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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 529208" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi and welcome. You have come to the right place, with other parents who understand!</p><p>Some (not all) of what you say about your son reminds me of my son, also five, in his worst moments... I don't attempt time outs any more because it led to exactly the same results as you describe. My son also wants to win and the way I get him dressed some mornings is to hold a "getting dressed" competition which I always strangely lose... (I don't know how old he'll be when he figures out that I am doing it on purpose and the strategy doesn't work any more...)</p><p>I've seen some big improvements in my son's behaviour over the past year or so (though I'm sure many parents of "normal" children would still be horrified by much of his behaviour - this has now become irrelevant to me; I am not parenting a typical child and we have to change our parenting style to reflect that, which it sounds like you're doing). When I first came to this website I was in a place of despair and confusion at his defiant, aggressive and oppositional behaviour. But things are basically a lot calmer much of the time and I have learnt to recognise when he simply cannot help his meltdowns - in my son's case, things like tiredness and hunger play a LARGE part in his tantrums. I have also found that he is not too young at five for collaborative problem solving (problem is more that it is hard for me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) and this is how we resolve quite a lot of stuck situations, through negotiation and compromise.</p><p>My son is also a basically good kid with lots of good qualities. Is it possible for you to discern these in your son? I know how hard it can be to continue seeing the good points in the midst of all this... </p><p>Basically I just want to say that there is hope. The diagnosis is useful (if you can get one - I haven't really managed it yet) but understanding your child's mechanisms and triggers is probably much more useful in devising a parenting style that works.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 529208, member: 11227"] Hi and welcome. You have come to the right place, with other parents who understand! Some (not all) of what you say about your son reminds me of my son, also five, in his worst moments... I don't attempt time outs any more because it led to exactly the same results as you describe. My son also wants to win and the way I get him dressed some mornings is to hold a "getting dressed" competition which I always strangely lose... (I don't know how old he'll be when he figures out that I am doing it on purpose and the strategy doesn't work any more...) I've seen some big improvements in my son's behaviour over the past year or so (though I'm sure many parents of "normal" children would still be horrified by much of his behaviour - this has now become irrelevant to me; I am not parenting a typical child and we have to change our parenting style to reflect that, which it sounds like you're doing). When I first came to this website I was in a place of despair and confusion at his defiant, aggressive and oppositional behaviour. But things are basically a lot calmer much of the time and I have learnt to recognise when he simply cannot help his meltdowns - in my son's case, things like tiredness and hunger play a LARGE part in his tantrums. I have also found that he is not too young at five for collaborative problem solving (problem is more that it is hard for me :)) and this is how we resolve quite a lot of stuck situations, through negotiation and compromise. My son is also a basically good kid with lots of good qualities. Is it possible for you to discern these in your son? I know how hard it can be to continue seeing the good points in the midst of all this... Basically I just want to say that there is hope. The diagnosis is useful (if you can get one - I haven't really managed it yet) but understanding your child's mechanisms and triggers is probably much more useful in devising a parenting style that works. [/QUOTE]
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