are training programs such as Job Corps, which is free, and offers free room and board; the enrollees are well-supervised. Or she might want to consider the military. These are just a couple of options. If you have trouble addressing this with her, you might consider Al Anon. Others will soon respond, with other points of view. I wanted to say Hi. And offer support. It is very hard to try and try to help somebody else, to no avail. I know from personal experience. We begin to feel as if it is our problem. It is not. Only your granddaughter can make her life better and make a life in which she fits. Many of us begin our adulthood with a sense of inadequacy or even deep confusion about who we are and where we fit. The rest of our lives are to work this out in the deepest sense: who am I, what is my purpose, why I am here? This is all normal. Even as it is painful. Welcome. Take care. I hope you keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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Please help me with my 20 year old granddaughter.
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