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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 428452" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>I still need to share how a collaborative problem solving discussion would sound like with a drug addict</p><p></p><p>every relationship or interaction requires people to communicate effectively. Good advice that I received here in the early days - talk to your young kid as if he was your 25 yo neighbour's son.</p><p></p><p>If we want people to be motivate themselves and change from the inside we can't , and the same goes for a third party tell peole what to do . In the sales game , instead of a high pressurized selling if you get the customer to sell the product to himself , you will have a committed customer. This is called ' selling by attraction' .</p><p></p><p>so with parenting , using cps , the process is slow , getting the kid to sell himself the idea. it is not about blame , criticism , forcing a kid to do something or even telling them.</p><p></p><p>It is getting the kid to talk , using dialog questions , sharing his concerns, his unmet needs, and his vision for the future</p><p>so this can take a few sessions</p><p></p><p>Once you have heard the kid without being judgemental , there is a good chance he will be willing to hear your concerns , see your perspective.</p><p></p><p>We can then help reflect on their goals or problems that are getting in the way and let them brainstorm solutions.</p><p></p><p>CPS is hard work and messy , kids and us need plenty of experience to get good at problem solving and trust the process</p><p></p><p>Where should we be holding ? If the kid is out of the home , we have a better chance - in order to get closer , you have to move apart , a often the dynamic is not conducive to collaborating.</p><p></p><p>Can you have a conversation on general non-emotive stuff ?</p><p>Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ?</p><p>Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc</p><p></p><p>To be intrinsically motivated 3 needs need to be met</p><p></p><p>people need to feel that they can direct their lives and can act in an autonomous way</p><p></p><p>people need life skills , competence in certain areas</p><p></p><p>people need good relationships</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 428452, member: 10"] I still need to share how a collaborative problem solving discussion would sound like with a drug addict every relationship or interaction requires people to communicate effectively. Good advice that I received here in the early days - talk to your young kid as if he was your 25 yo neighbour's son. If we want people to be motivate themselves and change from the inside we can't , and the same goes for a third party tell peole what to do . In the sales game , instead of a high pressurized selling if you get the customer to sell the product to himself , you will have a committed customer. This is called ' selling by attraction' . so with parenting , using cps , the process is slow , getting the kid to sell himself the idea. it is not about blame , criticism , forcing a kid to do something or even telling them. It is getting the kid to talk , using dialog questions , sharing his concerns, his unmet needs, and his vision for the future so this can take a few sessions Once you have heard the kid without being judgemental , there is a good chance he will be willing to hear your concerns , see your perspective. We can then help reflect on their goals or problems that are getting in the way and let them brainstorm solutions. CPS is hard work and messy , kids and us need plenty of experience to get good at problem solving and trust the process Where should we be holding ? If the kid is out of the home , we have a better chance - in order to get closer , you have to move apart , a often the dynamic is not conducive to collaborating. Can you have a conversation on general non-emotive stuff ? Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ? Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc To be intrinsically motivated 3 needs need to be met people need to feel that they can direct their lives and can act in an autonomous way people need life skills , competence in certain areas people need good relationships Allan [/QUOTE]
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