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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Josie" data-source="post: 427049" data-attributes="member: 1792"><p>I think I know what Allan means.</p><p></p><p>My kids are not adults and not stealing, so I might have a different perspective then.</p><p></p><p>I think of their mistakes as their struggles, not as manipulation which would make me feel irritated. </p><p></p><p>If I found out my 15 yo had been drinking or having sex, I would feel sad and concerned, but I understand the pressure out there to do those things. It's not that I think it is ok and that I wouldn't make her stay home for a while, but I wouldn't think of her as "bad" or even "irresponsible". I would think of her as a kid who needed to learn self-control, withstand peer pressure, or worst case, manage an addiction.</p><p></p><p>If I found out she was stealing, I'm not sure I could come up with an explanation. I would be horrified, disappointed, and concerned about her future. I would be wondering what her problem was, but I would still think of it as a problem she had. Maybe one she would only learn to control by spending some time in jail. I wouldn't excuse her stealing to anyone who confronted her or me about it. </p><p></p><p>Putting negative terms on it would just make me feel worse than thinking of her as a kid with a problem. </p><p></p><p>My perception is probably heavily influenced by the fact that A has a food allergy that turns her into a difficult child. It is clear when she eats it, that her behavior is not really the person she is inside, but a problem in her thinking brought about by not complying with her restrictions. If I never got to see her as a easy child, I might have more trouble understanding it as a problem.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Josie, post: 427049, member: 1792"] I think I know what Allan means. My kids are not adults and not stealing, so I might have a different perspective then. I think of their mistakes as their struggles, not as manipulation which would make me feel irritated. If I found out my 15 yo had been drinking or having sex, I would feel sad and concerned, but I understand the pressure out there to do those things. It's not that I think it is ok and that I wouldn't make her stay home for a while, but I wouldn't think of her as "bad" or even "irresponsible". I would think of her as a kid who needed to learn self-control, withstand peer pressure, or worst case, manage an addiction. If I found out she was stealing, I'm not sure I could come up with an explanation. I would be horrified, disappointed, and concerned about her future. I would be wondering what her problem was, but I would still think of it as a problem she had. Maybe one she would only learn to control by spending some time in jail. I wouldn't excuse her stealing to anyone who confronted her or me about it. Putting negative terms on it would just make me feel worse than thinking of her as a kid with a problem. My perception is probably heavily influenced by the fact that A has a food allergy that turns her into a difficult child. It is clear when she eats it, that her behavior is not really the person she is inside, but a problem in her thinking brought about by not complying with her restrictions. If I never got to see her as a easy child, I might have more trouble understanding it as a problem. [/QUOTE]
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